Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I Hate Females Who...

I figured today would be as good as any to check in with Twitter and see what offensive stuff is trending these days.  The most hilarious tag that I could find was #ihatefemaleswho, and I was correct in my assumption that it could provide some entertainment.  I don't know why, but the trending topics seem to always complain about females.  Ladies, please get creative and start dissing on males so I can make you famous on my blog (which I know is every lady's dream).  Until then, we'll stick to finding flaws with women.

@fabulousswagg Christopher Outlaw
#ihatefemaleswho say "no" but really mean yes. Wait, I kind of like that...scratch that!
Something tells me that Christopher Outlaw is a pseudonym, because he is running from the law.  If a man tells you that his name is Christopher Outlaw, run away.  If there is one thing that the Lifetime Network has taught me, it's that women say no, they mean no.  If you always think that no means yes, and you enjoy being told no, there is a 186% chance you are a rapist.  How could it possibly be over 100%?  These are the kind of rapists who go through open fields at night, just hoping that a cow will say "Moo" because that's close enough to a no.  Cow rapists deserve an extra 86%.

@iAmChuckie Chuckie Watkis
#IHateFemalesWho Don't know their worth.. Women are the best thing on this planet...
This is a very short-sighted view by Chuckie Watkis.  You see, Chuckie, if you value women, you should want them to not know their worth.  If you let women know that they are the best thing on this planet, then you have nothing to offer since you clearly have lower value than them.  I personally disagree that women are the best thing on this planet, because if I thought that, I would be denying my own existence. 

#iHateFemalesWho are cute but they breathe stink.
I absolutely love this post, because he is not saying that their breath stinks.  He is saying that they breathe stink.  For some reason, that slight altering in the words is hilarious to me.  I cannot wait to approach girls with my Playboy Passion Shot routine. 
If they somehow manage to turn down the greatest night of their life, you best believe I will be notifying them that they breathe stink.

@lexxaye Mood Swing Central
#ihatefemaleswho don't know how to properly clean their lady parts.
I don’t feel like it’s fair to hate a female who can’t clean her lady parts.  I feel like we should sympathize with these ladies, and offer them instructional videos.  The most complicated part of cleaning my man parts is not throwing my back out lifting up my ballsack.  I’m not sure what steps go into cleaning lady parts, but I’m guessing proper lifting technique isn’t one of them.

#ihatefemaleswho fight over dick
Sharing is caring ladies.

P.S.  Whisky in a can?  Whisky in a can.

P.P.S.  I can't really blame Rob Lowe for being pissed.  I just respect the man for keeping it real.

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