Monday, November 29, 2010

I'm Sorry For Being Racist...Against White People

Obviously, the title is the beginning of my confession.  I can't say that I'm proud of myself for my actions, but it is what it is and I am going to strive to get better.  I always thought of myself as someone who didn't care about color, that someone's actions were more important than their outward appearance.  When it comes to most things, this is the case, but there are certain situations where I just don't trust white people.

It actually all started when I was a kid.  I don't blame my parents as they have never encouraged me to be anything but open minded.  I never wanted to have the same favorite players as my friends and family, so I had to venture outside of the box.  In basketball, everybody loved Jordan, so my favorite player was Scottie Pippen.  In baseball, I chose Kirby Puckett.  And in football, my favorite player was Warren Moon. 

Although I did it subconsciously, there was one thing these guys all had in common; they were not white guys.  Let's face facts, in basketball, I didn't have much of a choice unless I just wanted to cheer for a shitty basketball player.  In baseball, my brother's favorite player was Ryne Sandberg, so I couldn't choose him.  Sure I could have gone with fellow Cub, Mark Grace, but there was nothing flashy about him.  I needed someone with pizazz, so my favorite was Kirby Puckett.  The most egregious example was definitely in football.  Everybody knows that quarterback is the glamour position of the NFL, and at the time it was completely dominated by a bunch of white guys.  I had to go out of my way to pick the one guy who stood out from all the others as my favorite player.

I'm sure lots of other kids did the same thing as me growing up, so I didn't think it was an issue, just a kid being a kid, you know?  I didn't hate white people, did I?  Unfortunately, this year taught me that old habits die hard.  Really, this apology is meant for one person more than all the others:
Peyton Hillis, I'm sorry.  When you were punishing tacklers on your way to taking over the number one running back spot from Jerome Harrison, I figured you'd find a way to do something only a white guy would do and lose your job to a superior athlete.  I mean, yeah, I'll put white guys on the offensive line, even at tight end, but at running back?  I don't think so.  Sure, you put up a solid ten and eleven point performances to start the year, but those were against Tampa Bay and Kansas City, surely Harrison would take over the starting job after you failed miserably against Baltimore.  Instead, you had seven catches, ran for 144 yards, including a touchdown, and ended up with 24 fantasy points.  By this time, it was far too late to try to acquire you.  I hung onto Jerome Harrison for a few more weeks, but I knew it was in vain.  Yes, Peyton Hillis, you are a white guy, but you are also one hell of a running back.  If you weren't white, we could probably be cruising into the fantasy playoffs together, but alas, we will be competing against each other, and I have no one to blame but myself.  This goes out to the entire race, but especially to you Peyton: 
I hope you can forgive me.

-Joe

P.S.  I probably shouldn't bring this up, but there is one other thing all my favorite players had in common; they all beat their wives.  Um...yeah, I'm not quite ready to dive into that fact yet, so you'll have to wait for that blog post.

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