Sable Is The Least Sexy Woman In WWE History

Sable had big boobs. I know that may be a weird first sentence to start out a post, but I believe it sums up almost all of the fascination with Sable. She had big boobs. She was also blonde, and although she was pretty, it's not like she stood out (I'm a Sunny guy myself, although even I can't argue that Sable hasn't aged better), especially once wrestling got introduced to women like Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler.

Still, Sable was in the right place at the right time with the right boobs to become one of the most popular women in wrestling history. It's honestly impressive as due to her lack of charisma and rhythm, any time she spoke or moved, it immediately turned down her sex appeal. That's why she was perfect for Playboy. Just getting posed, not moving, not saying anything, it was Playboy's best selling issue in over a decade.

Unfortunately, the WWE required her to speak and to move. She actually had a decent catchphrase where she ended all of her promos with, "This is for the men that come to see me, and the women that want to be me." Listen, I know it's not great, but unlike most things Sable, it wasn't awful.

But let's focus on what happened after that phrase. That is when she introduces us to "The Grind." Remember how I mentioned she had no rhythm? Well, this is all the proof you need:

What...what is that?

I'll admit, when I first watched this, I just kind of felt bad for her. There is no way that movement is comfortable for her, as it pains me just to watch it. Eventually, I got over that uncomfortable feeling and learned to enjoy it. I know the hips are mesmerizing, but the facial expressions are nearly as good. You not only get a chance to see her "Oh" face, but afterwards you also get a sly smile that is just full of self-satisfaction. I was more turned on by Mae Young giving birth to a hand than I am by "The Grind."

If Shakira's hips don't lie, I'm pretty sure Sable's have never told the truth. Imagine having to deal with "The Grind" every day. No wonder Brock Lesnar is so angry.