I Have Never Drank Coffee

Coffee is a strange thing to me, a strange brew some might say. The news is in on the stuff, and people can't get enough of it. Yet coffee really has no interest to me, as I have never had it, and that freaks people out.

Most people cannot imagine their lives without coffee, in fact, they have a hard time imagining anybody's life without coffee, as I am met with incredulity when I tell them I have never even tasted a cup of Joe, despite my name being Joe. But since I never started drinking coffee, it seems kind of silly to build a dependence on it now.

I find it very odd that people almost seem to brag when they say, "A single cup of coffee doesn't do anything for me." Uh, that's not a good thing. That sounds like a pretty extreme chemical dependence, and it doesn't sound all that fun.

Also, coffee is expensive and confusing. There are so many fancy machines and blends involved that I wouldn't even know where to start. Also, if you get coffee from a coffee shop, it is super expensive. I'm cheap as shit, so I really don't need a vice that is going to make me spend any more money than I do on a monthly basis.

And I understand that this has been a negative take on coffee, but that's not my intention. It's just that there are positives and negatives with it, and for me, the negatives far outweigh the positives. If you enjoy coffee, keep enjoying it, but there's no need to act baffled when somebody doesn't drink coffee; it's simply not for everybody.