Monday, December 27, 2010

How To Piss Your Girl Off

Today I tackle a topic that I know nothing about, because even in my screw-ups, girls find my actions cute and charming.  Pissing off girls is not my forte, so I have enlisted the help of Twitter to find out what others have done to piss their girl off.  Sadly, these are real people who really wrote these tweets.

http://twitter.com/#!/INAREALWAY/status/18100154720587776
INAREALWAY Inarealway
#howtopissyourgirloff , KEY HER CAR, FLAT HER TIRES, AND SUGAR HER DAMN TANK!!!
I feel like this guy didn’t quite get the point of this exercise.  This wouldn’t just piss a girlfriend off, this would piss anyone off.  He’s missing the essence of what the topic is trying to convey.  Other things that INAREALWAY thought about:
1.  Break every window at her house.
2.  Kill her family.
3.  Rape her dog.
Good try Inarealway.  Close, but no cigar.

#howtopissyourgirloff "when she call i dont asnwer i just write her back...she hate it when i do that shiiitt!"
NOVA gets it.  She really does hate it when he does that shiiitt.  It’s partly because it comes across as him not caring as much as she does, but it’s more about the fact that he makes every other wooorrd incredibly looongg making it reeeealllllly haaaarrd to understand.  That would drive me crazy too.

iHateDanaMattox Dana Nicole Mattox
#HowToPissYourGirlOff eat her the whole box of fruity pebbles.....yeah this nigga must wanna die !
This is a great example of why you need to read the entire tweet.  If this did not have the words “of fruity pebbles,” this would mean something very different and probably shouldn’t be something that pisses a girlfriend off.  Still, I think Dana Mattox has some big time issues.  The most obvious issue is that her Twitter name is hating herself, which definitely worries me, because I care about everyone on Twitter.  She must learn to love herself before she can love others.  I know it irritates you Dana Nicole Mattox, but someone finishing your fruity pebbles is not a reason to murder that person.  Give peace a chance.

tree_bro Hello
#howtopissyourgirloff drink tea all day, place your girl on a cliff & literally piss on her til she falls off
When I first read this, my initial thought that this is actually too stupid of a tweet to actually post on my blog.  Then I looked at it more, and I felt like this stupidity needed to be shared with the world.  This man’s plan is to drink tea all day, then take his girlfriend to a cliff, have her stand on the edge of the cliff, and LITERALLY piss her off a cliff.  Although, I understand he was trying to be funny (and failing), let's break this idea down.

Personally, any girl that I know would probably get suspicious by the time that I insisted they stand on the edge of a cliff.  If that didn’t tip them off, I would assume that me standing near them and unzipping my pants would almost definitely make them question my intentions.  If I somehow made it past this point (I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a girl this stupid, I’m just saying I haven’t), no girl would allow me to piss on her until eventually my stream became so powerful that it pushed her off a cliff.  Here is the picture that tree_bro has provided for us.

As you can see, he appears to be at least mildly retarded.  Realizing this, there is a good chance that the only girlfriends he’s had are either paraplegics or pet rocks.  I guess in this case, his plan may actually work.

kmtwinz 1of2
#howtopissyourgirloff if she ever ask u do she have some good pussy u say I had better
Black people have cooler conversations than I have.  Here’s a typical conversation from my world.

Me:  Well, that was fun.
Her:  You were amazing.
Me:  Yep, that’s a fact.
Her:  How was I?
Me:  You were…there. 

But black people take things to a whole different, way more awesome, level.  This is what my conversation would sound like if I had any coolness (blackness) in me:

Me:  That was off the chain.
Her:  You were the shit.
Me:  Fo shizzle.
Her:  Do I have some good pussy?
Me:  Some.

That would be awesome.

-Joe

P.S.  I hope somebody reminds me to watch this video every Christmas, because there will never be a time where this doesn't bring me joy.

No comments:

Post a Comment