Thursday, November 9, 2017

WWE's Mount Rushmore of Boobs

Some people judge women by the content of their character, or for the more shallow crowd, the general attractiveness of their face, but WWE didn't mess around with those things. They let teenage me know that a woman's value wasn't about her brain size, it was about her bra size. Was this a good thing? No, it most certainly harmed me in innumerable ways and led me to objectifying women and being a total chauvinist for the next decade. I got better, but clearly, I'm not fully there as I am writing this article today.

But let's get to why we are all here, as it is time to run through the Mt. Rushmore of WWE's Boob Revolution, or Revoboobtion, if you will. Since I'm a feminist, I am not going to go with the best boobs for this Mount Rushmore, but instead, the boobs with the most impact on WWE history. #AllBoobsMatter

You could make the argument that Sunny is the most important woman in WWE history. She was really the first woman to be allowed to have a personality. In fact, she didn't just have a personality, she was a personality. The WWE had female wrestlers during the Rock n' Wrestling days, but they were still a sideshow. They had women like Miss Elizabeth, but even she was more of a valet than a manager, better seen rather than heard. Sunny changed all of that. She could be good; she could be bad, and most importantly, she actually had dimensions (and not just the physical ones). Sunny changed the game, and you've gotta respect that.

Sable's biggest importance was that she turned the big boobed model type into a woman who would also wrestle. Notice that I didn't say that she could wrestle, but she would wrestle. Sadly, Sable's wrestling was better than her dancing, but she pretty much took boobs to the next level as she found new and inventive ways to show off her breasts, including being the first WWE woman to appear in Playboy.

Possibly the most controversial pick, but also possibly the queen of WWE boobs. She started the Puppy Revolution and although she wasn't the face, she was definitely the chest of the Attitude Era. I could see an argument for Chyna in this spot, but nobody really followed in Chyna's footsteps. the closest thing to it was Nicole Bass. Debra was totally inconsequential outside of her "Puppies," and she's a great signifier for how far the WWE has come since the Attitude Era. Seriously, every woman showed as much cleavage as possible and were completely defined by their breasts. Debra was not a woman; she was a pair of tits with a woman attached to them.

Trish Stratus
Definitely the best of the four in the Mount Rushmore, as she was the only one to combine competent wrestling along with being super attractive. She was an actual athlete who may not be setting the world on fire during the Women's Revolution, but she did revolutionize how a woman could be seen in the WWE. She started off as a Debra like character, just a set of tits with blonde hair, but she evolved, showed personality, and eventually showed in-ring aptitude. Her feud with Lita wasn't just important for women; it was important for wrestling.

I have a dream, that one day, people will look back and understand that, outside of segments involving The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin, the Attitude Era really sucked, and I will be able to move Debra off this list. Eventually, the WWE may even have fully formed personalities for women where this list could truly evolve, you know, at least enough to include a brunette.

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