Monday, September 18, 2017

Maybe I Should Start a Travel Blog

As loyal readers know, the output these last couple months have been pathetic at best. Honestly, I don't even deserve to call myself a Blogger with my recent performance. Thank God I'm married as Blogger was basically my only way to pick up chicks at the club. The only thing I've even posted this month before yesterday was a sponsored post, whaddup $40! But I didn't get into blogging for the money or the chicks; I did it for the love of the game. That is why I need to explain my (lack of) actions.

Basically, I've just been traveling a ton lately. That's it. Nothing too exciting, just general exhaustion from constantly traveling and not having the grit to still get it done while on a plane, train, or automobile. Over the last seven weeks, I went to Chicago, Iowa, Chicago again, Salt Lake City, Jacksonville, Delaware, Philadelphia, survived Hurricane Irma, and finally just chilled this weekend. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to New York, Seattle, Savannah, and Palo Alto. Then I think (hope) that I can get a couple weekends to just chill at home. But because of all of that travel, the blog has taken a back seat, and for that I apologize.

But I still figure I should get some content out of all of those trips, so let's do quick reviews of every place that I visited.

Chicago - This was for a work trip, and I actually stayed in Wheeling, Illinois, which is a good 45 minutes from the city. Therefore, I did not have time to go into the city. As for Wheeling, they have a really nice bike trail right along the river, but that was flooded, so don't go to Wheeling.

Iowa - Hometown visit to see the family. Parents are good, and Grandma is complaining about too many old people at the nursing home. I also had Harris Pizza, so this was probably my second favorite trip.

Chicago - Again for work, and again not in Chicago, as we were way out in Itasca, Illinois. Itasca sucks. They don't have sidewalks near where we stayed, so I was running against highway traffic. I can barely remember anything from the area; I just remember it sucking.

Salt Lake City - Salt Lake City was awesome. Good food, watched some baseball, and did some really awesome hiking. We even got within about 30 feet of a damn moose, which was slightly terrifying at the time, because he was about ten times my size, but after he left, it was pretty damn cool. You should go to Salt Lake City; just don't go there for the beer.

Jacksonville - Visited friends, went to a few breweries, hung out with the dog. I really can't argue with that.

Delaware - Visited my wife's siblings. Drank some beers, played some laser tag, and watched Iowa beat Wyoming on my phone, that's pretty much all I need in a weekend.

Philadelphia - We were here for like 12 hours. I saw the Liberty Bell and ate two cheesesteaks. One was very good, one was not very good. I don't think I need to go back to Philadelphia again.

Hurricane Irma - We only lost power for two days and didn't suffer any damage to our house, so I've certainly got no complaints.

Weekend at Home (no hurricane version) - After all that travel, this weekend definitely hit the spot.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

NFL Thoughts Going Into Week Two

Since I have been away from the blog for a while, I have not been able to share my suepr intelligence when it comes to NFL Football. I want to remedy that now to make you a smarter football fan.

Because of time missed, you did not get my fantasy football advice that Ezekiel Elliott would provide good value, Tyreek Hill would have a breakout, but I didn't like him as much as Allen Robinson (whoopsies), and DeAndre Hopkins might provide first round value yet again (jury's still out on that one). I also loved the Chiefs Defense more than anything, and even without Eric Berry, they'll still be really good, because they are going to have a great pass rush again, and Dave Toub always creates opportunities for special teams. My second favorite defense was the Eagles, because that defensive line is set to destroy the world this year.

Also, every year, it seems there is one guy that I want to add early in the season but don't quite have the roster space, and this year that man is Tarik Cohen. Last year it was Jordan Howard, as I was super high on both of them, but I just couldn't pull the trigger, and now I'm standing here, looking like an idiot with my pud in my hand. Also, I swear it's not always a Bears running back, as I was always way down on Jeremy Langford.

I also didn't get time to brag about how I was on the Mitch Trubisky bandwagon before everyone else. Seriously, can we just rewind to see my thoughts with these three posts professing my love for Trubisky before, during, and after the draft.

Breaking Down the Quarterbacks of the 2017 Draft
Who Should the Bears Draft at #3?
Why the Chicago Bears Traded So Much for Mitch Trubisky

Also, people are really trying to jump to conclusions after one week of football. The Giants offense is not going to be as bad as they looked in week one, the Falcons are still really good, even if they did struggle with the Bears, the Seahawks will be fine, and the only thing that is correct is that the Patriots Dynasty is over, and they'll be lucky to avoid last place this season. That one is definitely happening.

But most importantly, will the Bears please start Mitch Trubisky's Hall of Fame career already? I need this.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Important Things to Remember When You Are Preparing for Draft Football Fantasy

For the seasoned players and the newbies in DRAFT football fantasy, one of the most challenging aspects of getting into the league is the draft. Many players are intimidated by indecisions about selecting the right participants correctly. Sometimes the fear of making a stupid blunder and becoming the laughing stock of the season is even more intimidating to other fans.
But the solution for the challenges and fears is simple: you need to make proper preparations for the season by carrying out ample research. It will be easier for you to carry out your plan confidently and execute your moves without fear if you are better prepared. Just like with any other life activity, without adequate preparation, execution becomes a problem.
To get you ready for the 2017 season, this article aims to give you tips on the importance of preparation, when and how you need to do that, and the reasons why it is sensible to prepare by researching.
Get to Know the Players Well
Preparation for the draft is a very critical element of fantasy football. You can only make better decisions confidently if your knowledge of the players you intend to draft is wide. It is quite frustrating to get into this phase of the game if you are not fully prepared, but if you have carried out your research, you will obviously know which players to avoid completely, the ones you wish to draft, and in which order you want them to appear.
Preparation and Research Timing
It is essential to time your preparation and research for the draft phase well. There are several pre-season events that might make the value of a layer shaky and fluid, and so you should not start too early. Likewise, it is not a good idea to wait until the last or dying weeks because this might force you to cram a lot of information as well as trying to deal with other demanding pressures of your daily life. It is best to begin at least a month earlier. If you want to take part in the NFL season, it would be wise for you to start your draft in mid-August because the season begins on the first September weekend. Your preparation should, therefore, start in late July.
With the timing suggested in this article, you will have adequate time to know about the status of the off season injuries, you will know the signing of free agents, and any other major issues linked to the teams.
The Research Process
There are three steps that many gurus of fantasy football have consistently tried and tested successfully. First start by regularly reading or watching all sources of news associated with ESPN or NFL. It will keep you posted about the league’s high-profile players. You should be on the lookout for important news from any sources.
Next you need to come up with at least 5 cheat sheets for the draft listing all available and relevant players according to their current NFL season’s positions. Check for the information from any free fantasy football website. The cheat sheet you pick should be relevant to the specific rules of the league – PPR, IDP or standard scoring format. Lastly, sit back and enjoy a preview of you mock draft.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Why I Chose To Stay In Florida During Hurricane Irma

I live in Clearwater, Florida, and tonight, I am going to experience my first hurricane when Irma rolls into town. Even though I stayed, it no way means that I am brave, and it also doesn't mean that I'm a dumbass. I just made the logical choice.

As a native Iowan, I never really had to worry about hurricanes, but I did once have a tornado roll right by my apartment complex during college. I was too drunk to really care about it, so it didn't greatly scare me, but considering that we experienced 155 MPH winds, I'm at least prepared for the winds of a hurricane. Tornadoes are far less stressful, and not just because their size is nowhere near a hurricane; it's mostly that a tornado pops up, runs through your area in the next couple hours, and then it's over. A hurricane is the slowest natural disaster imaginable, as we have known about Irma coming for a full week. It is just so damn slow

With that (lack of) speed, things have had so much time to change. It was going to get slowed down in the Caribbean when it hit Cuba and Puerto Rico. Then it was going to just rise up the east coast where we'd be on the outer range. Then it was going straight up the middle, and finally, in worst case scenario, it is now coming up the west coast. That's bad for me, but the whole leadup led to an awkward situation. By wishing for it to not hit me, it meant that I was wishing other people harm. Would I have preferred that it went somewhere else? Of course, that would have been a preferable outcome for me, but even in less than ideal outcome, I'm likely going to be fine.

This leads to the next question: Should I have evacuated? Even knowing what I know now, I still feel good about my decision to stay during the storm. My plan was always to stay unless I received a mandatory evacuation notice. Although Zones A&B did receive the mandatory evacuations, I'm in Zone C, which means that I am good to stay. Would it have been safer for me to go? Yeah, getting out of the way of a hurricane is safer than staying in the way, but I am tucked away in a neighborhood so I should be fairly blocked off from debris, and I'm in the best possible area to avoid flooding. I'm prepared if our house ends up sustaining some damage, and I'm prepared to lose power for a few days if it ends up coming to that, but physically, I feel as if I'm about as safe as taking a flight. Sure, something incredibly weird could happen, but the risk is so slight that I am in no way putting my life in danger.

Overall, I haven't been too worried throughout the process. When I took my lunch to pickup some bottled water last Tuesday, and there was nothing to be found at Sam's Club or Publix, I didn't really worry, I just picked up some Gatorade and figured I'd be good. When I heard that gas stations all across the state were running out of gas, I wasn't too concerned, because I didn't think I'd have to evacuate. When they started announcing evacuations in my area, I didn't really concern myself, because those were coastal areas, and of course they were going to need to evacuate. Even driving through town Saturday and realizing that everything was closed, I wasn't really worried, it just meant that I could go 100 on the highway, because what cop would pull somebody over for speeding when there is a hurricane coming (Also, there was a brewery open over in Tampa, so grabbing a beer with the wife and dog seemed like a good way to celebrate Iowa's victory).

I would say the most concerned I got was when my friends texted me in a group chat to tell me that I should evacuate. My friends are not concerned people; they're idiots, and that's why we get along so well, so it was a tad unnerving that these guys were actually worried about my safety.

But when I balanced everything out, it made sense for me to stay. The most likely outcome is still that everything will be totally fine, maybe lose power for a while. I could sustain some house damage, and I could be without power for days, but I'm prepared for either situation. We've got a safe spot tucked away in the middle of the house where physically, we'll be fine, although the dog may be freaking out a bit. She's always a spaz, so I think we can handle that.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Sable Is The Least Sexy Woman In WWE History

Sable had big boobs. I know that may be a weird first sentence to start out a post, but I believe it sums up almost all of the fascination with Sable. She had big boobs. She was also blonde, and although she was pretty, it's not like she stood out (I'm a Sunny guy myself, although even I can't argue that Sable hasn't aged better), especially once wrestling got introduced to women like Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler.

Still, Sable was in the right place at the right time with the right boobs to become one of the most popular women in wrestling history. It's honestly impressive as due to her lack of charisma and rhythm, any time she spoke or moved, it immediately turned down her sex appeal. That's why she was perfect for Playboy. Just getting posed, not moving, not saying anything, it was Playboy's best selling issue in over a decade.

Unfortunately, the WWE required her to speak and to move. She actually had a decent catchphrase where she ended all of her promos with, "This is for the men that come to see me, and the women that want to be me." Listen, I know it's not great, but unlike most things Sable, it wasn't awful.

But let's focus on what happened after that phrase. That is when she introduces us to "The Grind." Remember how I mentioned she had no rhythm? Well, this is all the proof you need:
What...what is that?

I'll admit, when I first watched this, I just kind of felt bad for her. There is no way that movement is comfortable for her, as it pains me just to watch it. Eventually, I got over that uncomfortable feeling and learned to enjoy it. I know the hips are mesmerizing, but the facial expressions are nearly as good. You not only get a chance to see her "Oh" face, but afterwards you also get a sly smile that is just full of self-satisfaction. I was more turned on by Mae Young giving birth to a hand than I am by "The Grind."

If Shakira's hips don't lie, I'm pretty sure Sable's have never told the truth. Imagine having to deal with "The Grind" every day. No wonder Brock Lesnar is so angry. 

Monday, August 7, 2017

I Can No Longer Judge Women

There are positives and negatives to getting older. The negative is obvious in that my body has peaked, and now I'm on the downhill of that athletic peak. I'm doing my best to slow my trip down that hill, but there's no way of stopping it. The positives seem to outweigh that at this point in that I can do what I want, and I'm confident enough in myself to never really worry about what others think. I'm probably smarter now in that I read so many books that I stay a little too woke. I'm able to do this because I'm married, so I no longer need to give a lot of brain power to the opposite sex. In fact, I give so little brain power to women that I can no longer judge them on a surface level.

It's odd, because I used to not only judge women with reckless abandon, but I enjoyed the snap judgment of a woman's value based off nothing more than a glance. The Attitude Era of wrestling was great for me, because I got to see a lot of women with large breasts showing copious amounts of cleavage. I used to watch shitty TV shows just to see hot chicks. I mean, I watched Unhappily Ever After, a show with a talking bunny, just to check out Nikki Cox. And looking up that show, I realized I also watched the show, Pensacola: Wings of Gold to check out hot chicks too. I can guarantee that show sucked ass, but that just goes to show you what a little pervert I was back in the day.

But now, I simply can't judge women's looks. It's not for lack of trying, because I will stare down women, but I genuinely can't figure it out. I look at a woman, and I go through these thoughts, "Is she hot? Eh, probably not...but maybe," and that's where it almost always ends. I probably look like a damn creep, because I stare way harder, but it's all just curiosity, as I have no interest in bedding these women.

And I realize this is sexist behavior. Like, why does it matter how attractive a person is? It shouldn't at all, but I have spent my entire life objectifying women; it's not like I can just stop now. It's just now I can't come to a conclusion.

This is probably good as I can't give value to someone's looks if I am unable to judge them, but it's bad in that I continue to gawk at people like a creep. Luckily, I was never that impressive of a person to begin with, so it's not like it's going to make a significant difference in what people think about me. I just hope they are able to overcome what I cannot and judge me for my looks instead of my (lack of) character.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

My Mid-Life Crisis

Mid-life crises are always something that made me laugh. Like, what, one day, you realized you were old and needed to get yourself a shitty convertible? That's super sad and unnecessary, especially since convertibles are highly overrated. I was pretty positive that I'd never need to worry about a mid-life crisis of my own, because I don't really care about stuff so there's no big spending spree that I am going to go on. Unfortunately, this past week, I realized that, at the tender age of 32, I might be in the midst of my own mid-life crisis.

Although my crisis does not involve any extravagant purchase. It does involve a couple small purchases, and those couple purchases could turn to a few, could turn to many, could turn to a ridiculous amount of purchases. 

My mid-life crisis is short shorts.

It started a few years ago when I got rid of my basketball shorts and went to shorts at the knee instead of below the knee. Then the shorts went above the knee. Recently, I started folding the waistband over so the shorts raised up just a bit higher on my leg as I found it more comfortable to run since things didn't bounce around in my pockets as much. It was all logical so I didn't see a problem.

It got bad when I found this pair of Puma shorts. This pair was real short, basically the length of boxers. In fact, I wasn't totally sure whether they were boxers or shorts. Like, they seemed like shorts, because they had pockets and a drawstring, but they also had a button for pee hole, and I have never had that on any of my shorts before. Still, they were short shorts, and they had pockets, so I proudly wore them around despite the fact that it made my family uncomfortable. I thought that I wasn't the problem, and they were just jealous that I had such a great pair of legs.

Things only got worse from there. I used to make fun of people who wore those uncomfortably short running shorts. The reason being that if your legs are so weak that they can't fight through a bit of extra fabric, then you've got bigger issues than trying to beat your best mile time. Those guys were the biggest tools on the planet. This past weekend, I found a pair of super short running shorts. These shorts are shorter than any pair of shorts that my wife owns. I knew it was a bad idea, but I also knew that I would love them. So I made the purchase.

The next day I decided to give them a try. Since I have a small waist, I go with a size small shorts to ensure they hug my lower body in all the right places. That next morning they almost seemed shorter than before.  But I was all in, and nothing was going to make me turn back. I ripped off the tags and noticed something that almost made me turn back. Right on the original tag, there it was, "Ladies." My heart sank. Was I really going to wear lady shorts to go running? not only that, but ladies size small shorts. I hemmed, I hawed, and then I said fuck it, let's do this shit. 

I went running in tiny lady shorts, and it was GLORIOUS. I felt lighter on my feet, and I loved looking down to see my gorgeous legs almost fully exposed with each passing step. It had a nice little zip up pocket in the back where I was able to put my key and iPod. Overall, it was just an incredible experience, and I look forward to more adventures in my teeny, tiny shorts. I know it's weird; I know it will make others uncomfortable, but I can't help the way I feel. I love short shorts.

So, ladies, watch out. Not only will you see me flashing some major leg, but if you've got your eyes on the last pair of hot pink shorts at the store, you better be quick, because this mid-life crisis shows no signs of slowing down.

Monday, July 31, 2017

A Spambot Wrote Something Better Than Shakespeare

You know the phrase, if you gave an infinite amount of monkeys an infinite amount of typewriters, eventually, they would recreate the works of Shakespeare. Well, this theory has now been tested in real life, as there are basically infinite spambots posting to infinite websites, and one of these has not only matched Shakespeare, but have far exceeded his works in just one single post. A spambot under the name of Judith Leighton produced this masterpiece that is so beautiful that I have to break it down line by line.

FOOTBALL
What a hook. I like football, so now I must read more. But at this point, if you think you have any idea where this is going, oh man, let me assure you that you have absolutely no idea.

Football is about the several major video game titles trialled around The united states involving NBA 
The beauty of this entire post is that it almost makes sense. Like, upon first read, you're kind of thinking that you read it wrong, but then you read it again, and it is most definitely the fault of the writer, in this case, a Spambot. Like football has video games, and it is around the United States, and it kind of involves basketball, because look at successful tight ends like Jimmy Graham and Antonio Gates. 

The game of basketball, NHL Handbags together with MLB Hockey.
The game of basketball being summed up as NHL Handbags combined with MLB Hockey may be the greatest diss a sport has ever received. It's not real NHL, it's handbag NHL, aka lady NHL, which is a bit sexist. And combining that with major league baseball players participating in hockey.

Your Country wide Footballing Category (NFL) is a specialized North american hockey group in addition to it’s made from thirty-two matchups.
And this is where shit goes off the rails. I really want to start referring to the NFL as "your countrywide footballing category." NFL players really are just a specialized hockey group; can't argue with that.

There are actually two people inside AMERICAN FOOTBAL,
God, I am so excited for you to find out the two people inside American football.

Indigenous Football Summit in addition to Us Little league Summit.
Ah yes, the famous two people, Indigenous Football and Little League Summit. You can't talk pigskin without bringing up these two, battling it out on the court, working to score a goal in the other's home plate purse. Beautiful stuff.

Right now sports is normally the most used activity in north america. The whole number of people of which joined in NFL mmorpgs with 2015 can be 19, 510, 312.
The first sentence shows that Judith clearly knows her sports. It is normally the most used activity. Abnormally, it will not be. But that second sentence has been the one that has really perplexed me. The number of people in the NFL can be 19, 510, or 312. Those are certainly all numbers, but outside of 19 being Joe Montana's number on the Kansas City Chiefs, I cannot think of any significance in the others. I looked up career interception and touchdown leaders, and it's close, but not quite right. Much like Shakespeare, it is impossible to fully understand everything.

Super Run will be the most-watched television plans around National history.
Well, this is something we can all agree on as I am already anticipating the next Super Run. It showed that she's a true sports observer and was the perfect way to end her post. Thank you, Judith Leighton, for trying to get me to click on weird internet sites and using a really bad translator system to do it. I appreciate everything about your post. And for my readers, here is that post in its entirety.

FOOTBALL Football is about the several major video game titles trialled around The united states involving NBA The game of basketball, NHL Handbags together with MLB Hockey. Your Country wide Footballing Category (NFL) is a specialized North american hockey group in addition to it’s made from thirty-two matchups. There are actually two people inside AMERICAN FOOTBAL, Indigenous Football Summit in addition to Us Little league Summit.
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Right now sports is normally the most used activity in north america. The whole number of people of which joined in NFL mmorpgs with 2015 can be 19, 510, 312. Super Run will be the most-watched television plans around National history.