Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Gym Idiots - Part 4

I can't believe it's necessary, but there are more douchebags at the gym that need to be brought to the world's attention. Here are four more guys that should not be allowed out in public.


Polo Guy – There is a serious problem if you worry about what you are wearing to the gym. Every day I come up with the crushingly easy decision of shorts and t-shirt. It’s simple, and I cannot believe how few people are able to come up with this combination before going to the gym. As I have already talked about Under Armour dude, I wanted to focus on another douche of the highest magnitude, the Polo Guy. I don’t understand the thought process it takes to decide that a polo is the best option when going to the gym. Nobody thinks, “Wow, that guy knows how to dress.” They just think, “Wow, that guy is a giant douche, and I bet he doesn’t have any friends.” Wearing a polo to the gym is equivalent to wearing a tuxedo to McDonalds, you don’t look nice, you look like an idiot who deserves to be robbed (Special thanks to Joel Campbell for reminding me about this guy).

Douche

Cologne Guy – I probably don’t have the best smell of anybody in the gym, but at worst, I smell like the gym. I can handle that smell. Iron and sweat is something that you get used to in the gym. What I do have a problem with is the guy who cakes on cologne before going to the gym. This guy is way worse than Polo Guy, because I can look away from Polo Guy, but my nose cannot get out of the way of Cologne Guy. It’s just an obnoxious smell and completely unnecessary.


Prayer Guy – This is an amazing person to behold. He is the most intense guy at the gym, but he is so intense that it ceases to look like a guy who is focusing and more of just a cartoon character of what a person should act like at the gym. He paces in front of dumbbell rack as he pumps himself up for a big lift. Then he stops, puts his hands on the 25 lb dumbbells and focuses intently on the mirror. Just when I think it can’t get any douchier, he decides that he needs to get a little more energy. What does he do? He makes the sign of the cross, bows his head, and gets his prayer on. Then he curls those 25 pounders, like a badass. This is the most shocking thing I had seen since Video Guy, and it was amazing. My advice for people working out, if you need to pray to lift the weights, maybe you should just use less weight.


Too Much Weight Guy – What is better than lifting a bunch of weight? Lifting a bunch of weight correctly. Unfortunately, many in the gym just go with more is better and try to put up as much weight as possible while showing awful form and throwing their entire body into lifts instead of using focused muscles. If you are this guy, or even impressed by this guy, you are a douche:




Douche.

I really hope this wraps up all the douchebags at the gym, but I doubt it.

-Joe

1 comment:

  1. it counts as a lift when you barely move it? douche...

    ReplyDelete