Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Think We Could All Use A Group Hug

Grouphug is one of my favorite websites on the internet.  I learn nothing from it; I think it makes me a worse person, but it sure is entertaining.  For the uninitiated, Grouphug is a place where people can anonymously confess to the bad things they've done.  The anonymity truly is what makes it awesome.  Let's see what the depraved world has been up to lately.

Confession
i ventrilo-fart people at work.
I believe this confession epitomizes why this website was such a great thing to the world.  This absolutely blows my mind, but it's something that I would very much like to do.  If I could fart, but make everyone believe it came from someone else, well, I could probably take over the world.  I think if I could ventrilo-fart, I would make my target girls 90% of the time.  There's just much more comedic value in blaming a fart on a girl than there is on a guy.  In fact, I have been rewatching The Pickup Artist, and my new neg may be going up to girls and accusing them of dropping bombs.  I'm pretty sure that'd be money.

Confession
I wish you weren’t such a sexy little asian so that we could be friends without me wanting to touch you.
I can almost guarantee they are referring to William Hung.
Confession
i smoked weed and i’m not ashamed. i do feel gross about it though.  i dont want to be a POT HEAD.
This is why I feel they need to let people comment on confessions.  That gross feeling you're having is probably shame, so yes, you are ashamed of what you did.  You dirty pot head.

Confession
My bedroom has knobs which unscrew. The other night, I put baby oil over it and shoved it up my arse whilst I had a wank. It was good.  I thought I’d grown out of shoving things up my arse but thanks to this website my passion has been renewed. (28 y/o male)
Due to his use of arse, I think it's fair to assume he's British.  Now I've never been to the UK, but could their doorknobs possibly be much different than our doorknobs?  I'm honestly not so interested that he sticks doorknobs up his ass to get off, I'm much more interested in the how he sticks a doorknob up his ass.  I'm looking at my doorknob right now, and it has just as good of a chance to get up my ass as a television would, because neither of them are close enough to fitting up there.  Sticking things up my ass has never raised my level of curiosity, but how people manage to stick much larger things inside small holes absolutely baffles me.  Of course, I sometimes struggle to move couches through doorways, so I guess messing with my butthole is something I just wasn't destined to do.

Confession
I had bronchitis a few months ago and I was so sick I tried to fight it off on my own by taking boatloads of medicine. Well I think I drank so much cough syrup it fucked up my anus cause Ive been bleeding from my ass ever since….I should see a doctor.
Solution:  Stick a doorknob up your ass. You're welcome.

And as bad as these are, trust me, I avoided the gross ones.

-Joe

P.S.  This is a little old, but if you haven't seen Josh Groban sing Kanye West's tweets, you should definitely check it out.

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