Is New York City the Greatest City on Earth?

I went to New York City for the first time a couple weeks ago. Even though it was a work trip, I did get some time to explore. So I set out to check out as much as I could and give New York City a review. I didn’t have access to the vehicle, so I didn’t make it real far, but let’s face it, when people talk about New York, they are talking about Manhattan, and that is the place I spent nearly all of my time. Here are the highlights, starting with the sights, and following with the experiences.

Sights
Queens Boulevard
I saw a sign for Queens Boulevard and had to hold in my laughter. If you didn’t watch Entourage (good for you), you will not understand the pure comedy of seeing a sign for Queens Boulevard. But for those of you that suffered through all of that show, “Are you kidding me? I am Queens Boulevard.” That’s why Vinnie Chase was a movie star.

Statue of Liberty
Almost as impressive is the Statue of Liberty. It’s pretty cool that they have a replica of the one in Las Vegas right here in New York City. During the day, the Statue of Liberty is pretty blah, but it is pretty cool when it’s lit up at night.

Times Square
Man, I really just did not care about Times Square. I mean, it’s good that I got to see it, but I didn’t care going in, and I didn’t care going out. My full review: It’s quite bright.

9/11 Memorial
I checked out the fountains, and they were cool. Is it bad to say they were cool? I guess this was one of those things where I would have had more of an emotional connection had I seen the area before. But since it was my first time, it was just natural that they had this there. I obviously know the history, but I think it is much more powerful for a native than a tourist.

Grand Central Station
This is a famous place that is shown in movies. It is also a damn fortress that you will never escape. Every sign just points you to more trains. I didn’t want more trains, I wanted to get outside. My advice is to just keep going up until you luck into an exit or a roof.

Experiences
The Subway
My first Subway trip was awesome. We were nuts to butts in every car. I got intimate with many people that I will never see again. The smell was not great, and I kept my hand on my wallet the entire time. Great experience.

Street Performers
I have heard that some street performers put on really great shows. The street performers I saw put on a very shitty show. They said they were going to jump over like 10 people, but they ended up jumping over three. A huge buildup with a massive letdown. Do not trust people who say they are going to jump over 10 people; they will only let you down.

Watching Iowa Game
Watched the Iowa game at an Iowa bar in Manhattan. It was a lot of fun from start to fini…right before the finish. Still, I ate a big ass turkey leg and drank a bunch of cheap beer. Those are good things to do when watching football.

Running – Day 1
So when I was running for my first time in the city, I was still paying for the sins of the night before. I did not feel great, and I was very slow compared to my normal pace. Still, I pushed myself over the Brooklyn Bridge and into Brooklyn before turning around for a nice little five mile run. The Brooklyn Bridge was a very enjoyable place to run as I had the sunrise on one side and the Statue of Liberty on the other. Also, quite a few people were around so I never got lonely, and I couldn’t stop and look like a sissy. I will say that I was pleasantly surprised with the running options in the city.

Drinking at a Fancy Bar
Night two I went to Stone Street and had an Old Fashioned at this fancy whiskey bar. It was delicious, made all the sweeter by the fact that I didn’t have to pay for it. I highly recommend going to nice places, having good drinks and not paying.

Running – Day 2
New Yorkers often talk about how tough they are, and if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. What I found is that they are massive cowards. My Day 2 run was at 4:45, and I saw a decent amount of people out at that time. Not a ton, but some, and all but one single girl were cowards. I would give them a runner’s wave as I went by, but everybody put their heads down and refused to make eye contact with me. What a bunch of ninnies. I mean, for a place that talks about how tough they are, I wasn’t very impressed, as they seemed to be intimidated by my “Buff Daddy” shirt from Bodybuilding.com.

Ordering Pizza
Speaking of toughness, the toughest thing in New York City is understanding people. I do not speak New Yorkian. I mean, I could not understand shit when natives were talking. Why do they talk like that? These people might make it in New York, but if they talked with a funny accent in small town Iowa, I guarantee that they would not make it there. I also heard a lot about how New Yorkers always get in fights, and I’m pretty sure that 90% of those are started because nobody can understand each other. Oh yeah, I got some pizza, and it was good. It wasn’t as good as pizza places in Iowa, and it wasn’t as good as the pizza place I go to in Florida. I sure hope they don’t brag about that stuff.
And that was my New York City experience. Is New York City the greatest city on Earth? No, and it’s not particularly close. I mean, it’s pretty cool, but there are plenty of places I could enjoy more. It’s a B+ city. I enjoyed my time there, but I won’t be heartbroken if I never make it back.

I EH 

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