Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Exercise Sucks

I am ready to shatter a myth. This myth is that working out should be enjoyable. It shouldn't. It should be painful. It should make you miserable. You should not be excited for it...ever. Working out is the worst. I dread it every morning when I wake up and realize that I have to go to the gym or go for a run.

Now, I will admit that goals would probably help, but I'm not a big fan of goals. That takes a lot of time thinking about a ceiling of my abilities, and not only do I hate thinking, I also refuse to believe there is a limit to my potential. But mostly, it's that thinking sucks. Because of this, I have nothing I am hoping to achieve, nothing that is a driving force behind all of this.

I lift weights. At first the little ones were real heavy, but then they became light. So I started lifting the bigger weights, and then they got light too. It's an endless process. I lift really heavy weights, and they're really heavy, and that is not very much fun. When I wake up in the morning, I realize that what I am about to do to my body is not going to be fun, but I still do it. It sucks.

I also run. I never time myself, and I never set a distance when I go on runs. I have no idea how long my runs take me, but I can estimate my distance pretty well, because I have done enough running where I have a good idea of how far I go. I also dread running far more than I dread lifting. Running sucks, and in the winter, it's really cold, so I am putting my body in pain while surrounded by uncomfortable conditions. Another thing about running is that it is the most frustrating exercise ever. I run until I am pretty damn worn out, and then when I'm all worn out, I have to figure out a way to get back home. But then when I get home, I feel great for about thirty seconds, but then I feel my body recover, and it's horribly depressing because I realize that I probably could have pushed myself further. It really sucks.

People who think that working out should be fun do not deserve to be in shape. Getting in shape is not fun; being in shape is fun. It’s fun to do things for long periods of time and not get tired (nudge nudge to the ladies), or see something large and have the ability to lift it up, and most importantly, being able to pop your shirt off and inspire sexual gasps as opposed to disgusted gags. Also, you’ll live longer.

But don’t go into this thinking that it should be an enjoyable experience. There are people who enjoy lifting, enjoy running, and enjoy training, but they are the minority. I, like most dedicated people, hate working out. I guess you could say that the only thing I hate more than working out is not working out. Ending a day and realizing I could have done more does not sit well with me, and that is why when the alarm hits 5:15, I don’t roll over and hit snooze. I pop up and get ready for my day. I know it’s gonna suck, but the best part of working out is finishing a work out.

Oh yeah, and the bitches too.

-Joe

P.S. This is quite old, but I just discovered it, and I thought it was awesome. It's a mock article about Keith Law scouting little leaguers.

P.P.S. This article was originally titled Working Out Sucks, but then I saw that there was a book with the same name published last week. Thank God for the word exercise.

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