Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Things Girls Want Boys To Do

I love to get life advice from Twitter. I feel it is far more valuable than friends and family. They have the tendency to tell you what you want to hear, but Twitter tells you want you need to hear. Also, you get the benefit of group-think, so it's really like getting daily advice from the people surveyed on Family Feud. I guarantee that if their was a tag of #ThingsYouPolish, 90% of the people would respond knobs. Twitter may not be high-brow, but it is helpful. And today, I would like to share what Twitter has taught me when it comes to Things Girls Want Boys To Do.

Emileeeeeee
Not accidentally kill them in their sleep
Emilee seems to have the lowest standards of any girl alive. From now on, anytime I get in trouble with a lady, I'm going to remind them how lucky they are that I did not accidentally kill them in their sleep. I think they will then realize how lucky they are to have me around, while they sleep peacefully instead of being murdered. She'll probably even reward me with butt stuff.

Abbie Cheeseman
not dump us for no reason.
Oh, sweet, innocent, Abbie. Trust me, there's always a reason. And if a guy told you the reason, you probably would have preferred that he didn't. It's not him, it's definitely, one-hundred percent, you.

KETRELL
Fact. This is why so many ladies have their sex tapes on the internet for the world to see.
SeanRico johnson
leave em soakin wet from da ankles up
I think Rico is a tad confused, so let me set the record straight. When soaking, she is actually the soaker, and the man is the soakee. Nobody, and I repeat, NOBODY, should be soaked from da ankles up. If anyone is soaked from da ankles up, something went horribly wrong.

But the real star of the Twitter advice was Demond (). He was dropping advice as quick as his fingers could type. Thank you Demond, as I learned a ton from the your wisdom.

Demond
be patient with her when her emotions starts to get the best of her...
So you're saying be patient all the time?
Demond
be superman, Bill Gates, Mandingo, Chris Brown, and Casanova
I have no idea who Mandingo is. Most of the time I would look it up, but I have a feeling if I do a search on Mandingo, Google may show me images that my mind won't be able to unsee, and that just doesn't seem worth it. Superman is fictional, so I'll assume that is what the relationship should be. After that, I believe that ladies want the looks of Bill Gates, the assault tendencies of Chris Brown, and the alcoholism of Casanova. Got it.

Demond
be everything the last guy wasnt
What if she just got out of a relationship with Mandingo?
Demond
be man enough to be a man
Are we back to being like Chris Brown and beating women, because if so, I get it. Show your lady how manly you are by kissing her face with your fists. Beating your lady shows her how much you care about her. Pretty simple stuff.


Demond
make her feel you do not just want her for sex.
So less sex and more butt stuff? Demond, we are totally on the same page.

-Joe

P.S. I have no idea of Casanova was an alcoholic (I really don't know anything about Casanova), but it seemed likely that he drank. Let's face it, you probably nodded your head in agreement. Research is for suckers.

P.P.S. These are two other things girls want boys to do, but unfortunately you have to be Taj Gibson to pull it off.

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