It's odd, because I used to not only judge women with reckless abandon, but I enjoyed the snap judgment of a woman's value based off nothing more than a glance. The Attitude Era of wrestling was great for me, because I got to see a lot of women with large breasts showing copious amounts of cleavage. I used to watch shitty TV shows just to see hot chicks. I mean, I watched Unhappily Ever After, a show with a talking bunny, just to check out Nikki Cox. And looking up that show, I realized I also watched the show, Pensacola: Wings of Gold to check out hot chicks too. I can guarantee that show sucked ass, but that just goes to show you what a little pervert I was back in the day.
But now, I simply can't judge women's looks. It's not for lack of trying, because I will stare down women, but I genuinely can't figure it out. I look at a woman, and I go through these thoughts, "Is she hot? Eh, probably not...but maybe," and that's where it almost always ends. I probably look like a damn creep, because I stare way harder, but it's all just curiosity, as I have no interest in bedding these women.
And I realize this is sexist behavior. Like, why does it matter how attractive a person is? It shouldn't at all, but I have spent my entire life objectifying women; it's not like I can just stop now. It's just now I can't come to a conclusion.
This is probably good as I can't give value to someone's looks if I am unable to judge them, but it's bad in that I continue to gawk at people like a creep. Luckily, I was never that impressive of a person to begin with, so it's not like it's going to make a significant difference in what people think about me. I just hope they are able to overcome what I cannot and judge me for my looks instead of my (lack of) character.