Now with that out of the way, let's focus on the real news. There was a hot tub scene in Franklin and Bash. This is very important. There were bikini-clad babes just hanging out. Franklin and Bash were too busy drinking and lawyering to join them, but this was still the most important two seconds that either show has had this season. This was a very great week for lawyers who play by their own rules, so remember, just making the list is an honor. For last week's rankings, click here. Now onto this week's rankings:
1. Harvey Specter - Harvey got pissed at Mike for making fun of The Spinners, so he sold him off to Louis. His shining moment was when he told Tanner to move to the corner of 81st and Kiss My Ass. I do not think that is a real address, but hopefully we will find out in future episodes whether Tanner moved there. Harvey decides to get Donna to do his dirty work. Then he gets replaced by new General Counsel. But he totally goes after Coastal Motors head honcho, because he's fired and all bets are off when you fire Harvey. Even with the settlement that Harvey made them do, Tanner is still coming after him. Harvey plans on burying Tanner, but, um, let's just say that things are going to get real next week.
2. Peter Bash - Peter is not happy, because he gets stuck defending Sal due to Franklin having to have his chicken and waffles. He did have an awesome quote of, "I have also seen all of the Fast and Furious movies outside of Tokyo Drift," which is something that Bash and I have in common. This episode should have been called Unrequited Love, because they said it about 75 times. They have become legendary trial lawyers according to their shadowing law student. Most importantly, we found out Bash got fired from an old job for banging the boss's daughter. That is SO Bash. And yes, it appears that Bash is definitely back.
3. Travis Tanner - He's trying to sue Harvey for fraud, and he's going to take $46 million from one of Harvey's clients to top it off. He is also rhyming his sentences while putting Harvey in his place. He left Harvey speechless after he visited the lady who used to work for Coastal Motors; that is a pretty rare occurrence. Even after Harvey does the right thing and gets the family the money from Coastal Motors, Tanner decides that he is still going after Harvey, just to be a dick. He has no moral compass, and that is something that gets respect on this list.
4. Louis Litt - Louis is getting shut down by HARDMAN to start off the episode. But Louis got Mike Ross to work for him, so that's all good. Then he bans him from sex. That is one hell of a power move. He goes all out for Liquid Water, and even used his own emotion to help him relate to the Durham Foods guy who can't get a promotion. You could make the argument that Louis showed heart, but let's face it, Louis showed guile. He tried to help out Harvey, but Harvey turned him down. Bad move, Harvey, because Louis is a snake, so he recorded Harvey's conversation and informed HARDMAN of everything going on. To top it off, he is going to get revenge on Mike Ross for lying to him. This was an extremely strong week for Louis.
5. Jared Franklin - As I stated earlier, he loves chicken and waffles. He wants to pick sexy ladies for the jury, because sexy ladies love Franklin and Bash. Heard that, playa. But this is also why he hates their legal student shadow girl, Bonnie. She has glasses and is a real stick in the mud. There are a lot of girls that Franklin and Bash could make Prom Queen of Law School, but her, she's got glasses, so there is no chance that she could win (Please make this an episode, benevolent writers of Franklin and Bash). "No Diesel, no fun," was definitely the best quote of the episode and a motto I live every day by. In the end, they tricked DA Hewitt into doing exactly what they wanted. Sure, their client still beat the shit out of three dudes, but jury selection is all that matters, and uh, like, love and stuff.
6. Mike Ross - He's so depressed about working with Louis that he begs Harvey to take him back, but Harvey had bigger fish to fry. Also, Harold now thinks he bangs Donna. He also went over all the files and found the missing piece of the big fraud by Coastal Motors. And Mike also helped them have a win for Liquid Foods, while making a new friend in Louis. Unfortunately, that friendship lasted all of five minutes as he lied to Louis and now Louis wants to kill his unborn children. On top of all of that, he forgot about the hot paralegal, Rachel, and the next guy in these rankings might be filling the hole he left behind.
7. Harold - He starts off the episode by macking on Rachel, the hot paralegal. Holler. He totally got her a stapler. Then she opens her desk and we find out that she has a dozen staplers. Most people viewed this as Harold getting owned by Rachel, but I see it completely different. Clearly, Rachel has some sort of mental handicap. Why wouldn't she ask for staples or post-its, or a pen? Something she could actually use. Harold, this is your time to shine, I expect you to be banging Rachel by the end of the month.
8. Bonnie - She is so nerdy. And really, what a dog, with those glasses and whatnot. Plus, she believes in lawyering with heart, not logic. But this needs to be mentioned, she had the most ridiculous line in the history of the show. In reference to them wooing her, she said, "It's a seller's market." NO. NO. NO. It is the opposite of a seller's market. Expecting a law degree to get you a great lawyer job is like wearing a Burger King crown and expecting to run a country.
9. Stanton Infeld - I am not 100% sure that Stanton even owns a car. He seems like a crazy homeless man that just wanders the streets all day. President Clinton's Supreme Court Justice Search Team; that may be Infeld's best lie of the season. Although mad props for saying the first gun he ever had, given to him when he was six years old, was from his father and originally taken off a Nazi soldier. I would have found it more believable had he just said that he shit a rainbow in stall number two in the company bathroom.
10. Daniel Hardman - HARDMAN is pulling power moves on Louis. He also extended an olive branch to Harvey, but there is no way to know what his end game is. In the end, he is still trying to get Louis on his side, and HARDMAN found out what they were hiding. He was super pissed, but then he decided that they all needed to work together to conquer this as a team. Although his blow-up was manly, he seems to want to play within the rules which is a huge knock in these rankings.
Honorable Mention:
Janie Ross - I am putting her in to let ladies know to not have sex with Peter Bash. You will disappear afterwards. Hopefully, Janie can make a comeback and not end up like Cop Girlfriend, may God show mercy for her soul.
Hanna Linden - Hanna actually gave some real advice about picking ladies for the jury. Then she was demeaned when talking about love because Franklin assumed that she was hitting on him.
Jessica Pearson - She's putting Harvey in his place and telling him to clean up his shit before they have to deal with HARDMAN. Then she realizes she must work with the HARDMAN for the sake of the company. This was actually a much better week for women than what we have seen in the past, but Hanna and Jessica just did not have enough screen time to crack the top ten.
DA Hewitt - He let Franklin and Bash use all of their jury challenges before they knew that they had to change their whole defense. But he fell for their shenanigans in the end, and Miss Kiki will clearly bury his case and leave him with nothing but his dick in his hand.
Black Gay Lawyer Guy - Probably attending the MIT Sloan Conference, because he is the most progressive character in television history, and that just seems like something he would do. I already miss this guy. Please come back.
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