Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Dumbest Customers I Helped In 14 Hours - Part Three

As I stated before, in just 14 hours of work, I ran into enough morons to make a three part series of the dumbest people I ran into during my time of employment.  Today is the final installment of those idiots, and these people blow the first two groups out of the water when it comes to stupidity.  The scary thing about the stupidity of these people is they actually researched things before making a really bad decision.  These are the kinds of people that make me worry about the future of society.

So about a half dozen jabronis, age 18-20 come strolling into the store, and the leader of these morons asks where we keep the liver pills.  Since I was new to the supplement game, I had no idea why kids this young would need liver pills, unless they were the most hardcore alcoholics of all time (that would have been awesome).  The guy I was working with did know why they were asking for liver pills, it's because they planned on using prohormones. 

What are prohormones you ask?  Prohormones are bad news.  The simplest way to sum them up is to say that they are like steroids, except they have half the benefits and twice the side effects.  Let's face it, most young adults aren't looking to get big and strong so they can fulfill their lifelong dream of working for a moving company, they're trying to get big to impress girls.  With that in mind, let's break down some of the side effects of taking prohormones:

1.  Baldness - Losing your hair in your 20s is not the best way to impress women. This would be enough for me to not use this product, but since people who are willing to use prohormones are morons, they'll reason that they can just shave their head.

2.  Acne - This hurts morons a little bit more, because they really want to take their shirts off at any opportunity (nothing wrong with that), but acne will kind of ruin their angle.  Still, it's acne, so their plan will probably be to double up on their Proactiv or start wearing makeup (I have this weird feeling that dudes wearing makeup is done more often than I would think; that worries me).

3.  Tits - How could tits be a side effect?  Tits are awesome.  I totally agree with you there, but with the increase in testosterone that prohormones create, your body will start to produce more estrogen, and you will grow breasts, not pecs, breasts.  Again morons can reason that they'll be so jacked that the breasts will just look like very developed pectorals, either that, or they'll be able jerk off looking at their own tits.

4.  Loss of libido - But that's the problem with their last plan.  It's extremely difficult to jerk off when you can't get boned up.  When you use products to boost your testosterone while you're in a stage where your body is producing plenty of testosterone on its own, your body will stop producing testosterone since it will naturally want to regulate the testosterone levels.  If your body gets used to not producing natural testosterone, you aren't going to feel anything downstairs when you lay with a woman.  So have fun picking up chicks, but I feel like achieving your goal will be hard (Get it?  Because their dick can't get hard.  I'm a master punsman).

After going through all of these side effects, one of them seriously responded with, "So you don't think we should get the liver pills."  For fuck's sake man, we aren't saying to not get liver pills, we're saying to not get prohormones.  They ended up buying the liver pills while saying that they weren't sure if they were going to use prohormones, but it's good to have a healthy liver either way.  Fucking morons.

So feel free to take prohormones, they'll probably turn you into a ripped machine.  A ripped machine that's bald, with horrible acne, bitch tits, and a soft dick, but a ripped machine nonetheless.  And hey, if there's a bunch of guys with rock hard bodies in every place but the one that matters, that makes picking up chicks all the easier for me. 


P.S.  There are also mood swings and infertility.  I felt the former wasn't worth mentioning, and I felt the latter didn't matter as much if they couldn't get boned up in the first place.

P.P.S.  I'm somebody who just wears shorts when I go to the gym, because I like my legs to feel free.  This causes mild discomfort as I walk to and from my car but is usually not a big deal.  That is, unless my car won't start when leaving the gym.  Then the walk home becomes a very miserable experience.  I will now keep a spare pair of pants in my trunk.


  1. a lot of prohormones aren't safer then steroids some are just as harmful. But the best prohormones on the market are safe just try to never take more then one prohormones at a time and make sure you the proper safety precautions like blood test and on and post cycle support.

  2. The above person is definitely a moron. Of course, most of us would have known that just by looking at the name toybeast.