Thursday, October 27, 2011

Great Moments in Professional Wrestling History: "The Bet"

Chris Jericho, Christian, Trish Stratus, and Lita were involved in one of the greatest storylines in WWE history. Although, it comes nowhere near the depravity of The Katie Vick saga, in my opinion, it was just as hilarious. Our story will focus on Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus, but given the proper time, even Christian and Lita could be classified as one of the greatest love stories in history.

If there's one thing everybody knows about women, it's that they LOVE to be treated like shit. Some would say that the romance between Jericho and Stratus didn't start until months after this video, but I really feel that this is the first step in Jericho's seduction of Trish Stratus.

I mean, what girl wouldn't love being barked at? And it is always smooth to imply that the girl is a slut, and that she wants to enter your bone zone, or as Jericho puts it, that she "wants an injection of Vitamin C." Although her mouth says that he's delusional, her eyes tell a far different story. I mean, I know that every time that I have barked at an attractive young lass, she has had to walk away while screaming what she wants to do to me ("Fuck you"). Clearly, the sexual tension became too much for her. This is why I have mad respect for Jericho's game.

Months later, despite Jericho and Christian being seen as "bad guys," they began coming to the aid of Trish and Lita. Lita was not receptive to Christian's advances, but Trish did seem to warm up to Jericho as they became "good friends." It was time for Christian to step in.

Christian goes to Trish and implies violence towards her, because he wants her to stay away from his friend. Now the AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) out there would think that he is killing Jericho's game, but the pickup artists out there can see that Christian is actually just being an excellent wingman. Not only is Jericho now a forbidden fruit for Trish, but the implication of violence will only heighten the sexual tension between the two. Good looking out, Christian. And on that note, let me reiterate how great of a wingman Christian is during this whole affair. This is the girl that Jericho is pursuing...
And this is what Christian is going after...
JESUS CHRIST. Talk about taking one for the team. I want to party with Christian, because it is clear that if we see a hot girl with an ugly girl, he'll take anything. Christian, I salute you, and will forever consider myself one of your Peeps.

Now back to the love story.

Eventually, with the help of Ultimate Wingman, Christian, Trish fell in love with Jericho. Those two love birds were making out for three straight weeks, as she loved everything that Jericho was telling her. In fact, she fell so in love with Y2J that she even had a custom-made Jericho hockey jersey for him. But, I wouldn't have wasted all this time to tell you about any old love story. No love story is simple, and there was more to this one than what met the eye.Sure, Trish is a cute girl, but come on, there had to be more as to why he spent this much time seducing her, and this video shows us exactly what was on the line.

Yes, Christian and Jericho had a "She's All That" like bet where they wagered one dollar...Canadian on who could sleep with their girl first. I will never get tired of this video, as it is nonstop hilarity. Here is a list of everything great about this video:
1. Christian's explanation of the moment that he had with Lita, followed quickly by him saying, "She's digging this."
2. Jericho, an adult male, bragging about making out with Trish for three weeks while not closing the deal. If I'm going to brag to my buddies about something, it will not be making out with a girl for three weeks while she continually turns me down for sex.
3. Jericho: She's been falling for everything I've been saying, it's been absolutely pathetic. Pathetic!
4. Christian retorting, "I know you're into that huggy, kissing, cuddling stuff."
5. Christian following it up with probably my favorite lines of, "Trish is a prude. She's a prude. She's locked at the knees. Lita...Lita's extreme. She's extreme!" This has actually inspired me to start referring to girls as extreme, as I think it's a hilarious way to secretly imply that a girl is a whore.
6. Jericho's impression of Trish, "I've never felt this way before," and him quickly following it up with, "She's gonna be feeling something she's never felt before tonight."
7. Revealing that this whole thing was for a bet.
8. Revealing that they wagered one dollar...Canadian for the bet.
9. Jericho referring to the Paris Hilton sex tape.
10. Jericho then claiming that his sex that night would be a "Highlight Reel," which is another thing I plan on stealing from this video.
11. Trish Stratus...ACTING! How did she not get an Emmy for this performance? Her tears feel so real.

So the romance ended, but there was still one great moment left in this saga, and that is a tag team match with Lita and Trish squaring off against Jericho and Christian. Usually, I would find these matches pretty boring, and part one only has a few good moments, but here's Part Two, where Christian, well, just watch:

CLOTHESLINE! He straight folded her up. Great job, Christian.

And so ends one of the great angles in professional wrestling history, "The Bet." It had everything that you could possibly want, seduction, love, betrayal, and most importantly, clotheslines! I'm so inspired that I'm done with all that huggy, kissing, cuddling stuff, and it's time I find me a girl who's EXTREME.

-Joe

P.S. Are Rex Ryan and Kenny Powers the same person? Maybe.

P.P.S. In that picture, I immediately identified the player as Aeneas Williams. I'm not sure if I should be bragging or really disappointed that I knew that so easily.

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