Monday, February 22, 2010

The Best Internet Videos Ever

Everything is going viral these days, and some videos absolutely blow up to great internet phenomenon for no great reason. There is nothing redeeming about Two Girls, One Cup, but still, just about everybody I know has seen it. Now, why did this become more popular than videos of a guy nailing his testicles to a wooden board? How did this video blow up instead of a scene where a priest runs around in a meadow and then takes a dump in a nun's mouth? I don't know.

What I wanted to address were two videos that never got very popular but that are probably two of the funniest videos on the internet.

First, the videos come from Canada, always a good sign. Second, they are supposed to be public service announcements. Fantastic. Finally, they are about domestic abuse, and they go WAY over the top to make their point. I would put a disclaimer that I think domestic abuse against women is wrong, but if you think that I am advocating beating up women, then you're a goddamned moron. Still, simulated violence against women can be hilarious.

VIDEO 1:
This first video takes place in an office setting. So the meeting is going on, and the main fellow believes that the numbers are wrong on the presentation. He tries to correct, but then he is rudely interrupted by the lady sitting nearby. His reaction is understandable.



At about 8 seconds in, he gives her the glare of the beast. In the wild, this female would know to scamper away to avoid harm. Instead she sits there smugly. Bad move office lady, very bad move. Our guy decides to let her know to never correct him in public, so he bashes her head against the desk. Standard procedure. Then he asks a great question, "Who do you think you are, you ignorant cow?"

Since she does not respond to his question, he throws her down to shake some brain activity in her. When this does not work, he is left to do the only thing he can think of, spike a stapler on her limp body.

Most people would think that is the end of the greatness, but they would be wrong. After spiking the stapler, he fixes his tie and adjusts his pants, because he knows that he is a man of style and does not want to look like a slob after laying the smack down.

VIDEO 2:
Video 2 is actually titled, Hilarious Domestic Violence PSA, so this makes me feel a ton better about not being a bad person.

We are at a restaurant where a father is having brunch with his three kids. He compliments his youngest daughter on what a great job she is doing on her picture. Clearly, this is a great guy, and he would never harm anyone, unless he is provoked of course. This waitress decided to test her luck. She pours him some more coffee, and is absolutely careless when pouring it into his cup. He tries to suppress his anger as he states, "She spilled my coffee." This is the moment where the youngest daughter puts on a sad face, because she knows what is about to come. The waitress decides to patronize him and gives a half-hearted apology. The father is not impressed, and he responds with this:


"You fucking bitch."

He puts her in a full-on rape choke, and offers her some coffee...on her chest. She spilled coffee, he spilled coffee - that would seem to make things even, but this father is a winner. He had to one-up her, so he gives her the old backhand across the face and lets her lay in a puddle of coffee and womanly fluids.

And just like our first main guy, this father knows that he must remain stylish. So he quietly sits in his seat and fixes his hair to enjoy the rest of his meal.

Why have these videos not blown up? No idea, but they need to be shared with the world; it may be the best thing to come out of Canada since Georges St. Pierre. Also, if you'd like to learn more about their cause, visit their website at Homefront Calgary.

-Joe

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