Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Babies Are Ugly, Get a Puppy Instead

Being in my mid-twenties, my friends are starting to mature by buying houses, getting married, and starting families. This last one is what I have the biggest issue with. It just does not make sense why anybody would want a baby, because babies are absolutely disgusting. I simply did a quick Google search of babies, and these are the disgusting results that I came across.

There is no way you could look at that and find any feeling other than disgust, especially with the one on the right. It's smashed up face makes it look like a Chinese grandpa who just tripped and went head first into a wall. And honestly, if they didn't wear blue and pink, there would be no way to tell what sex these little bastards were. Even with the colors, we could definitely be wrong, because all babies so ugly that it gets difficult to tell. All babies are like the Hanson kids, it's impossible to tell which ones are girls and which ones are boys. Let's check out another ugly baby:
You know what this baby's thinking? "I wish I was a puppy, because then I wouldn't be so damn ugly." Sorry baby, you are ugly, and somebody put a stupid looking shower cap on your head. Look at the bright side, everybody else has to look at your stupid face a lot more than you have to. Shit, let's move onto the next heinous looking baby:
Look how fat and stupid this baby is. You want to say that's a boy baby, but maybe it's an overly developed girl baby. You don't know, hence these creatures are disgusting. I need to get these awful images out of my head, and there's one surefire way to do that, pictures of puppies. I would say pictures of cute puppies, but all puppies are cute, so it's really just redundant at that point.
Hello puppy, how are you today?
I think this proves that puppies are way cuter, but we'll share one more picture just to seal the deal.
When you are starting a family, don't go the baby route, go the puppy route. That way, when people tell you how cute your little one is, they'll actually be telling the truth.

-Joe

P.S. Jose Canseco got back to tweeting yesterday, as always, it's brilliant:
JoseCanseco Guys don't be jealous cause I am tall dark and handsome and just turned 46 and have a gorgeous 23 year old girlfriend not to mention that
JoseCanseco I am hung like a clydesdale dammmm I am good

And then just a few minutes later:
JoseCanseco I am bored of you guys no one has a smart comment to make its like I am dealing with a bunch of dumb chimps or something

Come on you idiots, give Jose smart comments so he does not get bored.

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