Sunday, October 3, 2010

Speaking of...

As a writer, I felt like I needed to post something to start this week.

Speaking of worthless people, fat people pissed me off this week. Honestly, I have no problem if you are fat, and you make the necessary adjustments to not let your fatness affect me. But when you don't make those adjustments, it does not sit well with me. The latest example of this was when I was getting my shirtless run on (I mention shirtless so the ladies can get a nice mental image going). No skinny person ever does this, but for some reason, fat people decided that they should not walk on either side of the sidewalk, they should walk directly in the middle of the sidewalk. Could they get over when they see a runner coming? No, because they're fat, and they might tip over into someone's yard, or (hopefully) into oncoming traffic. Fat people, get the fuck out of my way.

Speaking of things that bother me, I hate big sunglasses. I am completely unable to identify people I have known for years if they are wearing sunglasses that cover half their face. It reminds me of a time where some broad that I made out with near the end of one school year (she took advantage of me while I was intoxicated) walked by me during the beginning of the next school year. I walked right by her, and she said hi as I was crossing by. I looked like an asshole for not saying anything, but it's her fault, because I can't recognize somebody from the lower half of the face. All I knew is that it wasn't Tom Selleck, because the person definitely didn't have an award winning mustache. Had I noticed this tasty treat, who knows what could have happened? I may have let her bang me (and if any family member is reading this, bang me means banging down the doors to my heart, having a wonderful, long relationship until we get married and we share our sacred flowers with each other).

Speaking of tasty treats (a term I plan on using with reckless abandon), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was brilliant this past week. When I go out for tasty treats, I'm not even going to spit game, I'm just going to let the implication do the work for me. Ladies don't say no as long as there's an implication of danger. God bless implications.

Speaking of shows on FX, I think The League is an extremely overrated show. I thought the end of last season and the beginning of this season were actually really good, but it's been pretty poor outside of that. This past week's episode is what I'm assuming watching The Hills must be like. Just mind-bogglingly stupid. I know they like having pro football players on the show to make the producers feel cool, but it serves no goddamn purpose. It's the same thing every time, "Hello Mr. Famous Football Player, please play well so my fantasy team wins. Thanks." Is that necessary? No. This would have just been simple poor writing, but (in this fictional world) Terrell Suggs and Josh Cribbs both went to Chicago in the middle of the week between their first and second games. Cribbs spent at least two days in Chicago. Eric Mangini must be a very understanding coach.

Speaking of famous world-class athletes, you really didn't think this blog post was going to pass up a chance to bring up Jose Canseco, did you? I'll let Jose take it away:
JoseCanseco I am so glad everyone out there has a perfect life,maybe putting me down makes u feel better glad I can help
If you think that putting Jose down to make yourself feel better will make Jose a worse person, well buddy, you are sadly mistaken. Take it away Jose.
JoseCanseco No matter how much you hate me or lie about me or put me down,I will always help someone in need and stick up for the truth
Boom, Jose loves the truth and people in need. There is nothing you can do to change that. As always, I love Jose Canseco.

Speaking of Jose Canseco, I think it's time to end this shit.


P.S. This is a clever idea that has actually helped a barber shop's business grow:
I just don't understand why anyone would want to get their haircut while looking at an inferior body. Wait. What's that? Not everyone has as perfect of a physique as myself. Nevermind then, forget I said anything.

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