Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Let's Break Down Thamys's "Party @ Ur House"

Something that never ceases to amaze me is how much people love shitty pop culture. In music, we have that Friday song and Gangnam Style. In movies, it's sparkling vampires and Billy Crystal. And in television, it's Honey Boo Boo and Big Bang Theory (or anything on CBS, for that matter). I don't know how these things are popular. That is why I fully expect this video to blow up.

It's got awful singing, pathetic lyrics, and international flavor. Thamys is taking over, so this breakdown should help you prepare for when she does.

:01 - Just Thamys sitting on her bed, 'bout to make a hit single, no biggie.

:09 - What's this, a text message? Her friend is inviting her to a party at her house. Holla!

:15 - Going to a party, so you know she's got to put on her freshest lipstick and dopest fingerless gloves. Otherwise everyone would make fun of her.

:21 -
Thamys has gotten it going on. Her bracelet is doing a great job of complimenting her jacket and gloves. The fingernail polish is on point. Her hair is rockin. She's even got some purple/pink/red (I'm not good with colors) highlights in her hair, so all the boys will be like, "Ooh, girl, you be lookin' phat as all get out."

:33 - Rock like never before, rock like never before, rock like never before...

:45 -
I just wanted to point out that they get in this car, but nobody gets in the front seat to drive. Thamys has a ghost driver, and combining that with what she's wearing on her lower body, she's probably partied harder than any of us can even imagine.

:46 - "Live hard, party hard, party like a rock star." You used party twice. You have access to a ghost driver, I am sure you have access to a thesaurus. You also rhymed rock star with super star, which is also just lazy on your part. Come on, Thamys, you're better than this, and you prove that later on in this video.

1:17 - Now onto my second favorite part of the video. Look at how bummed out these dudes are.

Wow, those dudes are bummed out. These fellas aren't partying like rock stars. Dudes, I got great news, Thamys is here. Now look how excited they are.

Yep, all is right in the world.

1:33 - My favorite part was something I didn't even notice until my second viewing. Where did this guy come from?
I did not notice him the first time around. Why is he sitting down while everybody else is standing?
Oh. That's a wheelchair. Hum, I did not see that coming, but I'm happy he's at the party. By the way, is he just in the middle of the dance party with everyone around him the whole time?
Oh, God damnit. Why did they just put him in the corner while she tries to romance this dude? That is a real dick move. One day, he will rise up again and he will party harder than all of you combined. He will not party like a rock star, he will party like a rock god.
OH YEAH! It's still party time for this broski. Can't nobody hold him down. You keep rockin' young fella. But I know you can do better. Let me guess, your date hasn't arrived yet. I already know who this is. He didn't invite any of these normal high school girls, he went straight to his little black book, skimmed through until he got to the U's. Hey, who's got two wristbands and is about to bang Kate Upton?

2:20 - It's time to speak French, because, duh, why wouldn't you?

2:30 - For the last 45 seconds of this video, it's a lot of living hard. There's a lot of partying hard. Overall, they are partying like rock stars. So, who's down? Party @ ur house?

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