My Reaction to the Non-Firing of Greg Davis

Earlier this week, Kirk Ferentz said that Greg Davis would be back with Iowa next year as far as he knew. Although this does leave the door open for Davis to quit, it's probably not going to happen, since he is visiting a recruit this weekend. This basically eliminates all hope for the 2013 Iowa football season. Instead of being sad about this, it has just made me extremely cynical. A friend of mine who went to Iowa State immediately texted me to talk about the great news:

Iowa State Friend: Greg Davis needs this second year to get the horizontal offense completely built in.
Me: Watch out world. He is becoming a BETTER coach.
ISF: Imagine his skill level during the 2018 season. It's going to be poetry in motion.
Me: It will be so horizontal that there will be a replay of every dropped pass to see if it was incomplete or a fumble.
ISF: Greg Davis's crowning achievement will be the first time that his football team covers 400 actual yards with only gaining 10 offensive yards in a game. It will be glorious.
Me: He hasn't done that yet?
ISF: Got close at Texas, but one of his insane athletes screwed it up and actually busted a two yard hook for an actual gain.
Me: Idiot. Don't have to worry about that with Iowa players.
ISF: And that is why Iowa is perfect for him; it's not like Ferentz is ever going to fire anyone.
Me: We really need Greg Davis to get caught smoking weed. Kirk hates weed smokers.
ISF: Those damn weed heads ruin programs, not awful clock management.
Me: There is no such thing as clock management. There is a clock, but it's not like Kirk is some sort of god who can stop time.
ISF: Not a time stopping god? that is your opinion, but I doubt Kirk shares it. You'd be amazed what that wall of protection money can buy.
Me: Kirk spends all of his money on gum.
ISF: Explains the impressive jaw line.
Me: It's definitely money well spent.

So the two big takeaways here are that Kirk has a very good jaw line, and I am probably not going to be super pumped for this season unless Greg Davis starts hanging out with Afroman. Go Hawkeyes!