Lukewarm Jonah: It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Wrestlemania season and that means Wrestlemania betting odds. Joe will be there in person, but just in case he wants to pay for his ticket by winning a bunch of bets on one of the most underwhelming Wrestlemania’s in recent memory we’re going to look at the odds for the matches at the grandest stage of em all.
Joe: Let's face it, the WrestleMania 33 card looks like ass on paper. The main events were basically designed to give me the least excitement possible, so if I can't see a great WrestleMania card, maybe I can at least make some money off of this thing. Let's break down the odds and find the best bets for this Sunday.
AJ Styles (1/7) vs. Shane McMahon (11/2):
Lukewarm Jonah: Remember last year when I picked Shane McMahon to win since he had to win in order to continue the storyline? Well they showed me by mentioning it briefly on RAW the next day then never speaking of it again. Anyways, AJ Styles is the best wrestler in the company by far and best all around performer. So he’s been rewarded with dropping the world title and having a match with a non wrestler whose last name is McMahon. If the WWE does anything besides have Styles run over McMahon after Shane jumps off of something they’re stupid. That being said, they are very stupid. I’m still sticking with Styles winning as he pretty much has to, but never doubt a McMahon winning a match for no reason.
Joe: Yeah, AJ Styles pretty much has to win this match. The only conceivable reason that Shane would win is to get AJ on Raw, which I wouldn’t be totally opposed to, but the only reason I won’t boo is if the Mean Street Posse comes out to help Shane win it. Maybe a Shield style triple powerbomb with the help of Joey Abs and Pete Gas?
Neville (4/11) vs. Austin Aries (15/8):
LJ: This should be a fantastic match. I know Joe isn’t a big fan of Aries but he was really coming into his own right as he was hurt. Neville has been great as the King of the Cruiserweights. They should tear the house down and have a really fun match, but I’m actually taking Aries the underdog. He’s fresh and he’s getting big reactions from the crowd. How am I going to bet against the Greatest Man Whoever Lived?
Joe: I am looking forward to this match as this is finally an opportunity for us little guys to shine. The cruiserweight division debuted with a wet fart, but Neville came in to save the day. I think they ride with Neville as the leader for a while longer, and he gives me at least one, “Holy shit” moment.
John Cena and Nikki Bella (1/7) vs. The Miz and Maryse (6/1)
LJ: Miz and Maryse have been carrying this feud like crazy and are doing incredible work. That being said, those odds are probably not long enough for them. Cena and Bella are going to win this match and have a big Wrestlemania moment. There’s a prop bet later that I’d like to talk about, which I think all but ensures Cena and Bella’s win.
Joe: I hope this is the main event, just to give everyone horrific flashbacks to when Miz and Cena main evented a WrestleMania, and it was awful...wait a second, I’m going to be there. This is probably not a wise thing to wish upon myself. I’ll go with Cena and Bella too.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:
Stone Cold Steve Austin
LJ: Always some interesting and fun odds on the Andre The Giant memorial Battle Royal. Good odds on anyone not named Braun Strowman. It’s easy to see why, he’s a monster and he just lost some of his heat by being beaten by Reigns. The two names I’m interested in are two guys who were interesting in the Royal Rumble, Finn Balor and Sami Zyan. I think they hold off on Balor’s return to help Seth out so I’ll go with good old underdog Sami Zyan to win it.
Joe: Looking at this list, it’s pretty shocking how many great wrestlers have nothing important to do at WrestleMania. Braun Strowman has been awesome these past few months, Samoa Joe has been eating people’s hearts, and Sami Zayn is my (insert heart emoji). Oh yeah, there’s also Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, and THE ENTIRE NEW DAY. They should, like, put all of those people in a Money in the Bank match for my own happiness. Instead, they’re probably all in this battle royal, and I guess I’ll go with Sami Zayn, as I don’t see any surprise debut appearances, and eventually Sami Zayn needs to win something.
Kevin Owens (2/7) vs. Chris Jericho (3/1) United States Title Match
LJ: By far the best booked storyline going into Wrestlemania. The Kevin and Chris friendship express was extremely entertaining for months and the Festival of Friendship was one of the best segments in years. Owens is the favorite here since he’s the full time guy and rumor is Jericho might be going on tour with Fozzy soon. I’m actually taking the underdog Jericho here to win and redeem himself by getting revenge on the guy who screwed him over. I’m guessing there’s an Owens destruction the next night on RAW but I’m taking Jericho to pull off the win here.
Joe: This is definitely the most interesting storyline, and that’s because it’s from two of wrestling’s most entertaining performers. Even as a Jerchoholic, I’ll admit, I did not see Jericho having this sort of run again. He has been so phenomenal this past year, and it’s truly incredible that he has found a way to reinvent himself yet again. And that’s not taking anything away from Owens who is relentless in and out of the ring, and he will literally just wear you down with everything he does until you are entertained. Still, Jericho deserves to get one up on Owens so I’m going to agree with you and take Jericho to get the win.
The Club (11/10) vs. Enzo and Big Cass (7/5) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (5/2) RAW Tag Team Title match.
LJ: The Club has been booked terribly since coming to the WWE and they continue their terrible booking by attacking their partners in a handicap match ensuring that they’ll be in a triple threat at Wrestlemania. But Enzo and Big Cass are the picks here, the WWE wants to push them and they should. They’ll give them their Wrestlemania moment of winning the tag team titles here. Probably after The Club lays down and lets them beat them because they’re just tired of carrying them around.
Joe: Well, Monday night, to build interest in this tag match, it was turned into a ladder match, but I was already excited, mostly because it has my man Antonio Cesaro in it. Now that there’s a ladder involved, expect Cesaro to do something incredibly dangerous and/or incredibly strong in this match. I still don’t think him and Sheamus are winning, as I agree that it’s probably time to put the belts on Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady.
Bayley (1/3) vs. Sasha Banks (3/1) vs. Charlotte (8/1) vs. Nia Jax (14/1). RAW Women’s Title match.
LJ: How terribly has this been booked? It’s really how terribly Bayley has been booked. He have a dominant heel champ with a PPV unbeaten streak and the biggest PPV of the year coming up. We also have an organically over babyface in Bayley that basically everyone loves. Let’s have the babyface win the title on RAW by interference, and break the PPV streak at a nothing PPV by interference. Perfect. Anyways,the one part of this feud that’s been booked decently is the fact that Sasha Banks should be turning heel soon and I think she turns heel at Wrestlemania. Charlotte was right this entire time and Banks screws over Bayley at Wrestlemania and takes the title. The good news going forward is that RAW has almost no face women, but hey who cares right?
Joe: I agree that Bayley has been booked terribly, but this is the match that I am most confident in delivering an awesome performance. It’s kind of crazy how much women’s wrestling has changed in the past couple years. Two years ago, Paige had the main women’s match, and I’m pretty sure it was against Nikki Bella but not totally sure. Either way, it was totally forgettable. Of course, two nights before that, Sasha Banks and Charlotte tore it up at the NXT show, and it is absolutely criminal that that match is not available for viewing, because it was pretty damn awesome. Anyway, Charlotte and Sasha Banks are the two best women’s wrestlers around; Bayley isn’t far behind (but she is behind), and Nia Jax plays an important role of just getting to ragdoll little girls like Sasha. But I agree with you, Bruce Springsteen (The Boss) wins the title here.
Alexa Bliss (5/2) vs. Becky Lynch (5/2) vs. Mickie James (6/1) vs. Natalya (9/1) vs. Carmella (14/1) vs. Naomi (5/4) vs. ???
LJ: So, it’s the Smackdown women’s title match Alexa Bliss taking on all available Smackdown women. There are odds on a few more women, and Asuka is one of them at (16/1). The smart money seems to be on Naomi returning and winning the belt she never lost. Becky Lynch is always a threat and Mickie James has some attractive odds as well. Carmella is definitely more likely to win this match than Natalya so I like her odds as well. The “All available Smackdown women” comment from Daniel Bryan has to mean that someone unexpected will win the match. I’ll go with the favorite Naomi to make her return and take back the title.
Joe: Here’s my surprise for Mania. Asuka wins the Smackdown Women’s Title. I think she loses her NXT title on Saturday night, and then makes her surprise debut in this match and wrecks worlds.
Seth Rollins (1/4) vs. Triple H (7/2) Unsanctioned match
LJ: First question, what the hell is an unsanctioned match, and if anyone’s in one why is it the CFO of the company? I honestly don’t know if this means it’s a No DQ match or what, but Rollins should really win. Triple H is always the biggest, toughest, coolest guy in feuds and he’s pretty much dominated Rollins to this point. But Rollins is his guy, Triple H really likes him so I’m going to do something that’s bitten me in the ass before and think that Rollins picks up the win here. He probably gets a Samoa Joe beatdown afterwards to write him off while he recovers, but I think he pulls it out.
Joe: Jonah, don’t you get it? All other WrestleMania matches are sanctioned, but this match, this match is unsanctioned. Triple H wrote up an ironclad contract (thanks to help from Big Johnny) that means that Seth Rollins can’t sue no matter what Triple H does. Triple H is known as The Game. What’s the world’s most dangerous game? That’s right, hunting fellow human beings. Triple H is going to shoot Seth Rollins, but it’ll be fine, because it’s unsanctioned. Seth Rollins still wins, because DAVENPORT, IOWA RULES!
Roman Reigns (2/7) vs. The Undertaker (5/2)
LJ: Don’t worry everybody, the WWE heard your demands for a dream match and put the top face against The Undertaker, that’s right it’s John Cena oh crap I mean Roman Reigns. It’s the Big Dog’s yard now everybody. Also, please call him the Big Dog and wear my super illegally designed Big Dog Roman Reigns shirt while you do it. Rumor has it, this might be The Undertaker’s last match. I don’t think it is, but who knows. It sure looks like this is when Roman Reigns finally turns heel because you know he’s getting booed out of the building if he beats The Undertaker. Instead, Roman probably beats The Undertaker, Taker shakes his hand and passes the torch to him and crowds continue to shit all over it. Big Dog for the win.
Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. I’ll take Undertaker, because he’s due for a win at Mania. He hasn’t gotten one in a year.
Dean Ambrose (+350) vs. Baron Corbin (-600) Intercontinental Title match.
LJ: I’m a little surprised by these odds too. I mean it makes sense that they want to push Corbin as the new monster and give him a good title win, but he dropped a forklift on Ambrose and it sure seems like he should get his revenge. So screw it, I’m going with Ambrose getting that revenge on Corbin and winning at Wrestlemania.
Joe: I’ll agree that these odds are surprising. I thought I could make good money off Corbin, as I think it makes sense for him to win, mostly because a small child could produce more believable offense than Dean Ambrose. So let’s stick with the Lone Wolf to go 2-0 at WrestleManias and make a real run at Undertaker’s streak.
Randy Orton (4/11) vs. Bray Wyatt (13/5) WWE Championship match.
LJ: This is actually a bit of a tough one to call. Orton’s storyline is that he couldn’t beat Bray so he joined on him and then turned on him and burnt down his house. Wyatt got his revenge by rubbing dirt on himself. The conclusion of this storyline should be Orton winning and finally overcoming Wyatt. However, Wyatt just won the title a month ago and is getting very strong reactions. Also, he did get his house burnt down, so the WWE’s 50/50 booking should get the win. It’s a tough one, but I’m taking the favorite Orton. The WWE sure loves them some Randy Orton so he probably gets his redemption and wins the title.
Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. Let’s go with Bray Wyatt winning with help from Sister Abigail who will be portrayed by noneother than Sunny. Now that’s a prediction.
Brock Lesnar (1/9) vs. Goldberg (9/1) WWE Universal Title match.
LJ: Here it is folks your main event of the evening. Which part timer will win the championship? Obviously, Goldberg has completely dominated this feud going back to the time they fought years ago. This means Lesnar basically has to win the belt. At least he can last more than two minutes in a match. The real question is whether he walks out with the belt, or if we get some shenanigans to get the title on someone who actually appears on RAW. Could be at Wrestlemania, could be the next night on RAW, or he could just hold the belt, appear every couple of months and eventually lose it to Roman Reigns.
Joe: Holy shit, they really need Lesnar to win this thing. I hope it’s a shoot and we see who the better real fighter is. But if they want to make it interesting, you have Lesnar win, and then you have the man who never lost the title, Finn Balor, come out, challenge Brock Lesnar to an impromptu match and win the title before the night ends. It makes everybody happy, except for Goldberg’s shirtless child, but judging by that belly, the sweets he’s been eating should keep him fat and happy.
LJ: My favorite prop bet of the night is whether John Cena proposes to Nikki Bella at Wrestlemania. Yes is (4/9) and I’m betting this happens for sure. The angle has been about Nikki Bella being unable to get Cena to propose and you know Cena wants to do it at Wrestlemania. Also, wasn’t The Big Show supposed to fight Shaq? It looks like this match isn’t happening but you can bet on whether or not Shaq (4/1) will appear in the ring at Wrestlemania, so if it does happen you can bet on it and win some money. There’s also a prop bet for whether or not Finn Balor (4/9) appears in a ring and I think that’s almost guaranteed so that’s a safe one too. There are no odds for a Smackdown Tag Team title match, but The Usos will probably retain against American Alpha.
Joe: I’m not sure about prop bets, but I already predicted an appearance from Asuka. Also, I say Hulk Hogan makes his triumphant return, and we also get appearances from The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Vin Diesel. Since there should probably be an NXT guy in the battle royal, I’ll go with Tye Dillinger maybe getting the permanent callup at this point. And finally, I’ll say that Dolph Ziggler pays homage to Rick Rude and air brushes Jake Roberts’s wife on his crotch. Where can I get odds on that?