Somebody Taco Bell Taco'd My Car

Okay, I get it. Somebody out there is mad that I haven't posted anything for two weeks, and for that, I apologize. But here is your post, and I promise to do my best to never have a writing hiatus like this again.

I live in an area where five cities like to believe they are more or less equal. They all have their charms and advantages and disadvantages. But if this were an episode of Parks and Recreation, there would be four Pawnees, while I live in Eagleton. It's classy as caviar.

With that being said, I was shocked to see what had happened to my car when I went to go to work this morning. I get out there, and it looks like someone shit all over my backseat driver's side window. After taking a closer inspection and a sniff, I was relieved to find out that it was not shit. I looked to my left and saw a broken taco shell near my front tire. I looked back on the window and instantly knew. Someone had not just thrown a taco at my car, they had thrown a Taco Bell taco at my car. I'd know that meat anywhere.

At first, I was upset. I mean, who would dare desecrate a beautiful vehicle like my 1998 Ford Escort. Do people have no respect for classic cars anymore? But then, I just had to laugh. My neighborhood is so classy that they don't go around egging cars or TPing houses, they go to Taco Bell, probably buy a big box of tacos, and terrorize the neighborhood by throwing them at the nicest cars they can find.

So I am sorry about the long hiatus. I'm not mad at the culprits, I'm just mad they didn't put hot sauce on it first, because Taco Bell sauce is what turns it from car grenades into delicious, delicious food.