Friday, June 10, 2011

Plus-Size Brothel Ideas

This is the second piece in my series of allowing one topic from anyone who likes this site on Facebook. The first post was a resounding success, but it appears that the streak of great posts inspired by The Hotties will end at one as this is a real shit sandwich of an idea. Alex suggests this topic:

"if i were to create a plus-size brothel, what would be a more apt name? the purple wildebeest or helga's heavy whorehouse?"

At first, I thought I was just going to pick one of those two options and call it a day. At least then, I'd know that this was my worst post ever, and could produce any sort of shit and still be happy that it was better than this. But I expect more, you expect more, and Hott Joe's ho's that he keeps on the down low expect (and get) more. So let's dive into this topic.
As for your question, it can be most simply answered by going with Helga's Heavy Whorehouse. It's an alliteration, and Purple Wildebeest is the name of a band that is twice as popular as this site on Facebook (by the way, tell your friends to like this site on Facebook so I can be more popular than Purple Wildebeest). But honestly, both answers are wrong. HHW makes it sound like the house that they're in weighs a lot, like maybe it was made with steel support beams instead of good ol' fashioned American lumber.

But it is not beneficial to just destroy someone else's ideas without coming up with something more awesome to replace those shitty ideas. Hence, I have some suggestions that will be separated into three tiers.


Tier 1 - The First Names That Popped Into My Head
Sensual Sandy's Sex Emporium - I like this one, because the words sex and emporium go extremely well together. Like the words butt and stuff, it's a match made in heaven.

Big Bertha's Brothel - You ever seen a skinny Bertha? Me neither, so you know the broads at this brothel will bring the thunder.


Tier 2 - If I Were Starting a Plus-Size Brothel...
Hott Joe's Jiggly Jezebels - This would probably work for a place, but I can't have the brand of Hott Joe associated with fatties. I have an image to uphold, so this one is eliminated from contention.

Jose's Husky Hotties - Going by my Spanish name of Jose, I feel I have a name that more exemplifies that world of plus-size brothels. Wait, is that racist? That might be racist. If that's racist, ignore that. If it's not racist, it's an incredible alliteration. Bravo me. Plus, calling them hotties instead of the simpler name of whores heightens the clientele that I feel this establishment could bring in.

Tier 3 - The Best
Fatty Patty's Tatties - Early on, I got stuck in a world of alliteration. But once I got off that kick, my ideas really took off. This one just rolls off the tongue, which I love. There is one problem though. It's a great name for a plus-size strip club, but it doesn't quite get the message across that these ladies are there for the banging. Hence, it can only take second place to the winner...

The Blubber Hole - So simple, yet so perfect. If you're from out of town and someone suggests going to The Blubber Hole, you know exactly what kind of establishment you are going to. Just don't get lost once you get inside, because it's a lot easier to find your way in than it is to find your way out.

-Hott Joe

P.S. For those of you who don't like the larger ladies, and are unable to get the smaller ladies. Get yourself an inflatable lady, and then you will not only have a life partner, but you can also enter this race.

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