Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Job Search - Part Six

Do you ever find yourself flipping through channels and thinking, "Wow, I can't believe they made a show out of that." I do that a lot. I don't really give a shit about pawn shops, or truckers in cold climates, or singers of any sort, but they make these shows, and a lot of them are successful. And despite me not having any interest in these professions, I will say it is far more entertaining than following around an unemployed person. A lot of my days are boring as shit. It's a lot of searching, clicking, and filling out applications. I did more of that this past week, so let's take a look at my progress.

Jobs Applied For:
Pittsburgh Penguins – Coordinator of Corporate Sales & Service
John Deere – Product Marketing Analyst
Meta Communications – Marketing Director
Palen Financial LLC – Office Manager
USA Football – Marketing Coordinator
Boston Cannons – Account Executive

Miami Heat – Season Ticket Services Account Executive
Milwaukee Bucks – Suite Sales Manager
Norandex – Customer Service Representative
InfoSec Institute – Student Services Office Manager
Cleveland Browns – Club Level Sales Account Executive
Houston Rockets – Suite Sales Executive
Minnesota Timberwolves – Corporate Sales Executive
Chivas USA – Group Sales Account Executive
Rutgers University – Manager of Fan Relationship
USA Triathlon – Youth Event & Programming Manager

Buehler – Service Coordinator
Home Warranty of America – Customer Service Team Lead
Miami Heat – Coordinator of Season Ticket Services and Retention
United Health – Claims Resolution Specialist
New York Mets – Season Ticket Sales Account Executive
Phoenix Suns – Partnership Activation Specialist
Sacramento Kings – Advertising and Promotions Coordinator

Pac-12 Enterprises – Sales Manager
Medicus Healthcare Solutions – Credentialing Coordinator

Cleveland Cavaliers – Account Executive
Charlotte Bobcats – Coordinator of Partnership Marketing
John Deere Financial – Web Communications Coordinator
Florida Panthers – Premium Services Coordinator
National Hot Rod Association – Ticket Sales Consultant
New England Revolution – Customer Service Representative

Best Job: Meta Communications - Marketing Director
Yeah, so I just went to a www.random.org, to get a random number, and it came up with that job, because nearly all of those jobs are the exact same, so it was impossible for me to differentiate from them. Congratulations to the fine folks at Meta Communications.

Most Hilarious Job: National Hot Rod Association - Ticket Sales Consultant
Who doesn't love "The Hot Rod," "Rowdy" Roddy Piper? It doesn't matter what The Hot Rod is doing, because selling tickets for it will be like the easiest thing on the planet. Plus, I'm guessing that Piper and I will have to hang out occasionally. I imagine that we will become best friends pretty quickly until one day he reveals that he actually has another best friend. I'll be distraught about this, but then he'll reveal that his other best friend is Jose Canseco, and then we'll all be best friends and probably be the most powerful "Big 3" since the original nWo. (And I refuse to believe that the National Hot Rod Association is for anything but "Rowdy" Roddy Piper)

Best Story: Explaining My Time Off
So I have only had a couple part time jobs recently, and that definitely scares employers. For good reason, they wonder what the hell I did with my life. I tell them that I wrote a screenplay, and that very rarely gets much reaction at all. Then I tell them that I trained in mixed martial arts, which brings a scared silence to the conversation. I have learned to quickly follow this up with, "But as anybody who knows me will tell you, I could never be a fighter, because I'm not nearly tough enough." 90% of the time this gets a laugh out of whoever is interviewing me. When it doesn't, I know I'm fucked, but if it does, I know that I at least have a shot.

This past week, things couldn't have gone better when I went through my normal spiel. I interviewed with a man and a woman, and the woman's husband trained MMA, while the other guy was a wrestler who already has his kids in martial arts. These two could not have loved me any more, as we got completely off topic and they had smiles on their faces the entire time. I left that interview knowing that I nailed it.

The next business day they told me they hired an internal candidate.

Back to the drawing board.


P.S. The only way I would ever go to a therapist is if that therapist was Chael Sonnen.

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