Monday, February 28, 2011

Disney Chicks Are Pretty Hot

Before I begin this piece, I want to remind everyone to not judge me, because I know that I am not the only one guilty of this.  Also, let's get one thing straight, if you're pounding off to Disney shows, you're still a pervert.  I do not fall into that category, but I am a man who can appreciate beauty.  With that being said, let's dive into this topic.

Sometimes I get bored, and like most people, I will start flipping through the channels.  Lots of times I can’t find anything on, so eventually I come across The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.  Let’s go through my thoughts when this show comes on.

  1. I’m not going to watch a Disney show; I’m an adult.
  2. I see one of the girls on the show and think to myself that she’s kinda cute.
  3. I think more about it, and I start to realize that the girls on this show are not just cute, they’re actually kind of hot.
  4. Then I have one of two thoughts. 
    1. God, I wonder when she turns 18.
    2. God, I hope this chick is 18.
  5. I make the logical next step and go to IMDB to check it out.
  6. I say hell yes and give a fist pump as I learn that all the chicks are legal.
  7. I keep watching, and enjoy not just the ladies, but also the show’s puntastic ways.
Disney is brilliant in its casting.  Seriously, look at these chicks. 
Hot Blonde - 25 years old
Hot Asian - 22 years old

And this was not something new with the Suite Life, these are the same people that found Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and even Hilary Duff if you like them a little thick.  Let's be real here, on the celebrity scale, these girls are in the 5-6 range, but for normal people, they're like a 9, and I've been known to settle for a 9 every now and then.  

But what Disney does correctly when picking their actresses makes it all the more depressing with what another network does with their own casting.  I mean, look at the cast of Skins.
They are all ugly as sin, and I'm not just saying that so I don't look like a sexual predator since I heard many of them are minors (I refuse to research ugly people).  They are genuinely ugly people.  Even when they're adults, they're gonna be ugly.  None of them will play the hot chick in any movie.  How is it that Disney hires hot adult actresses for their kids show, yet MTV tries to appeal to the same people that watch Jersey Shore and hire kids that are heinous looking?  It doesn't make sense.

MTV, shame on you, I love high school drama, but your poor casting means nobody is going to watch your shitty show.  Why can't you just cast 30 year olds like the good ol' days?
There's no question that those are adults.
As angry as I am with MTV, mad props to you, Disney.

-Joe

P.S.  This story makes me so happy.  If you're reading this, and know who is responsible, thank him for me.  He is now one of my heroes.

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