Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Never Write Anything Meaningful in a Yeabook

I recently busted out my old yearbooks, and it is just a treasure trove of great advice and awesomeness. I am so proud that the vast majority of the people that signed my yearbook were idiots like me and put stupid shit like, "Let's get drunk" or "Let's bang sluts." That is awesome to look back on and laugh at.

Unfortunately, there are a few that are serious comments, you know, from the ladies, that I had feelings for back in the day. Now don't get me wrong; they are incredibly nice, and it is nice to look back and know that people actually cared about me when I was a barely functioning, teenage-child. Now it doesn't bother me that these girls wrote nice things; it bothers me that I know that I wrote some sappy bullshit to them. 

I mean, if these girls wrote nice things to me, I must have wrote the sappiest shit on the planet, professing my love for them and telling them how special they were, both physically and emotionally. I think if I were to have to read any of it today, I would get physically ill of what a pathetic nerd I was. 

Now, to be fair, of course I did this. One of my few skills was writing, so I needed to take advantage of it when I had the chance. And I was in high school. If you had the slightest feelings for a girl, that girl became THE girl and all else paled in comparison. What didn't help is that I had enough hormones raging through my veins that I could have had sex with an attractive pillow (Note: any pillow). You add that to a pretty high school girl, and yeah, I probably felt like a lot of girls were the one for me. 

Now, to those girls, you were all pretty cool chicks and none of you turned out to be heroin addicts, so I at least had good taste. Also, thanks for not putting a restraining order on me, and please god, never show anyone what I wrote. 

But I just thought I would share this story so the future generation could learn from my mistakes. Never write anything meaningful in a yearbook. The best comments you can put are "Let's get drunk" or "Let's bang sluts." If you want to get real creative, you could write, "Let's get drunk AND bang sluts." Only an idiot would refer to girls as sluts, but shit man, you're in high school. High school should be dedicated to being an idiot. I certainly was, and I regret nothing. 

But now I'm an adult, so let's get drunk and bang sl...make love to intellectual ladies.

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