Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Quintessential Guide to Seducing Women - Buying Drinks

Alright, I am back to help those poor souls that don't know what they are doing when it comes to seducing the ladies. In my first post, I gave you the greatest secret to seducing women on the dance floor with West Coast Dance. Now that your pimp hand is strong, I'm going to keep your wallet strong as well.

Never buy women drinks. Let me repeat that, never e-e-ever buy women drinks. As I have said numerous times, women are only after your money. You have to make them earn your money instead of just handing it off to any broad with a cute smile and a low-cut shirt. I know that I am a man, and therefore, I am the true catch of the evening. All day, I hunt for the words to make a perfect blog post, so when I go out at night, I expect to sit back, relax, and let the ladies impress me in any way that they can. Buying them drinks is never on my agenda.

The woman should invest in the man, because, let's face facts, I'm going to be the long-term breadwinner of the family. Yesterday, I made $1.23 off the blog's advertisements. That's pittance, yet I'm pretty sure Oprah was the only woman to make more money than me yesterday. A woman needs to use all of her pathetically low income to seduce men, because they're going to need somebody to support them when they obviously can't fend for themselves.

Let's look at a real life example to help illustrate my point. Sports agents give up front cash to athletes to help them sign them, because it is an investment that they believe will be far more lucrative in the future. An agent can give Reggie Bush a house, because he knows he will make that money back and then some in the future. It is the same thing with women. They need to invest in us, so that we are stuck supporting them later on.

Let's face it, we do get stuck once we get locked down in commitment. Women's value peaks in their early 20s. Men peak at the very last second that they are alive. Our value only increases with age as we are a fine wine, and women are Milk, as they're usually only good for about two weeks.

So next time you go out to the bar, don't bother bringing extra cash to impress women, bring no cash, and let the ladies impress you.

-Joe

P.S. Chris Chambers has shown me that true love does exist.

P.P.S. Had this existed when I went to school, there is no doubt that I would have pushed myself twice as hard in my classes.

P.P.P.S. I'm pretty sure this is Barleycorn's (I could be completely off on this since I have only been there when I was extremely intoxicated), and I'm pretty sure this guy is West Coast Dancing ridiculously close to the spot that I first busted out my karate moves. Bravo sir, bravo.

1 comment:

  1. That bar is clearly Flamingo Todds or Flamingo Joes.. google it.

    ReplyDelete