Alabama
Good - It has beaches on the gulf of Mexico
Bad - I mean it’s Alabama and they tried very hard to elect a known child pervert.
Alaska
Good - Beautiful
Bad - Cold, too much time in darkness.
Arizona
Good - It’s warm, contains Lake Havasu. Spring Training baseball.
Bad - Tucson was trash.
Arkansas
Good - Seriously, I googled the best things about Arkansas, and the top result had a high school at the top of the list. Maybe that’s the highest education in the state? Oh shit, one good thing was I loved Corliss Williamson for those old Razorback basketball teams.
Bad - I didn’t think I had a huge issue with Arkansas, but this might be the worst state in the nation. It just offers nothing to get excited about.
California
Good - San Diego is damn near perfect. Stephen Neal might be the greatest two-sport athlete ever.
Bad - San Francisco sucks and is expensive. It truly blows my mind.
Colorado
Good - Mountains are cool, great beer, you can smoke weed.
Bad - Altitude sucks.
Connecticut
Good - Women’s basketball, and people swear by New Haven pizza.
Bad - Every ESPN employee shits on it as an awful place to live.
DC
Good - Tons of history
Bad -
Delaware
Good - Nice beach towns
Bad - It’s Delaware, and there is nothing there. It’s probably the least essential of all 50 states. Plus they’re responsible for Joe Biden.
Florida
Good - I can be outside year round,. I complain when temps reach the 40s, for lows, not highs. I have a television outside, and I’m not rich, it’s just an easy thing to do, and have it out by the pool. I can go to the beach, plenty of sports teams and airports. 90% of pro wrestlers live here. I can go to NXT shows for $10. Also spring training.
Bad - Inland Florida is a death trap. Gainesville is a garbage town. Orlando sucks. There are confederate flags. Our politicians might be the worst politicians. It really is humid as shit, and afternoon rain storms suck during the summer.
Georgia
Good - Savannah is awesome. Atlanta is a major city. Georgia Bulldogs have always been good to me, and any enemy of the Florida Gators is a friend of mine.
Bad - Atlanta traffic.
Hawaii
Good - Beautiful, great weather, beaches and mountains everywhere
Bad - Pretty far away, not much for sports.
Idaho
Good - Where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed, I guess that’s good?
Bad - Probably the worst of the northwestern states. Wyoming seems prettier, Montana seems more wide open and free, and Oregon and Washington have legit cities. Why would I ever go there unless I was driving to Seattle?
Illinois
Good - Chicago is phenomenal - summers are beautiful, Wrigleyville owns
Bad - Everything else is awful.
Indiana
Good - Indinapolis is walkable.
Bad - South Bend sucks, West Lafeyette sucks, and Bloomington is okay. Indy ain’t great, and Hoosiers was not that great of a movie.
Iowa
Good - The Des Moines area is very nice. Iowa City is a wonderful college town. Kick ass wrestling and a fine football team without any worries of a major scandal. Best pizza in the world.
Bad - Let’s break down the area I grew up in, the Quad Cities, of which there are five. Our local ice cream shop is called Whitey’s. We have a sky bridge that literally leads to nowhere. It went from a parking garage to over a street to get you near the riverboat casino, but the boat moved, so now it just leads to a really sad stretch of grass. It floods every year, often multiple times, because they refuse to build a flood wall. There used to be a bar called Shenanigans that claimed to have an authentic Irish Pub on one side and the best dance club in the area on the other. It was neither.
Also on the other side of the state, Steve King.
Kansas
Good - Some of Kansas City
Bad - Kansas somehow gets a pass that there ain’t shit in Kansas, but there ain’t shit in Kansas. Like, how do they recruit basketball players? You’d have to be an idiot to go to Kansas.
Kentucky
Good - Where Justified is based.
Bad - I’m just assuming that’s an honest depiction of Kentucky which makes it a hellacious methscape. Also, the Kentucky Derby is pretentious. And Mitch McConnell.
Louisiana
Good - New Orleans, who doesn’t like LSU?
Bad - I couldn’t think of anything bad about Louisiana really, but then I did research, and they are have awful education, are incredibly violent, and obese. A true southern state.
Maine
Good - Larger New Hampshire.
Bad - It’s just a bigger New Hampshire that is further from fun cities to visit. Only the second best Portland.
Maryland
Good - Football and crab cakes. Baltimore gets a lot of shade, but there are really nice parts and some absolute garbage parts. It seems like there could be worse places to live.
Bad - Everybody says The Wire is accurate. That’s...not great. Outside of Baltimore, which is hit or miss, isn’t Maryland just Delaware without the beach towns?
Massachusetts
Good - I think I would enjoy Boston. I’ve heard good things, and there’s like some historical stuff there which I usually enjoy.
Bad - Boston people are insufferable.
Michigan
Good - Lots of water, and it’s shaped like a mitten, so that’s nice.
Bad - Flint, Michigan. Also, Detroit is somehow the one major city that still sucks. Even Cleveland is pretty cool these days. Where would you want to live in Michigan?
Minnesota
Good - Minneapolis is very good. Nice baseball stadium.
Bad - It’s either freezing or swarmed with mosquitos.
Mississippi
Good - The Grove seems great, but SEC tailgating still sucks because they get dressed up like a bunch of assholes.
Bad - Everything else. When you think racism, you think Mississippi. I’d wish for it to drop off into the Gulf if it didn’t mean that it would float by where I lived eventually.
Missouri
Good - Part of Kansas City
Bad - St. Louis
Montana
Good - You can drive fast there. It’s supposed to be pretty.
Bad - There is a whole lot of nothing
Nebraska
Good - College World Series
Bad - Nothing else.
Nevada
Good - Las Vegas is fine for 36 hours. The Hoover Dam is cool. Hot days, cool nights. Legalized prostitution.
Bad - Vegas is way overrated. Sports gambling is getting legalized everywhere. I feel like Nevada is a place to visit but I could not stand to live there. I have a buddy who has lived there for five years, and he’s moving to St. Louis to upgrade his life. That’s dire.
New Hampshire
Good - I think it’s very green up there, like forests and stuff. Probably has beaches.
Bad - Just a colder version of Delaware.
New Jersey
Good - Close to New York.
Bad - Everyone claims that Jersey is a massive dump. I’ll trust that this is the correct take. Also, the Jersey Shore is not a point in their favor.
New Mexico
Good - Great MMA training, Santa Fe is artsy.
Bad - Even their best city, Albuquerque is hit-or-miss. It is far away from all other major cities. It’s like four hours from Phoenix which is a place you go to get to a better city.
New York
Good - I love to summer in the Hamptons. Seriously, I was a New York City skeptic, but it was much nicer than I expected. Really nice running trails along the water, they had a bar at their park by Times Square, and traffic wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as I expected.
Bad - Either you’re in New York City, or you’re just in a desolate boring place, and NYC is way too expensive for what it is.
North Carolina
Good - Has some mountains, has the ocean, Charlotte is a fine city. Asheville is really nice as well, and I’ve heard great things about the Outer Banks. Moderate temperatures.
Bad - They seem to really hate the LGBTQ community.
North Dakota
Good - Good high school wrestling.
Bad - Big on fracking, little on everything else.
Ohio
Good - Cleveland actually has some nice areas. Columbus seems solid. You could probably get a place on the lake without a big cost.
Bad - Cincinnati is basically Kentucky. I once stayed in downtown Dayton, went for a run, and it went from being nice to just blatant drug and prostitution houses in the matter of a block. Also, only 20% feels like Ohio as it takes on the states it borders. 20% is Indiana, 20% is Kentucky, 20% is Pennsylvania, and 20% is West Virginia. Spoiler alert, none of those are good things.
Oklahoma
Good - Oklahoma City is a fine city
Bad - Oklahoma City is only fine, and they brag about it, just because it doesn’t totally suck. How bad must the rest of that state be? There is no little brother state more than Oklahoma is Texas’s little brother.
Oregon
Good: Lakeview, Oregon - Rick Sanders is all-time cool. The second guy to win a World Title for the USA in wrestling in 1969. He was once in the finals of an AAU tournament in Oklahoma where his shaggy hair and beard and hippy lifestyle didn’t sit well with the locals. He faced an Oklahoman in the finals where the announcer introduced his opponent as “Wrestling for the Lord,” and before the announcer could give Rick his introduction, Sanders shouted, “And wrestling for the devil, Rick Sanders!” The crowd erupted in boos. Sanders pinned his opponent in the first period.
One time, guys saw him in the bushes and asked what he was doing where he explained that he was hiding beers every two miles since he needed to cut weight the next day, and that was the only way to encourage himself to run the 12 miles.
He died in 1972, shortly after winning his second Olympic Silver Medal when he was hitch-hiking to Greece but was involved in a head-on collision in Yugoslavia.
Bad: Not enough sunshine, republicans literally flee the state anytime something progressive might happen.
Pennsylvania
Good - Philly was solid as a city, and the Philly Cheesesteak is my jam.
Bad - Pittsburgh sucks. State College is in the middle of nowhere and the whole state supports baby rape.
Rhode Island
Good - The smallest state, which makes it at least somewhat memorable.
Bad - That is the only thing people know about Rhode Island.
South Carolina
Good - Charleston is a good spot. Greenville is apparently nice as well. Good weather.
Bad - I once went to Clemson before they started dominating the world, and they do not know how to do things right. There are no alcohol sales on Sunday, so bars close before midnight on Saturday nights. There’s a lot of collared-shirt racism.
South Dakota
Good - Mount Rushmore, Chad Greenway
Bad - These are the only two things I know about South Dakota.
Tennessee
Good - Nashville is legit fun, even if country music is terrible. I have heard excellent things about Memphis food. Not terrible scenery.
Bad - Country music is terrible, but after thinking off the top of my head, outside of what I’m sure are awful people, I don’t think I mind Tennessee.
Texas
Good - Austin owns.
Bad - Texans are the second most self-important people after New Yorkers. They have a hilarious thought that Texas should be its own country even though almost completely land-locked, and their economy depends on oil which literally every intelligent person is trying a world where oil is obsolete.
Utah
Good - Beautiful state, both northern and southern. Mormons are very nice.
Bad - Low beer content, no motion in the ocean, only soaking.
Vermont
Good - Bernie Sanders, and Burlington is supposed to be picturesque and have a ton of breweries.
Bad - Uppity Northeasterners. It’s cold and cold is bad.
Virginia
Good - Not terrible weather. I haven’t heard much of anything on this state.
Bad - I have no idea where I would live in this state. Could I really get excited about living in Richmond, Virginia? Folks, I could not.
Washington
Good - Seattle is a phenomenal city
Bad - It’s too expensive to actually live in Seattle.
West Virginia
Good - That Jonn Denver song. Some underrated scenery, especially for someone like me who celebrates when he finds any sort of slight incline.
Bad - A hick’s Virginia. For some reason, the Appalachians brings out the darkest of hicks, and the Rockies bring out a bunch of chill bros and snow bunnies. I don’t know why, but it’s simply a fact.
Wisconsin
Good - Milwaukee and Madison are both top notch. People at University of Wisconsin are just a good time. I want to beat them, but I have no hatred.
Bad - Packers fans are dumb even by NFL standards. They produced Scott Walker and Paul Ryan.
Wyoming
Good - I heard it’s nice up there.
Bad - I had a friend who lived there, and I still can’t name a city outside of Cheyenne.
