Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Running The Race Card

Since I'm almost in shape, I often like to pop my shirt off and go for a run. Most of the time, I need to blast the most hate-filled heavy metal music I can find (Hatebreed is perfect for this) so I can pump myself up. On rare occasions, I can just blast some new badass country and just kind of chill out, get into the zone, and run while observing human nature. I'm an extremely friendly runner as I will at least give a head nod to anybody willing to make eye contact and have sometimes gone as far as to say "How's it going?" while flying by at a ridiculous speed. After running thousands of miles, I feel like I have a pretty good idea on human nature when it comes to their interaction with runners. Here is my rundown.

White People - I would say they are the biggest wildcard of the bunch based just off race, but since I run across more white people than other races, I have been able to break it down. Old white people are generally friendly. Within that age group, the males tend to be friendlier than the females. This is disturbing in that I can only think that the old white women think that I am a guy who goes running to go looking for rape victims. I am not that guy, nor do I believe that guy exists. It's very tiring to run, so the person would probably be too tired to go for a rapin' when his legs are exhausted.

Middle-age people with their families are the least friendly people. They immediately try to protect their youth from the evil shirtless runner and do not ever give a courtesy nod. This is disappointing, but not their worst offense. If I am running on a city street, a family will never give the courtesy move over if they see me running. They take up the entire sidewalk, forcing me to hop into the uneven grass or possibly right into the street. This sucks, because I have no recourse for their actions. I can't stop and fight them, and if I give the stroller a karate kick while running by, all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy.

Meanwhile, lonely middle-aged people are quite friendly for the most part. The lonelier their eyes look, the nicer they usually are, because they're just looking for a friend. I like running by lonely people. This is especially true when dealing with bummies, as bummies are extremely friendly to runners. I treat them like any other person on the street, and I believe they appreciate my kind eyes.

Young people are kind of a crapshoot. The males are usually very unfriendly. I think this might be because I am shirtless and they are jealous of my body. Females are very interesting as some are unwilling to look at me at all, and some ladies give me seductive smiles while I pass by. Again, this goes back to my bodacious bod, as some ladies are too intimidated to even make eye contact with such a specimen, as other, more confident girls, are hoping to get themselves a piece of this. In all cases, I completely understand.

Black People - They are without a doubt the friendliest people that I have run into on the streets. It doesn't matter what age, sex, or what their level of loneliness is, they are almost always friendly when I am running. I think this could be a confidence issue as black people generally seem to be more sure of themselves in neutral situations. White people like to have the upper hand in situations, but black people seem to believe in themselves no matter what the outside circumstances are. And unlike old white ladies, they probably realize that a skinny white boy going for a run probably isn't a threat to them.

Asians - They are almost always extremely passive yet respectful. They won't really give you a smile, but they'll acknowledge you exist without trying to cause any sort of confrontation. I'm pretty indifferent towards their behavior.

Hispanics - Very similar to the Asians in that they are very passive, but they don't have as friendly as eyes as the Asians do. It also doesn't help that a guy driving a truck nearly hit me on my latest run on Saturday night. They lost big points there.

And that has been my highly scientific study on how different races, ages, and sexes react to a sexy runner. Basically, to round this all up, I hate white families, and love black people.

-Joe

P.S. I just finished watching the movie, "How to Make Love to a Woman." Holy shit, it was poorly written, poorly acted, had limited attractive people, do not watch this movie. It's not epically bad, but it really doesn't have one redeeming quality to save it.

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