Monday, January 25, 2010

Gym Idiots - Part 3

Through my years of going to the gym, I have ran into people who are absolutely ridiculous in their actions when at the gym. I would like to touch on a dozen of these assholes in a three part series. Today, in the final part of the series, I will go over the most ridiculous people that I have seen in the gym.

Naked Guy – This appears to be a generational thing, but some old dudes just love to be naked. Why on God’s Earth must someone be naked to shave their face? That simply doesn’t make sense. I cannot even fathom the reasoning behind it. I can manage only be naked in the shower in the gym, why can others not manage this? You strip down, go to the shower, shower, then put a towel on. Is that difficult? Not for me, and unless I’m some sort of super athletic hulking of half-man, half-machine (unlikely, although possible), then others should be able to manage this simple task as well.

Guy Who Brings Video Camera So He Can Ask Someone To Videotape Him Squatting – I just ran into this guy, and I was absolutely shocked when I saw what was going on. The audacity it must take to have someone else record you lifting weight is so ridiculous that I could never even fathom it happening. It reaches new heights of douchebaggery. I will admit, he did have a lot of weight on the bar for his single squat (I overheard 765 lbs, which would make it eight plates on each side), but I really don’t understand what the end goal was with this attempt. The saddest part came at the end, as he breathed heavy, made as much of a scene of himself as possible, and when he went for it…oh wait, he pussed out and didn’t even attempt it. I can understand failure in that situation, but he never even lifted it. What a bitch.

No Shirt Guy – This is something that I thought only happened at Muscle Beach, but apparently people get confused when they hit the basement of the downtown Davenport YMCA. This just absolutely baffles me. I cannot put words together to describe how pathetic a person must be to do this in a weight room where ZERO girls work out.

Shadow Boxer/Flex Guy – Only the baddest motherfuckers on the planet go to the gym, so the question becomes, how do you differentiate yourself so you are seen as the biggest badass in the gym? It’s quite simple, just start flexing in front of the mirror to get those muscles popping. If that doesn’t do the trick, let everybody in the gym know that you know what to do with those flexed muscles and start shadow boxing in front of the mirror. I have no fight training, so I can’t say I’m an expert on anything relating to throwing a punch. However, I feel comfortable in the fact that I can spot somebody else who clearly has had no training. The key is to not fall for the simple bob & weave. If your bob & weave makes it look like you’re trying to do The Robot, you probably haven’t gone pro in your fighting career. The other thing I always see is that nothing ever comes from the lower body. Who needs power from their legs when they can flail those arms that just got done doing curls at their imaginary opponent. One time, I hope that one of the shadow boxers cannot avoid a punch from their imaginary opponent and gets knocked out or at least rocked a little bit. I will applaud them for their effort even if the imaginary man wins.

And that wraps up this series...until I see something else that is ridiculous in the gym that needs to be pointed out. I'm guessing it will be a matter of days. Downtown Y, Represent.

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