Through my years of going to the gym, I have run into people who are absolutely ridiculous in their actions when at the gym. I would like to touch on a dozen of these assholes in a three part series. Today, I will focus on those that need to shut up. Also, for those people who consider their activities to be acceptable, you're wrong, but even I can admit to being guilty on one of the idiots brought up today.
The Talker – The Talker is the ultimate waster of time. He spends two hours in the gym, and finishes about 15 sets in those two hours. He likes to get a set in and then get the conversation going. I honestly don’t have a problem if somebody wants to be social as long as they keep their conversations to 15 seconds or less with me. What really bothers me is that they like to occupy machines for 20 minutes for their three sets on it. And if you ask them about whatever they are using, they are just about to do their next set, but they aren’t. It still takes a good two minutes for them to actually get going on whatever they are using. I can start and finish my set in 30 seconds, but they cannot possibly allow me to adjust the weight on the machine, because then they would have to take the time to remove a pin and reinsert it in another slot. So if you’re going to chat, at least free up the machine. I can’t get mad at you for wasting your own time, but it will definitely irritate me if you’re wasting mine.
How Much Do You Bench Guy – The most common of all these people. If you are worried about your bench press, then you should reevaluate your workout program. People who max out are strictly doing it to say that they lifted x amount of weight. It’s not helping you in any way, but it does obscure the fact that you don’t know what you are doing in the gym. Not only that, benching is not the ultimate sign of strength. It works chest and triceps, not exactly the holy grail of the anatomy’s muscular structure. I’ve literally done bench press one day since I was a Sophomore in high school, and I haven’t maxed out in anything since that same year. It’s a waste of time, and nobody who really works out would ask you your max out anyway.
Retarded Guy Who Gives Advice – I have little to complain about in this situation, because the guys who try to give me advice literally are retarded. They are mentally handicapped, so I’d just be a dick if I complained about them. One retard told me to throw my whole body into workouts, the other told me something about swimming, but luckily I have blocked out that memory. On both of these occasions, I smiled and completely ignored their advice. The big problem is when guys who aren’t retarded, but just giant douchebags try to get involved with workouts. Since I put on my mean face when I go to the gym, very few people talk to me, but the shitty advice I hear when working out makes me shudder in disgust. So many people in the gym have the highest opinion of themselves. 90% of these people don’t know shit, are in awful shape, and don’t realize it’s pathetic that these “masters of the weight room” can’t even do ten pushups. If you aren’t in better shape than the person you are talking to, you have no right to give advice. If you are in better shape than the person you are talking to, you have no right to give advice unless it is asked of you first. You’re not a workout guru, so stop getting in the way of other people in the gym.
Grunty McGee – I know the situation that people are in when they are at the gym going through their workout when they are disturbed by guy who needs to grunt loud enough for the entire gym to hear them. Unless you are pushing yourself so hard that you crap yourself doing your workout, you really have no reason to grunt that loud. But when grunting like that, at least the entire world can tell that you are lifting weights, congratulations; they probably could have figured that out without your help. This person is definitely a douche, and it saddens me to admit that I am sometimes this guy. The only defense that I have is that I always take a shit before working out, because if I didn’t, there is a great chance that I would crap myself while lifting.
That's it for now, but I will finish with the final four early next week to bring a climatic end to this series.