Thursday, July 6, 2017

Mark Perry and the Changing Arms Race in College Wrestling

It's now been a couple months since Iowa brought Mark Perry back to the school where he wrestled to head up the Hawkeye Wrestling Club. This club is for guys training for international freestyle competition, but its impact already appears as if it will reach far beyond that. The Hawkeye Wrestling Club bringing on Perry may seem like just one extra guy to help out, but it is actually just the first domino in what will help Iowa lead in college wrestling's arms race.

The University of Iowa wrestling team and the Hawkeye Wrestling Club are two distinct entities. They don't even train the same style of wrestling as the Iowa Hawkeyes wrestle folkstyle and the HWC wrestles freestyle. That being said, there is only one wrestling room where these two train, and folkstyle and freestyle isn't that different where the two sides can't help each other out.

Although Perry isn't a coach for the Iowa Hawkeyes, he's still going to be in the room, and he's still going to be helping guys out, even if he isn't on the side of the mat during their matches. Perry was also known as a strong recruiter when coaching college, and even though he can't directly recruit high school wrestlers, he can still be an influential force when they visit campus. He's already helped out in convincing Justin Mejia to commit to Iowa after things fell through with his commitment to Illinois.

The University of Iowa wrestling team is taking full advantage of having another team training for freestyle. The HWC now boasts an impressive collection of talent. They have former Hawkeyes, Nathan Burak, Bobby Telford, Matt McDonough, Dan Dennis, Sammy Brooks, Alex Meyer, and World Team Member, Thomas Gilman. They have also added Nick and Chris Dardanes as well as former NCAA Champion, Jesse Delgado. That last one is the most interesting as it is the earliest benefit of bringing on Perry as Delgado was coached by Perry when he was an assistant at the University of Illinois. With that collection of talent, the lower weights are stacked, the upper weights are in good shape, and the middle weights are solid right now. And speaking of those middle weights, there is a good chance that Isaiah Martinez, a guy who has the chance to be a three-time NCAA Champion this year, comes to the HWC after graduating because of his relationship with Perry. It has the potential to be a ridiculous amount of talent in that wrestling room.

But Iowa isn't alone in this. The elephant in every wrestling room is Penn State, and they're building a formidable group of guys that were formerly coached in college by Cael Sanderson. Ohio State, Oklahoma State, and Nebraska all have brought on a lot of talent with their freestyle wrestling clubs that have benefited the university teams.

In wrestling, there is a limited amount of scholarship money you can hand out to strengthen your team. By having a wrestling club, you are bringing more talent into the room to help your team grow. Iron sharpens iron, and with the Hawkeye Wrestling Club, the University of Iowa has a whole lot more iron at its disposal to help sharpen their wrestling team. 

Monday, July 3, 2017

Reviewing my Fantasy Baseball Sleepers for 2017

Before the season began, I found a guy from each team that I thought would exceed expectations this year. You may be surprised by this, but I did not get them all right. Still, I did get some right, so it's time to go over my successes and failures to see if I'm a genius, or one of those guys that only gets called genius sarcastically. Let's break it down division by division.

AL East: 2-3
Baltimore Orioles - Dylan Bundy
His ERA and record are both respectable, but all of the underlying stats say that things are going to continue to go downhill for him after a strong start. He's been fine, but my lack of confidence in his future makes me mark this down as a loss.

Boston Red Sox - Eduardo Rodriguez
When he's been in, he's been pretty solid. He had a knee injury, but should be back from that soon. Not spectacular, but a solid late round contribution from the guy, so I think it's enough to mark this down as a victory.

New York Yankees - Gary Sanchez
He's a stud catcher that was worthy of reaching early, especially as he gets more playing time in the second half. I know it hasn't been phenomenal yet, but it's still been pretty great.

Tampa Bay Rays - Jake Odorizzi
Odorizzi has been blah, which means I've got to say, "Nah."

Toronto Blue Jays - Troy Tulowitzki
Stick a fork in him; he's done.

AL Central: 2-3
Chicago White Sox - Tim Anderson
Yeah, he hasn't been good at all, but he's kept his job, so at least he's gotten plenty of chances to be incompetent.

Cleveland Indians - Cody Allen
He was rated too low for what would be a good closer. He has been a good closer. That's good enough.

Detroit Tigers - Justin Upton
Justin Upton has been pretty damn good this year. Nice job, Justin Upton.

Kansas City Royals - Jorge Soler
Fun fact: I will draft Jorge Soler for at least the next five years, based solely on Joe Maddon once calling him Vladimir Guerrero with more plate discipline. I thought it was an outrageous comment then, but I still can't get it out of my head. This will ruin me for years to come.

Minnesota Twins - Byron Buxton
He was historically bad to start the year, but at least he's improved to just bad at this point in the year.

AL West: 2-3
Houston Astros - Lance McCullers
Outside of a little injury trouble, McCullers has been a stud, so this one makes me look really smart.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - Ben Revere
With the Mike Trout injury, he has had a decent amount of playing time. He has not been good in that playing time.

Oakland Athletics - Marcus Semien
Got hurt; has barely played. I'd still recommend snagging him when he comes off the DL if you need some middle infield help.

Seattle Mariners - Mike Zunino
Zunino still doesn't have a great average, but it's not awful, and he's producing solid power. He's a respectable catching option that you could have gotten at the very end of the draft, so I feel pretty good about this one.

Texas Rangers - Nomar Mazara
Mazara has basically been doing exactly what he did last year, which is not what I was hoping for from him, so even though he's been okay, I expected more than okay.

NL East: 1-4
Atlanta Braves - Brandon Phillips
Still providing a nice average with some decent counting stats, just as I predicted. Nice work, Mr. Phillips.

Miami Marlins - Adam Conley
He's been bad. Total bust. I really hope you didn't listen to me on this one.

New York Mets - Travis d'Arnaud
Travis d'Arnaud hasn't been too bad, but I also don't think he's been good enough to be a reliable starting catcher on fantasy teams, so I'd have to mark this as a loss.

Philadelphia Phillies - Aaron Nola
Aaron Nola had to be special for this one to pay off. Aaron Nola has not been special.

Washington Nationals - Shawn Kelley
Like, right after I wrote this, word came down that Kelley was unlikely to be the closer. And he's just been awful this year, so this may be my worst pick out of all 30.

NL Central2-3
Chicago Cubs - Jason Heyward
Well, he's better than last year, but that's not saying much, so I can't take any credit on this one.

Cincinnati Reds - Devin Mesoraco
For a catcher, he hasn't really been bad, but he also hasn't played enough to make an actual impact. Nobody is actually going to carry Mesoraco on their fantasy team and call it a success, so that makes it a failure.

Milwaukee Brewers - Keon Broxton 
The average isn't strong, but I wouldn't have expected it to be. But considering that he is in the teens for both home runs and stolen bases already, this one is definitely a win.

Pittsburgh Pirates - Tyler Glasnow
2-6 record with an ERA over 7.00. Yeah, not my best work.

St. Louis Cardinals - Kolten Wong
The counting stats aren't great, but he's hitting over .300, and when he gets healthy, he'll start racking up enough counting stats to be relevant, so I'm counting this as a win.

NL West: 1-4
Arizona Diamondbacks - Robbie Ray
Hell yeah, Robbie Ray is striking out fools and keeping a good ERA in a hitter's park. Robbie Ray is the man.

Colorado Rockies - Jonathan Gray
He's barely pitched this year, but the early results are promising. Still, he's barely pitched this year, which means this sleeper has not awoken to become a beast.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Julio Urias
Urias had major surgery already this year, so that tends to not be a great sign for success.

San Diego Padres - Travis Jankowski
He had a poor start to the year, followed by a foot injury, but hey, at least all of his value isn't derived from his speed.

San Francisco Giants - Matt Moore
ERA over 6.00; I'll still probably take a chance on him next year. I can't quit Matt Moore.

As you can tell, my results were, uh...not good. My goal going in was .500, and I thought maybe I'd have up to a 60% success rate. I didn't come close to those numbers; in fact, I wasn't even at .500 for a single division. Instead, I ended up at 10-20, which is simply bad if we're being honest. But now that I have set an incredibly low bar for this exercise, I feel confident that I can exceed expectations next year. 11-19, here I come!

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Ultimate Warrior in WCW: What Went Wrong?

Ultimate Warrior is one of the greatest wrestling characters in history. No, he was not the most technically gifted performer, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was totally awesome. He was not a totally awesome as a person, because, really, his thoughts on homosexuals is still far more offensive than Hulk Hogan saying a racial slur in private (neither is good). There are so many things you can talk about with the Ultimate Warrior, but I would like to focus on the most stupid one: His late career run in WCW. Spoiler alert: It was so bad.

WCW had one goal when they brought in the Ultimate Warrior, and that was to play to all of his weaknesses. The Ultimate Warrior was never very good at speaking.

The WWE did their best to hide this weakness by only letting him do backstage promos for 30 second stretches where he could just be super energetic without having to actually make sense in anything that he said.

Of course, WCW gave him live promos where he was forced to give long, drawn out speeches. Ultimate Warrior's schtick worked best in quick bursts of nonsense, long diatribes of nonsense only worked great at killing a crowd. So his debut definitely involved Warrior going on for twenty minutes where he accused Hulk Hogan of shitting his pants. Grade A work.

Ultimate Warrior wasn't really a wrestler, at least not a competent one; he was a body. The WWE displayed that body, and even though the Warrior had lost some size later on in his career, he was still jacked by any measurement. Still, the WCW put him in jeans, a duster, and wrestling boots. Ultimate Warrior's greatest attribute as a professional wrestler was just looking like The Ultimate Warrior. WCW decided to cover him up.

Finally, Ultimate Warrior had one of the best entrances in pro wrestling history. They gave him metal music and had him sprint down to the ring. Instead they made this his theme, and gave him a trap door to rise into the ring from. So instead of sprinting in, kicking ass, and sprinting out, he came through a trap door and escaped through a trap door like a coward. Ultimate Warrior should never be using nefarious ways to escape; he should be clotheslining his way out of every situation. In fact, that is how WCW should have brought him back. Just send him to every day activities, and have him clothesline his way through DMV lines, body press a car to change a tire, and give a big splash to a tarantula. That would have been awesome.

He only had three matches, and only one singles match. We'll start there with the most overbooked match in wrestling history, Hogan vs. Warrior II, Electric Boogaloo. It was two wrestlers who were well past their prime, who were never known for their in-ring work, and they tried to recreate magic from nearly a decade earlier. It did not go well. There was the flame paper that Hogan tried to throw at Warrior, and that, uh, didn't come close to working properly. Then, Hogan won the match with help from Horace, who had just left the flock to be outed as Hogan's nephew. Honestly, by that point, I think everyone in the crowd was just happy it was over.

The second match Warrior had actually could have been cool as he tagged with his old tag partner, Sting, to take on Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan. I say it could have been cool had they actually had four of the most popular professional wrestlers in history just have a match, because by just having those guys out there, the crowd would have been way into it. Instead, they managed to put on one of the worst tag matches ever. Sting got beat up for five minutes, finally made the tag to Warrior, who never took off his stupid airbrushed duster jacket and cleaned house until the nWo interfered a minute later. Then Warrior filled the ring with smoke so he could escape.

His final match was a 3 on 3 on 3 match where he was on Team WCW with Roddy Piper and DDP to take on Team nWo Black and White with Hogan, Bret Hart, and Stevie Ray, and nWo Wolfpack with Kevin Nash, Lex Luger, and Sting. Yes, Sting, the ultimate WCW guy, was in that weird stage where he just up and decided he was no longer brooding, and wore red face paint. It was a 25 minute match, and Warrior was out there for three minutes, but they at least finally let him run down to the ring, and the crowd went crazy for it. He also tore apart the cage to get to Hogan, which would eventually lead to...nothing. Warrior was never seen or heard from again.

Ultimate Warrior's run in WCW was one giant missed opportunity. You were never going to recreate the magic of WrestleMania VI, but they could have still done some really fun things with him. Instead, they played to his weaknesses and let that initial excitement turn to apathy. It was almost a relief when Warrior disappeared, especially since he didn't need a trap door to do it.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Antwun Echols and the Curse of Being a Good Boxer

I was watching the documentary, Counterpunch, on Netflix this past week, and as I was following these three boxers at different stages of their career, it sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole of boxers. It took a lot of twists and turns and eventually led me to the Wikipedia page for Antwun Echols. Now unless you are a hardcore boxing fan or from Davenport, Iowa, that name probably doesn't mean anything to you. But I'm a part of that latter group, so I remember him coming up and being one hell of a boxer.

And he was. After losing his very first fight, he would go on to lose once in his next 24 fights. That was enough for him to earn a shot at Bernard Hopkins, who he took the distance but Echols lost the decision. He ended up winning his next two fights to get another shot at Hopkins, but this time he was stopped in the tenth round. Still, that's Bernard Hopkins, one of the greatest fighters of his generation and Echols was competitive in both fights.

Even after that, he managed to win seven of his next eight fights, winning the NABF Super Middleweight Title but losing his chance at the WBA Super Middleweight Title. Still, at this point, he had amassed a 31-5-1 record which isn't going to make him one of the greats, but it's still a pretty damn good career. 

Unfortunately, Echols career continued, as he has had another 22 fights since then. Echols was no longer the young up-and-comer who was smashing stepping stones on his way to title shots. Now, he was the stepping stone, continually put against top prospects. The fights got worse and worse as he went from losing decisions to losing by knockout. He has gone 1-18-3 in those last 22 fights. His one win was against a fighter who had a record of 0-8-2, but Fred Thomas is now 1-15-2, so Echols may have been lucky to meet him before Thomas reached his prime. Probably his most impressive accomplishment in this run is getting knocked out in the third round in seven consecutive fights, a streak that was ended when he lost in 8 seconds in his last fight.

As if that wasn't bad enough, during this run of awful fights, he was also shot in the leg trying to break up a fight. Then, he was immediately arrested at the hospital for possession of crack and failure to pay child support.

And about that child support, despite being busy with a boxing career, that did not stop Echols from getting busy in other ways. In 2013, Echols said in an interview that he "thinks" he has 23 kids. Maybe saddest of all, but definitely most delusional of all, is that when Echols was on a run of 1-14-3, he still had title aspirations

Echols had a great career, fighting for multiple championships but never bringing home the big time titles. Then he had a second career as a punching bag, and nobody was there to tell him that even if the money was decent, it's not a real career. But promoters were willing to keep giving him opportunity, because he was a good name in the boxing community. It didn't matter that he was no longer the same guy; it was actually better. He was the perfect stepping stone. The guy has clearly taken so much damage that he's susceptible to being knocked out by anyone, and that is exactly what's happened.

This story is about Antwun Echols, but it could easily be about dozens of other boxers that hang on for far too long with nobody around them willing or convincing enough to step in and stop them. Antwun Echols rose up from nothing to make something of himself through boxing. Now it appears that boxing will bring him right back to where he started. It's nearly impossible to see a happy ending to this story, so at this point, I'm just hoping for one that isn't tragic.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl For All - Part 6

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

It all started with Marc Mero getting beaten up by Steve Blackman. Blackman never lost, but that doesn't mean he made the finals. We continued with Dan Severn beating up The Godfather, but Severn also dropped out of the tournament. We then went on to the second round where Bradshaw also beat Marc MeroFinally, we made it to the semifinals, where Bart Gunn gave The Godfather his second loss of the tournament. Finally, Bart Gunn completed his amazing tournament by knocking out Bradshaw. 

And even though last time we were able to crown a champion, that's not truly where Brawl For All ended. Because it was such a massive failure, why not extend it for one more match, six months later? Maybe in six months you can get nostalgia for something nobody enjoyed? Add a super fat guy, and you've got a recipe for success.

This was not Butterbean's first foray into a WWE ring, as about a year and a half earlier, he took on Marc Mero in a boxing match that was clearly a work, as Butterbean was taking cheap shots on Mero, and Mero was raking eyes with boxing gloves and choking Mr. Bean with tape. Outside of the WWE Network, the only place to watch it is an incredibly obscure website dedicated to Brock Lesnar and Sable. That's probably for the best.

But that leads us to our main event, the greatest fight of all time, Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn. Since Bart Gunn won Brawl For All in August, he used that to catapult his career to...uh...honestly, even more irrelevance than ever. Like, it's truly incredible how irrelevant he became. After winning Brawl For All, he had one wrestling match before his fight with Butterbean, a Hardcore Title match he lost to Bob Holly in February of 1999.

So, yeah, people were jacked for this Butterbean fight. Now of course a fight of this magnitude could only be settled at the Grand Daddy of Them All, WrestleMania XV. Bart Gunn now had a nickname, as he was now Bart "The Hammer" Gunn. How do you not make your name The Nail? Nailgun? Come on, it's too easy. When it comes to nicknames, I guess you could say I "Nailed" it.

You're probably not going to believe this, but the wrestler who has dabbled in punching did not fare too well against the World Champion Boxer. The fight started with Butterbean throwing a two-punch combo that LITERALLY spun Bart Gunn around. And things actually got worse from there. Butterbean started attacking the body just to set up a body-head combo that knocked Gunn loopy before Butterbean knocked him down. Bart Gunn got up, and Bart Gunn really shouldn't have gotten up.
Yeah, that body-head combo got him again.

Basically, Bart Gunn trained boxing casually where Butterbean was an actual boxer. It would be like Conor McGregor trying to fight Floyd Mayweather, and yes, trust me, when that match goes down, McGregor has less than a zero percent chance of winning. But even though McGregor has no chance of being a Boxing Champion, he actually currently holds a much MUCH more prestigious title.

Conor McGregor is your current WWE Brawl For All Lineal Champion. This is clearly why Floyd Mayweather wants this fight. The chance to retire with the greatest title in all of combat sports is too much for him to pass up. Yes, Floyd claims that he only cares about money, but the Brawl For All Title is truly priceless.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Which US Wrestlers Should Transition to MMA?

The United States World Team Trials for freestyle wrestling happened last weekend, and, as always, it was one of the most underrated sporting events of the year. Incredible battles with incredible drama led to this being one of the most memorable team trials in recent history. Some guy's dreams came true, while far more were left with bitter disappointment. But disappointment can lead to opportunity, so I wanted to take a look to find out who would best transition from the sport of wrestling to the sport of mixed martial arts.

I'm only going to be looking at guys who fell short at the trials, because the guys who won clearly have some wrestling left to do in their careers. I also won't be including guys still in college, as I don't see any wrestler abandoning wrestling altogether at that age. So let's start at 57 KG (pounds will be put in their likely weight class as opposed to the exact KG equivalent) and work our way up.

57 KG - Nahshon Garrett (125 pounds)
Garrett hasn't had a great transition from folkstyle to freestyle, as this year he was on the losing end of a technical fall in his first match against Alan Waters, followed by a decision loss to Darian Cruz. Still, Garrett is an explosive athlete that can absolutely overwhelm opponents. In college, he would overwhelm opponents with his athleticism. With that sort of style, he could make an immediate impact in mixed martial arts, and considering the athlete that he is, it's not hard to envision him becoming good in all aspects of fighting. Of course, considering he got an education from Cornell, it wouldn't be surprising if he was too smart to get in the fight game.

61 KG - Joe Colon (135 pounds)
Colon is another guy who struggled at the team trials, as he went 1-2, only managing a win over NCAA runner-up, Seth Gross. But again, his struggles in freestyle do not take away from his incredible physicality. Colon is the type of wrestler that can simply overwhlem his opponents. His freestyle technique is nowhere near the best, but that technique will still be better than anybody he faces in MMA, and it's the physicality that will put him over the top.

65 KG - Jordan Oliver (145 pounds)
Unlike everyone else on this list, Oliver did not compete at the US Team Trials, but that was due to a drug suspension as opposed to not being good enough. I mean, with a drug suspension already on his record, he's basically living that MMA lifestyle already. Also, Oliver has consistently fell short of representing the United States in international competition. At first, Brent Metcalf got the better of him, then it was Molinaro, and now, when he had his best shot, he got popped for performance enhancing drugs, and Zain Retherford looks to be the guy taking over the weight class. I think it's time for a change of competition if he wants to make an impact in athletics.

70 KG - Dylan Ness (155 pounds)
Dylan Ness is funk personified. He is incredible at getting in the weirdest possible positions and somehow always coming out in an advantageous spot. No one has shown this sort of funk acumen since Ben "Funky" Askren. Now, Ness is not the wrestler that Askren was, but Askren has shown the blueprint for how to transition his skillset into mixed martial arts. Was it all just the wrestling of Askren that led him to greatness, or are funky wrestlers better at translating their skills to fighting? I would love to see Ness give it a go so we could find out.

74 KG - Kyle Dake (170 pounds)
74 KG is likely the most loaded weight class for potential MMA superstars. Jordan Burroughs could be amazing, but after pulling off another victory at the trials, he was ineligible for this list as he definitely has some more wrestling in his future. Isaiah Martinez is an absolute beast, but he's still in college, so he has some growth to do. I went back and forth on the last two guys, but eventually went with Kyle Dake over Alex Dieringer. Dieringer is still young and seemed to close the gap on Dake, so he very well may be the future of the weight class when Burroughs retires. Of course, he may never be able to pass up Dake, as it is not like Dake doesn't still have some strong years in him. Still, I went with Dake as "Kid Dynamite" would simply be too much fun to see in MMA. Dake is not only explosive, but even in college, he was smart enough to do whatever it took to win, never worrying about being the most exciting guy, just being concerned with being the best. I would love to see him transition that wrestling acumen to fighting.

86 KG - David Taylor (185 pounds)
I cannot imagine David Taylor making the transition to MMA, but it'd be pretty cool if he did.

97 KG - Kyven Gadson (205 pounds)
Gadson is the last American to beat super human wrestling machine, Kyle Snyder, but Snyder showed that things have changed quite a bit in the last two years. With Snyder around, there really isn't any future for Gadson to represent the United States. Still, you'd have trouble finding a wrestler with a much higher ceiling than Gadson. His biggest issue has always been consistency. Although he's not Kyle Snyder, he's still really good at wrestling, and he has the skills to give a lot of people trouble in what isn't all that deep of a weight class.

125 KG - Tony Nelson (HWT)
So right now the best choice would seem to be Nick Gwiazdowski, but since he's busy dominating the American Heavyweight division in wrestling, I had to move on to someone else. Although I wanted to be a homer and go for former Hawkeye, Bobby Telford, I think the former Golden Gopher, Tony Nelson is probably the best choice. Looking at the heavyweight division, I feel like Nelson could be a top-10 UFC heavyweight within a couple years.

Wrestling is the world's toughest sport, and that is why wrestlers do such a good job when moving to mixed martial arts. I have no doubt that if these guys would do great if they decided to make the transition. 

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Matters of Size Is the Only Penis Exercise Motivation You Need

Occasionally, the blogging gods will look down on you and smile. Last week was one of those times as I got a notification of a new Twitter follower. Although @MoSNetwork meant little to me at first glance, I then saw the name attached, Matters of Size. I then saw the profile, and my interest was officially piqued when I read the following:

A BROTHERHOOD of over 150,000 men exploring men's issues & natural male enhancement exercises on the world famous MOS Forums.

I thought for sure that would be the best part, but then I saw the profile picture, and I nearly spit all over myself.
That is just...that's amazing. The overly gelled hair, the earring, the chain, and that extra thick t-shirt. And that's before we go to the face where he is making a face I didn't know really existed, but without words, he seems to be saying "Hey, are you going to eat that earwax?"

And the tweets? The tweets are all incredible. Like, this man puts out more gold in a week than the best accounts do in a month. Here are the best tweets from a quick scroll down the timeline.
This is important, because you can only talk about penis size so much. Occasionally, the MoSNetwork needs to show that they're just some regular guys, paling around, talking about the big game. Just normal fella stuff.

When it comes to matters involving the penis, I would say that some of the worst advice possible is keep grinding. Rubbing, sure. Caressing? Oh yeah. Find a partner and have some fun? Well, that one sounds great in theory, but a little harder to pull off in practice. Still, though. Sometimes I don't feel motivated, and I am really doubting that grinding my dick is the answer.

Because it's all about getting a bigger penis, get it?

Best Father's Day gift ever! I seriously can't stop laughing about this tweet. I have been trying to come up with a situation where a son would give this as a gift to his father. Like, first, the son has to have had something happen to lead him to the MoSNetwork. But then, on top of that, their father must be so mentally unstable that he talks to his son about how badly he wishes his penis was bigger. Like, this conversation would have had to have happened at some point.

Son: Great news, Dad. I got you a new pitching wedge.
Dad (stares off into the distance): That's great, son.
Son: What's wrong?
Dad: A pitching wedge? It just reminds me of how sad it is when I pitch a pants tent, and it's driving a wedge between me and potential mates.
Son: Wait, what?
Dad: I wish I had a bigger penis. If only there was a way...
Son: There is.
(Dad gives shocked expression with single tear of joy rolling down his face)

Well, I guess when you put it like that, it's pretty beautiful.

Thank you, Matters of Size. Without even going to your website, you have already given me plenty of content. Out of all of the penis exercise motivation websites that I've come across, I rank yours number one (out of one). Keep grinding.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl For All - Part 5

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

It all started with Marc Mero getting beaten up by Steve Blackman. Blackman never lost, but that doesn't mean he made the finals. We continued with Dan Severn beating up The Godfather, but Severn also dropped out of the tournament. We then went on to the second round where Bradshaw also beat Marc Mero. Finally, we made it to the semifinals, where Bart Gunn gave The Godfather his second loss of the tournament.

And now we have made it to the finals of the tournament. Bart Gunn made it there by annihilating his opponents, and Bradshaw made it there through cheating and very friendly scorecards, but they both made it there.

Bradshaw actually came out with a good strategy as he connected with a few straight jabs to start off the fight. Then Bart Gunn started swinging wild hooks, so Bradshaw decided to start swinging wild hooks; this was a less good strategy on Bradshaw's part. What immediately became clear was that Bradshaw was throwing pillows while Gunn was throwing bombs. It did not help that Bradshaw basically started throwing both his left and right hand at once, and there's a reason you've never seen that in professional fighting; it's because it doesn't work. And with both hands away from protecting his head, Bart Gunn decided to throw a hook at his head. It connected, Bradshaw fell on his face, managed to get up at an eight count, then Bart Gunn did it again. The whole thing only lasted 41 seconds, and Bart Gunn was your first ever Brawl For All Champion.

My favorite part was Jim Ross remarking after the fight, "Are you gonna see this anywhere else?" And it's kind of an amazing comment as, yes, you could watch Toughman Contests, which is basically what the WWE wanted this tournament to be. Or, you could watch the UFC, which had guys who would absolutely annihilate anyone in this tournament.

And that concludes the Brawl For All tournament. It was not good, but it was strangely fascinating. Like, I thought for sure that Dr. Death would dominate this tournament, and had the rules been more conducive to grinding for a takedown as opposed to only allowing a blast double, he might have done that. After that, I'm still wondering how tough Steve Blackman really was and whether Marc Mero, a traditional boxer, could have given Bart Gunn trouble since his biggest weakness was just stopping takedowns. It was fascinating; it was not good.

Oh, and even though the tournament is over. There is still a part 6 to look forward to (or dread, depending on your stance). We bring a ringer to the ring to see if anyone can stop the dominance of Bart Gunn.