When watching the movie, "Knucklehead", starring The Big Show (yes, I only watch the worst movies ever made), I noticed a phenomenon that has been portrayed in movies since the beginning of time (or the beginning of movies, not sure which one came first). Every time people kiss in front of a crowd, it gets a standing ovation as people hoot and holler in cheer of this amazing accomplishment.
The thing is, it's really not all that impressive. Not to brag or anything, but I have kissed not one, but multiple girls, on the lips no less. Yet nobody has ever stood up and cheered for this achievement. To be fair, people have stood and cheered some of my other exploits, especially on the dance floor, but I am going to do my best to not turn this into a discussion of West Coast Dance.
But kissing ain't no big deal. As I head to Iowa City this weekend for drinks, debauchery, and da broads, I know that I will see many of these young lasses partaking in this amazing activity with young gentlemen. No hands will be clapped.
The only time that people actually applaud a kiss is in weddings. I don't think most people are applauding the kiss, but you know, the actual holy union of marriage. I do not applaud marriage at all as it means one of my friends just became a lot less fun. I do still clap though. I like to clap for whichever partner I feel is of lower social value than the other, because they're marrying up, and that should be everybody's goal in life.
Although, I am complaining about the standing ovation for kissing, I feel like clapping is an underutilized action outside of sporting events. The world would be a better place if more people got applause for a job well done. I can't say I'd mind it if I heard some golf claps when I had an especially quick trip to the ATM. The world would certainly benefit if people clapped anytime somebody perfectly grilled up a burger during tailgating. Hell, I would even start blogging in public more often if everybody applauded at the library when I finally hit the "Publish Post" button.
So, if you're out this weekend, and you see two young people partaking in the momentous culmination of kissing while drunkenly falling around the bar. Take a tip from Hollywood, and make their fairy tale a reality with a good old-fashioned slow clap.
P.S. I don't know how they messed up a movie that had The Big Show, MMA, fat kids, and Terry Tate, but unfortunately, WWE Films did not deliver with this film.
P.P.S. I have made my triumphant return to Iowa, and I'll be in Iowa City this weekend. What I want to know from my readers is their interest in one question, just three letters: F...A...C?