The Five Biggest Jobbers of Goldberg's Undefeated Streak

When working with Lukewarm Jonah on our instant classic piece of writing on Glacier, Jonah mentioned that Glacier lost to Goldberg. I looked into it and found out that Glacier didn't lose once to Goldberg. He lost three times to Goldberg. The streak was simply too high for him to go through 173 different opponents. So I decided to go through the list and break down the five biggest jobbers involved in Goldberg's streak. Instead of subjectively finding out whether Wayne Bloom is a bigger jobber than Chase Tatum (those names may be made up, but they made the list).

5. Brad Armstrong - 6
This is the type of jobber I would expect to see on this list. He's good enough to be in the ring with Goldberg on television, but he's bad enough where you don't really need the match going longer than three minutes. Four of his losses were at random house shows, but he did manage to get one loss on Nitro and even a match on SuperBrawl VIII. They both went something like this...

The only reason he gets in any offense is to anger Goldberg so he has a reason to finish him off. This makes a lot of sense. Also, if you have an Armstrong Curse sweatshirt, you are either the world's greatest wrestling fan or Brad Armstrong.

4. Curt Hennig - 7
It is ironic that the former Mr. Perfect was the victim of someone else's perfection seven times during this streak. Also, Curt Hennig is way too good to be jobbing out to Goldberg that many times. There was a loss on Nitro and at Bash at the Beach, but, by far, the most important loss that Hennig had was at the Goodwill Games. I'm just going to assume that in 1998, the Goodwill Games recognized pro wrestling as a legitimate sport and Goldberg won it all. Either that, or as an honor to Goldberg, they replaced the traditional first prize medals with Goldberg Medals, which had Bill's face on the gold medal so the athletes could aspire to something greater.

3. Jerry Flynn - 8
Jerry Flynn may be the most perfect jobber for a guy like Goldberg. I mean, the guy posed zero threat, but he was large enough to make all (two) of Goldberg's moves look impressive. This is probably my favorite Bill Goldberg match of all time.

The beginning of the match involves one of my favorite things, and that is pro wrestling not understanding how MMA submissions work. They trade submissions, and I think two out of seven were actually applied correctly. But it's nonstop, and then Goldberg slams him, hits his two moves and calls it a day. These two were pure magic together. It's kind of amazing that Jerry Flynn only lost eight times to Goldberg.

2. Saturn - 11
Most of Saturn's losses came on house shows, which makes sense. But still, he managed to get two PPV matches against Goldberg in Spring Stampede and Slamboree. Two weeks before his match against Goldberg, Saturn lost to Hammer and was kicked out of the flock. But after that, Saturn was able to beat Jerry Flynn in the week leading up to his US Title shot. Somehow, none of these epic matches are on YouTube. Honestly, that's probably for the best.

1. The Giant - 18
Yep, the biggest jobber is also the world's biggest athlete. When I saw that The Giant was number one, I was surprised, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He is bigger than everyone, so he should be this dominant force that can only lose by fluke, but instead his entire career has him going on massive losing streaks where he is asked to look like shit in order to build up other guys. He is the shit guy far more than the dominant force guy, so it doesn't even build up his opponent. The Giant should lose maybe three times in a year, but instead he managed to lose three matches to Goldberg on Nitros, all within a month. He just kept going out there and losing. It was near the end of The Giant's contract with WCW, so his most notable win in those last few months was either Disco Inferno or Raven in a no disqualification match. He also had a three week string of getting dominated by Goldberg at house shows, and those losses added up fast. In fact, they made him Goldberg's biggest jobber, both figuratively and literally.

Blood Runs Cold: The Glacier Story

There are some topics so large that there is no way a single writer could do it justice. These stories not only change our world in the present, but they change everything about our future. This is the story of Glacier, a man so influential that I had to bring in what I believe to be is Glacier's #1 Fan, Lukewarm Jonah to help me pay homage to the martial artist pro wrestling legend.

I will be taking a look at what happened before Glacier ever stepped foot in the ring, because that is almost the only thing I remember about him. Jonah is clearly a much more knowledgeable fan than I am, and that will be apparent when he takes over. But man, those vignettes were something else. The first vignette establishes that "Blood Runs Cold." The second vignette goes further by stating:

"Our world is about to change.
Enter the realm.
Blood runs cold.
In each of us burns the fury of a Warrior."

Oh hell yeah, I got that Warrior fury in me and am ready to enter the realm. The last two vignettes then showed us this.

There is only one thing that came to mind when watching a man do karate moves in a set that was clearly designed for him to do karate moves around. That one thing is that Glacier was making Mac's Project Badass videos from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia with a budget for set design. Looking at Glacier as Mac's dream really makes him a ton more interesting and likable.

Unfortunately, they let Glacier talk, and that is something they never should have done. The entire Glacier character is built on mystique, and that is lost when you realize who is just a southern boy who learned some roundhouse kicks. This was a period where Stone Cold Steve Austin was becoming a giant star by doing whatever he pleased. This was also a period where Glacier said, "I want to win at any costs, as long as it is within the rules." That is only slightly lamer than his catchphrase of, "Be cool."

But I don't really remember anything about him actually wrestling except he didn't actually wrestle but threw a lot of kicks. Did he win? Did he lose? Did the refs call the match to prevent the fans from freezing to death? I honestly don't know. Luckily, I have Lukewarm Jonah to take over from here.

In 1996 the wrestling world was about to be set on fire. The Ringmaster turned into “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. At Bash at the Beach Hulk Hogan would turn into “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan and join the New World Order and form the greatest stable of all time. Finally, Glacier would make his debut on WCW Saturday Night, the Mothership. 12 year old me was super pumped for his debut. A martial artist in wrestling? He’d be unstoppable. The vignettes that had been playing played up his martial arts background and introduced us all to the phrase, “Blood Runs Cold”. Then there was his entrance. Rumored to have cost in the six figures it included lasers, fake falling snow, and Glacier showcasing his martial arts mastery all while bearing a close resemblance to Mortal Kombat character Sub Zero. His debut match against the Gambler was dominant and I couldn’t wait to see more of the guy. Glacier disposed of Big Bubba Rogers aka The Big Boss Man handily and seemed on a path to superstardom.

Glacier then entered into his best known feud. He fought against Mortis aka Chris Kanyon in green skull gear managed by the fantastic James Vanderberg aka James Mitchell, The Sinister Minister. Glacier and Mortis battled in epic matches that you couldn’t help but see as battles between good and evil. After Glacier had beat up Mortis it was clear Mortis needed some help. Wrath aka Brian Adams debuted as a costumed huge guy who beat up Glacier. Glacier kept winning and kept getting jumped by the other guy after the match. Glacier needed help so he brought in Ernest “The Cat” Miller. They feuded with and continued to beat Wrath and Mortis. Glacier’s first loss came in a tag match against Wrath and Mortis, but he was still around 100-1 against them so the future seemed bright.

Now I had forgotten that Glacier lost to those guys in a tag match, but I still vividly remember his first singles loss. He fought Buff Bagwell of the nWo on Monday Nitro and I was sure he was going to win and start battling against them. It was a dirty victory but Buff won. After that Glacier fell off the face of the Earth. He lost basically every match he competed in, including being three of Goldberg’s victims in his undefeated streak. Glacier eventually sold his ring gear to Kaz Hayashi and eventually became Coach Buzz Stern for a short time before leaving.

So the question becomes: What went wrong? I touched on it in the opening, but 1996 was simply a bad time to have these larger than life characters fighting. Eric Bischoff stated that he wanted Glacier to be a video game come to life. He was and so were Wrath and Mortis but it was the wrong time. Austin 3:16 had happened and the nWo was out being super cool, these masked characters just didn’t fit in. The good news is that TNA stole the idea of a video game come to life with Suicide, because TNA is awesome at stealing from WCW, but not stealing anything that people actually liked. Anyways, out there on my N64 WCW/nWo Revenge game Glacier is World Champion, winning matches by knocking fools out with the Cryonic Kick. Kick on Glacier, kick on.