Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Breakdown of MVP's "Holla To The World"

So I heard MVP's "Holla To The World" a few months ago, and I thought I should share it with the world. One thing led to another, and it took me a while to get around to it. It's a good thing I waited, because I was thinking about making fun of it, but the more I listened to it, the more I enjoyed it. Also, I was listening to an episode of the Art of Wrestling Podcast with Colt Cabana and found out that MVP was a straight thug who was so gangster that he did an armed robbery on a cruise ship. He got sentenced to 19 years in prison when he was 16 years old. MVP is not a man to be fucked with. So MVP, excuse me, Mr. MVP, nothing but respect for you.

Although I usually like to do comprehensive breakdowns of songs, but I can't find the lyrics for MVP's Holla 2 The World, so I would just like to point out and analyze a few of the choicest lines from what should be a hit single. Since I am a white guy from Iowa, I have enough trouble understanding rap lyrics (they talk too fast for my Midwestern mind), so this was quite an undertaking. Still, this song made it well worth it.

Another day, another dolla as I holla to the world.
I love the way I'm livin. Love the Gucci, love the girls.
The parties and the clubs, and the models and hot tubs.
And the German engineering set on deep dish dubs.

Pretty normal stuff here. Hollerin, dollarin, Gucci, girls, clubs, hot tubs, and honestly, I'm not positive of the last line, because I know very little about cars, and even less about the lifestyle of rappers. But deep dish dubs sounds like something I could sell a rapper.

Wake up in my bed, and I'm feelin kinda stuck
From this Tempurpedic mattress, I don't want to get up.

I absolutely love that he has product placement for the Tempurpedic mattress. That is the whitest mattress of all time. Seriously, check out this commercial:

Okay, so there were a few black people, but seriously, I didn't get a good enough look; they may have just been Ted Danson wearing blackface.
Enough racism, let's get back to the lyrics:

Roll out of bed, plant my feet on the floor,
There's a girl wrapped in my sheets, don't know her name anymore.

Now these are problems I can relate to. But what is the best way to deal with this situation? I mean, you can't just let the girl know that even after being inside of her, you can't even remember her name.

Hey pretty girl, I hate to wake you from your slumber
But it's time to go, so leave your name and number.

I stand corrected. Just make her feel like she has no choice but to write it down. That's a smooth operator right there.

I walk her to her car, and click my gate open
She says (please call), and in her eyes, I see she's hopin
That she'll get back to the palace that I live in
I'm sure she will; I dig the sex that she was givin.

If MVP does not dig the sex that you are givin, you are buried out at sea. Just a warning, ladies. Give up that diggable sex if you want to survive. Don't half ass it.

(No, I'm gonna call you for real...I promise).

I laugh every time I hear this. The unnamed girl may have given up diggable sex, but playas like us (no er necessary for guys like me and MVP) can get diggable sex on the reg from a bounty of ladies looking to satisfy our every need. We make promises just to break promises.

I ain't gotta lie about the places that I've been
Check the facts, Florida State DOC, gave 'em ten.

He got out early for good behavior.

Go to Times Square, make way, let me through
Whoopi and Sherry want to hang out on The View
Barbara's asking questions bout Sherry, but I'm ducking her
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is dreaming about me shhhhh.

MVP knows to leave them wanting more, and that is why he put this so late in the song. Rappers like to keep it gangsta, and MVP is no different, so what does he rap about? A show with nothing but middle aged to grandma aged women gabbing about...whatever it is they gab about on The View. Obviously, Sherry is very interested in MVP, because she's bla...desperate for a dude (Phew, that was a close one). And I know a lot of my white friends think that Elizabeth Hasselbeck is dreaming about MVP being quiet, but she's actually dreaming about givin' up that diggable sex.

It's just another thing that MVP and I have in common, white chicks love us.