Charlie Sheen Is Mad Libs

Obviously Charlie Sheen has been in the news a lot lately.  There isn't really a new opinion you can give about what is going on in Charlie Sheen's head these days.  Luckily, I, like Charlie, am a man who is able to think outside the box.  The general consensus is that what Sheen is saying is, for lack of a better word, awesome. I agree that what he was saying was awesome, but something about what he was saying just didn't add up for me.  Now I never thought it was because he was crazy that it wasn't adding up, but it seemed like our culture was giving him too much credit for what he was saying.  I'm not saying that he wasn't inventive in what he said, but I believe there's purpose behind creativity, and there didn't seem to be a defined purpose in anything that Charlie Sheen was saying.  Then I finally figured it out.  Charlie Sheen's brain works like a game of Mad Libs.

Before we get started, I want to give you, the readers a chance to play along.  Feel free to type a list or write it on a piece of scratch paper, but here is a list of the things that you will need to come up with so you can sound as awesome as Charlie Sheen.  You can also fill it out here, but it has been hit or miss whether it will actually go through, so I recommend writing down your answers.  Although I encourage it, don't worry if you don't want to participate, as I will provide my own mad lib to show you how easy it is (Thanks to AOL for the quotes.):

Famous Person
Something That Can Happen To Someone
Body Part
Verb
Violent Past Tense Verb
Animal
Body Fluid
Body Part
Body Fluid
Cool Job
Planet
Something you can do to someone
Something you can do to someone
Past Tense Verb
Animal
Past Tense Verb
Ideal
Plural Insult
Plural Insult

Now that you're done with that, you are now able to sound as awesome as Charlie Sheen, just fill in the necessary spots (bolded) below (If you did not play along, feel free to skip to the next part where I go over my and Charlie's quotes):

"I am on a drug, it's called FAMOUS PERSON . It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will SOMETHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO SOMEONE. Your BODY PART will VERB and your children will weep over your VIOLENT PAST TENSE VERB body.";

"When you've got ANIMAL BODY FLUID and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude.";

"I have a 10,000-year-old BODY PART and the BODY FLUID of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.";

"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin'; COOL JOB from PLANET. People can't figure me out, they can't SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE me. I don't expect them to. You can't SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE me with a normal brain.";

"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've PAST TENSE VERB this ANIMAL a hundred times, and instead they PAST TENSE VERB it once.";

IDEAL is for INSULT and INSULT;

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Hott Joe's Charlie Sheen Quotes

"I am on a drug, it's called HULK HOGAN . It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will BE EATEN. Your SPLEEN will SCREAM and your children will weep over your OBLITERATED body.";

"When you've got ORANGUTAN SEMEN and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude.";

"I have a 10,000-year-old ELBOW and the BLOOD of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.";

"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin'; GARBAGE MAN from JUPITER. People can't figure me out, they can't PUNISH me. I don't expect them to. You can't PUNCH me with a normal brain.";

"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've BELIEVED this KOALA BEAR a hundred times, and instead they FINISHED it once.";

ETHICS is for CLOWNS and JABRONIS;

Honestly, I love the orangutan semen line.  I also really like the line of "You can't punch me with a normal brain," because it makes me sound like I came out of The Matrix.  But when looking at the real thing below, I could also see him saying any of the things that are put above.

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Charlie Sheen's Quotes

"I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

"When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude."

"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."

"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin' rock star from Mars. People can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've fleeced this sheep a hundred times, and instead they skinned it once."

"Hope is for suckers and fools."

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I really think that I have provided indisputable evidence that Charlie Sheen isn't a genius, he's just mad libs come to life.  Don't get me wrong, his quotes are still awesome, but it makes a lot more sense now that I have uncovered the method behind the madness.

-Joe

P.S.  Feel free to share your own mad libs in the comments section.  Together, we should be able to come up with many batshit insane sayings that will totally impress the ladies.

P.P.S.  And just in case you missed it, here's Derrick Rose's pass from a couple nights ago: