Tuesday, March 20, 2012

My First Hate Mail

It finally happened. After over two years of writing this blog, I finally can say that I am no longer a blogger; I am a legitimate writer. I finally received my first hate mail from an adoring fan (or angry psychopath, depending on how you look at it). I have received hateful comments before, but there's something really great about opening up your email and seeing that there is somebody in this world who really hates you. It means they care, and that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Before I get into the hate mail, feel free to send hateful thoughts, loveful thoughts, or just plain thoughts to me on Twitter @HottJoe or preferably through email at papalishus@hotmail.com (God bless having an email address that I created in high school).

Now, onto the hate, as this person filtered through my constant Jose Canseco updates to find an old piece that I wrote about Hunter S. Thompson. If you want to, you can read that piece here, but all you really need to know is that I am not a fan of HST. His thoughts are in bold and italics, with my thoughts in normal font.


Joe,

I prefer Hott Joe.

You just don't get it.... No I do not consider myself in any way to be one of those hipster assholes that you elude to so amiably on your blog, but I would relish the opportunity to tell you that you are dead wrong directly to your face.  

Oooh, sounds like he's challenging me to a good old fashioned donnybrook.

Your blog post regarding Hunter S.Thompson is so plainly inept that I simply need to write you this email.  I may be wasting my time and words, but I feel as if I have to inform you that you are a disillusioned asshole.  

I feel like no guy would ever use the term "disillusioned asshole", but that could be just that I have only been  told this by girls in the past.

While I will admit that I have not read any of Thompson's novels 

So, even though my post focuses on what a shitty writer he is, this man has NEVER READ ANYTHING WRITTEN BY HIM. Despite this, he still manages to call me an asshole and challenge me to a fight in the first paragraph, that's impressive stupidity.

I take exception with your characterization of the man and your characterization of those who enjoy his work.  
"If you like Hunter S. Thompson, hey, that's your decision, you should just know that you're a moron who likes shitty writing."  

Goddamn, that's a good sentence.

This sentence of pure idiocracy illustrates, in itself, the disgusting type of person you are.  

I'm pretty sure you mean "idiocy" but good try.

To say that someone with a different opinion than yourself must be a moron is utterly ridiculous. 

Ridiculously awesome. Hating people for thinking differently is how this country was built, not to mention every religion ever.

People are entitled to their opinions Joe.  

Again, Hott Joe. Don't forget the second "t" either.

Not everyone is going to agree with you.  I hate to inform you of this, but in the case of Hunter S. Thompson, the majority of people who are familiar with his writings disagree with you.  While you may believe that they are all morons and that you are some sort of superior intellectual being, maybe you just have different interests than those who enjoy Thompson's works.  How about that thought?  

Zzzzzzzzzzzz, oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something important? I'm going to guess not.

Or maybe you are just a closed-minded ass clown who believes that others will actually take interest in the "uncensored writing" you claim to be  blogging.

Props on the use of ass clown; it is by far the best writing in this email.


Hunter did not say he was an outlaw in the sense that he viewed himself as a bad ass.  This is a simple concept that essentially defined who he was.  

Defined who he was? He did a lot of drugs, but backed down when he got himself in a tough situation. That isn't a badass. That's a poser. Someone who shoots guns but runs away from a fight is a coward, and that's what HST did. Maybe if you had read anything by him, you would have some understanding of that.

Anyone with a coherent mind could absorb this through the reading of his biography.  Hunter was an outlaw in that he did not live his life based upon the system that has a stranglehold over people in this country.  He was able to distance himself from the rat race and carve out a life that was actually worth living.  Hunter lived exactly how he wanted, refusing to allow his path to be dictated by outside influences.  

Unless he was confronted by any sort of conflict, in which case he tucked his tail between his legs and ran for cover.

Hunter S. Thompson did not fall prey to circumstance like most.  This is why he considered himself an outlaw.
Respond to this email if you would like.  What would be even better is if you came and told me your opinion to my face. Or are you just a pussy like you claim hipsters to be?  

This guy must be a black belt in the martial art of keyboard warrior. Does anybody know of a person who seriously challenges people to fights on the internet? I don't, so I'm just really curious about this underground world.

Honestly, I would like to thank you, 

You're welcome.

as this email has allowed me to blow off a ton of steam on the type of ignorant societal clone that I am coming to detest with great passion.  Have a good day.

Honestly, this email made my day, so that will not be a problem.

Sincerely,
Sick Of Assholes Like You

Wow, that's just...wow. That's perfect. I thought ass clowns would be my favorite part of the email, but he saved the best for last.

Anyway, that's all for my first hate mail. Again, feel free to send me questions, comments, or just good ol' fashioned hate @HottJoe on Twitter, at Uncensored Writing on Facebook, or at uncensoredwriting@gmail.com. Thank you, "Sick of Assholes Like You." They say you always remember your first, and sir, I will never forget you.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for this. I see that you wrote it 5 years ago, but I, a new blogger, just got my first piece of hate mail and was so bummed out by it, I actually googled "blogger hate mail" in hopes that I'd find some solace. This made me laugh, so thanks.

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    1. Haha, it's been so long that I forgot all about this, so it was not only fun to read again, but I'm also glad I could help. If you've got haters, you must be doing something right.

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