Jose Canseco Has His Life Together

I usually like to create a theme, but honestly, the theme is craziness today. Jose's out of damn mind, but I think he's cool with it. Where should we start? Let's start here:

You should hate rapist,child molesters,murderers and gas prices not me
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012

Okay, first off, people shouldn't hate Jose Canseco. Now that we have that out of the way, let's go into his examples. One of these examples is not like the other. Rapists, okay, they are definitely bad. Child molesters, they are probably even worse. Murderers, yep, they definitely can hang with the first two. Gas prices, yep...wait, what? If you give me me an option between being raped or paying $5 for a gallon of gas, I think I will just pay the extra for gas. I don't hate gas prices; they're just kind of there and it's a bummer, but not to the point where I would let my unborn child be diddled by a stranger in order for the prices to drop. Maybe that's just me. Let's see what else is on Jose's mind.

I will challenge you to a spelling competition
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012

Holy shit, Jose could literally make my dreams come true. I have long dreamed of a mental decathlon against Jose, and this, along with multiplication tables, would definitely be the highlights. But let's see how serious he really is about this competition:

Who can spell the funny poop that comes out of your but
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012

The runny wet poop what is it called
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012

Starts with a d
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012

This is the beauty of Jose. This is not part of his challenge. This is actually him just hoping somebody will give him the correct spelling of diarrhea. Jose knows that complicated words will be involved in future spelling bees, and what is more complicated than diarrhea? I know it always leaves me with a lot of questions.

Looks like Leila left me for a mma fighter .well I guess I am single again
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 22, 2012

I have no witty commentary for this post, but I just feel very happy for Jose. Last time Leila dumped him, it put him in a tailspin where he told everyone that Leila is a dirty whore who loves drugs. This time, he responded in a much more mature way:

Who ever my 500k follower is can have a threesome with lady Gaga and yours truly
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 26, 2012

Okay, that's the least appetizing offer I can think of, but it's a whole lot better than a mental breakdown. Great job, Jose.

Well, that should just about wrap it up. Alright, I guess we have time for one more tweet. What else you got, Jose?

Would you swallow your dogs throw up to save your best friend from dieing
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 26, 2012

 In our academic decathlon, I may just concede brain teasers for fear that Jose might say something that makes my head explode.

In conclusion, slap a hater.