Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Six Worst Types of People on the Planet: Part 5

And so we have reached number one on the list. Honestly, I'm sure there are tons of groups of people out there that I failed to mention, so if you have some suggestions, I could probably find the strength to write about more people that are useless to the world.

1. Tea Party Patriots - The only time these fuckers should ever be number one, because holy shit, as bad as juggalos are, they can't even compare to the stupidity of Tea Party Patriots. Tea Party Patriots can be summed up in one sentence: Republicans who hate taxes and LOVE Sarah Palin.

That last part scares the shit out of me. Before delving deeply into the real scary shit, I would like to reveal a screenshot from the official magazine of the Tea Party Patriots.

They use Ads by Google, nothing wrong with that as this illustrious blog also gets help from Google to pay the bills. I have written about some ridiculous shit, and still, I have never been sponsored by Bad Idea t-shirts. Google ads are set to make sense with what is on your website, and when looking up Sarah Palin, Google knew that she could only be described with two words: Bad Idea.

Anybody who likes Sarah Palin, quite frankly, terrifies me. They're the type of people that logic does not exist. Say they dropped their wedding ring down the kitchen sink, something that happens all the time on TV but never in real life. They reach down the drain and are able to close their hand on the ring. The problem is, that when they have a closed fist, they can't pull their hand out. Smart people would let go and try to go after it a different way. Dumb people would start screaming and keep their hand down there. People who like Sarah Palin would cut their arm off with the nearest knife. Is it logical? God no, but at least their hand isn't stuck anymore. You could tell them that their hand wasn't stuck in the first place until they dropped the ring, but they have already forgotten about problem one as it no longer fits their agenda. That's why these people scare the fuck out of me.

Unlike the other people that made this list, they are not harmless, they are extremely harmful. I've never met a Tea Party Patriot in real life, but that just means I've been lucky so far. These are the bottom-dwelling mouth breathers of the world. If you come across one, I advise you not to argue logic with them, it will prove fruitless. Just politely nod and slowly back away until you are a safe distance away from them, then sprint out of there like your life depends on it...because it probably does.

Thinking about supporting the Tea Party? You'd be better off having a Lemon Party with Goatse (I did not check to see if those links worked).


P.S. Val Kilmer was on my flight back to Albuquerque last night. It was cool that I saw him, but it also kind of depressed me. Not for the fact that he's balding and has a ponytail, but that if our plane would have crashed, it would have been known as the plane crash where Val Kilmer and others died. I really need this blog to grow so it can be Val Kilmer, blogger Hott Joe, and others died on a plane crash. Spread the word.

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