Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Old School Writings

I've got an exciting new feature for the blog that is called Old School Writings. Basically, I am going to look back on my writing life and resurrect something that was written years ago and post it up on the blog.

Today's exciting feature comes from an old documents folder, and it is one in a collection of raps that I wrote and never shared with the world.

Is this first rap about the tough life on the streets? No. How about doing drugs and stuff? Nope. So it's about sexing the ladies? Haha, not a chance. This first rap is about Asian baseball players. Yep, bet you weren't expecting that one. I never actually finished any of these raps, but here is the rap titled, "Ode to the Asian Baseball Players".

Hee Seop Choi, you my boy
Everybody knows that you’re from South Korea
You’re making them bitch-ass pitchers gargle diarrhea.
Hitting balls to the left and to the right
You on the Cubs is hella tight.
You be rocking all the pitchers from the Cards
Making them all, look like retards.
You driving your hits to the gaps
You better than all those stupid Japs.
In the field, you deserve a gold glove
Out of all the first-basemen, you rise above.
Having you on the team is almost a crime
The Cubs will win the series, it’s only a matter of time.
But lets move on to Byung Hyun Kim.
He didn’t play b-ball, because he couldn’t touch the rim.
He throws the ball hard but that ain’t nothing
In the game of poker, you can never tell if he’s bluffing.

If any record execs out there are looking to sign the next big thing, trust me, there's more where that came from.

-Joe

P.S. Here's a fairly new video from Jon Lajoie. Obviously, it's brilliant, and I may have to incorporate some of his moves into my West Coast Dance.

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