Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Ultimate Warrior Gives Hulk Hogan A Verbal Beatdown - Part Three

And now it is time for the exciting conclusion of Warrior's verbal beatdown of Hulk Hogan where karma finally comes to collect.

I will admit that Part Seven is an absolute rollercoaster ride. It seems simple enough, but when you find the answers, The Warrior changes the questions (Credit to Roddy Piper on that one). All I can tell you is to read carefully and hopefully your mind is not turned into melted cheese.

Warrior sued Vince McMahon for the DVD that was made about him. This was probably a good idea, because it seems like most casual wrestling fans have had the chance to see this video.
Warrior also brought up the time that he held up McMahon for money before he would go out for a match. He does not dispute this part. But he thinks it makes Hogan look bad, because him and Sgt. Slaughter were going to take Warrior to the broom closet to straighten him out.

Hulk would not admit he was at his own house while commenting on the Warrior DVD. I have no idea how this has any relevance.
In one of Hogan's books, Hulk apparently put a gun in his mouth and contemplated suicide. Warrior says Hulk doesn't have the courage to put a gun in his mouth. Somehow, people who commit suicide are cowards, yet people who like Hulk who don't have the guts for suicide, are also cowards. My mind is blown.

Warrior finishes by saying he is unimpressed with Hulk's life, and is happy he didn't kill Hulkamania with the bullet that Hulk gave him. Um, hum. I guess that kind of makes these videos pointless. I wish he would have put this tidbit in Part One.

PART EIGHT:
Part eight is the Warrior's way of wrapping things up.
"I wanted somebody to stand the fuck up and set the record straight and let the world know what he (Hulk Hogan) truly did to the business...I would have been inspired by that."

But nobody did.

Luckily The Warrior is speaking up. If you are not inspired by the following, then I feel sorry for you, because it is clear that you are a lost cause, much like Hulk Hogan.

Warrior is shining up his bullet and making a call to The Warriors.
He wants people who want to reach their best potential, not their worst.
He wants people to enlist. Help him load the bullet into the chamber.
Warrior will shoulder the weapon and pull the trigger. That's right, this time he'll pull the trigger.
This is how Karma is coming to collect.

I know exactly why there is a bonus part to these videos. The people who were editing them cut everything down, and Warrior asked where the Melted Cheese Mind part was. They responded that the Melted Cheese Mind part was way too stupid to include in the video. Ultimate Warrior then told them that he would like it to have its own video so The Warriors can decide whether it was too stupid to be exposed to the world. I cannot thank The Warrior enough for his decision.

There is a book series called the Wimpy Kids books. In it, there is a piece of melted cheese that is on the blacktop. Nobody touches that disgusting melted cheese. That melted cheese is Hulk Hogan's mind. He follows up that talk with this beautiful quote:

"Are those books above your reading level Terry?...They might be."

BURN.

But why does nobody touch the melted cheese? If you touch that piece of cheese, you're infected with cooties the rest of your life. That's right folks, Ultimate Warrior believes in cooties. Finally, The Warrior sums up his analogy with this:

“It's brilliant, and it fits.”

Much like all 57 minutes of your video. Thank you, Ultimate Warrior.

-Joe

P.S. Here's a video with Weird Al and Macho Man, how could anybody not watch it?

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