Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Jersey Shore

Obviously, everyone who watched Jersey Shore agrees that it was a fantastic show. The best thing about the show was that Italian-American groups tried to protest it, and it went from having awful ratings the first week to being the highest rated show in MTV history by the season finale. Thank you advocacy groups, you fucked yourselves.

Here are some quick rankings for how important the characters were:

1. The Situation - Clearly the alpha dog of the show and maybe the most important MTV reality show character since Puck. Outside of the blatant use of steroids, he could definitely be somebody that I would hang out with, ignoring your female friends to try to get laid, now that's a guy that represents.
2. Pauly D - Pauly was quiet for the most part, but he had a stalker, and as he stated, "He just wants to get to the business." I really want to hate anyone who spends 25 minutes on their hair, but Pauly D nearly took a grenade. Mad props, Pauly D.
3. Snooki - She may represent the major problem with the show, and that is none of the girls are all that attractive. At least she is completely honest about her intentions, and she might be the dumbest person on the show, which is an accomplishment in itself.

There's a significant drop-off after these three as the rest of the cast is replaceable and not all that interesting.

4. Vinny - Had his moments, but nothing about him really makes me interested in what he is going to do next.
5. J-Woww - Might slut it up on the next season if she ditches her boyfriend. Has an absolutely heinous face.

Now we enter the people that are actually painfully boring to watch when all they do is slow down the interesting people.

6. Angelina - At least she was gone by the third episode.
7. Ronnie - Dumber than a sledgehammer, but I have a feeling the sledgehammer would feel pain before he would.
8. Sammi Sweetheart - A boring cunt.

Word on the street all eight are coming back for season two, and as we break down the characters, that means we have five people that really didn't help the show all that much. This is not the biggest problem that they have though. The biggest problem is the success of the show.

They are going away from Jersey Shore for the next season, but it really doesn't matter where you put these people, because now they're famous. Watching guidos and guidettes try to get laid and get shot down is hilarious. Watching celebrities successfully get laid is not entertainment. It's going to be boring, and I think the producers know that. Hence, we'll see them much more in the fake reality TV genre where everything is contrived and pre-planned so that they have moments like the first season.

This show was fantastic for one season, and it will be tough for any reality TV show to come out with that strong of a first season again. As much as I hate to say it, season two is doomed, and that's a sad Situation.

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