Thursday, September 9, 2010

People I Love - Chapter 3: Viacheslav Datsik

I'm sure most of you have never heard of Viacheslav Datsik. That changes today, because you need to be introduced to this amazing human being. Datsik is an MMA fighter. Instead of describing him, I feel this video does the justice for me:

Now you may think that this is just some awful Russian goofball with limited skills. And sure his 4-9 record does not do much to support his prowess in MMA. But hey, two of those losses were DQs, and how was he supposed to know that eye gouging and ball shots were not legal? He thought he was in a fight. Oh yeah, and he has knocked out a former UFC Heavyweight champion.

Suck on that haters. Not only did he knock out Andrei Arlovski, he hit him with a somersault kick to set up the knockout punch. Even after his extensive accomplishments, I only liked Datsik. Then I found out why he hasn't fought since 2003. He's been locked up in a mental institute.

His psychiatrist had this to say about Datsik:

"He behaved like a criminal. A clever criminal. Datsik was aggressive only towards the prisoners (in asylum) and sick inmates. He never attacked the medical staff. He could only try to scare us a little bit. These things are a sign of how well he managed to maintain the critical aspects of his sanity. His intelligence hasn't reduced. He quietly opened his cell, walked through the garden, talking on a cell phone, beating up and crippling other prisoners."

Yeah, so he's just as smart as ever, and he's crippling the weak and sick. But this is where shit got really interesting, because a few weeks ago, he tired of being locked up in a mental institute. He did what any total badass would do, and he tore through the fence using nothing but his bare hands. Being in a psychiatric ward really doesn't seem all that awesome, but escaping anywhere using nothing but your bare hands is goddamn awesome. Oh yeah, and after escaping, he robbed a phone store for some cash and a Nokia phone. Nokia? This guy is fucking old school. I love it.

Some would think that after escaping a mental institute and robbing a phone store, Datsik would like to keep a low profile. But that is not the case. Brock Lesnar, good luck buddy, Datsik is training for his fighting comeback.

So Datsik may run into some problems when he gets his fights, because either he's grown to eight feet tall and 500 pounds, or he's fighting a 12 year old. Either way, he didn't look very dominating, but this is the guy who believed in the devastation of the somersault kick, so he could be playing with everyone. As Roddy Piper famously said, "When you've got the answers, I change the questions." I have no clue what questions Datsik is asking right now, but I certainly no longer have the answers. All I can say is, Viacheslav Datsik, I love you.

-Joe

P.S. Some great advice from my number one love.
JoseCanseco Haters will always lie
That is why I do not trust haters.

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