The Balance Between Having Fun and Being Happy

I was a damn good time back in the day. My friends will attest that I reliably came up with good ideas and had the total lack of care for consequences to provide great memories for myself and those around me.

I am not a fun person anymore. Now my friends will attest that I truly suck as the things I did a decade ago do not even come close to happening these days. You won’t find me taking shots; instead, I’ll drink nearly as much water as I consume in alcoholic beverages. I won’t be the last one partying; instead, I’ll be the first one awake. I’ll probably go for a run, because my water consumption has led to me only feeling below average instead of horrifically hungover.

In short, I suck at fun.

Young me would be appalled at this turn of events. I mean, isn’t life all about having as much fun as possible? That’s what I thought for a long time, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that the effort for fun usually isn’t what actually makes me happy. Sure, for big occasions, I go hard, especially if it’s prominently day drinking, because staying up late is a real hassle especially since I don’t have the availability or the charm to bring home a young vixen.

So now I just chill. And it’s actually pretty great. It’s not exciting. It’s not Instagrammable. But it’s good. I hang with my wife, dog, and child, and all of them bring smiles to my face. It’s the simplest things that now bring me joy. Getting a single beer at a brewery with the entire family is a wild time for me these days. Usually, it’s less exciting than that. Just watching my son eat meals is amazing, because he feeds himself, he gets a tremendous kick out of feeding the dog, and then I snack on his leftovers while his Mommy cleans him up. It’s a win-win-win-win. It would mean nothing to anyone else, and it puts the biggest smile on my face.

So I have come to grips with a life that leads to few fun activities and even fewer adventures. I’m straight up boring...and happy. So I’m good with it.

A Tiny Asian Woman Gave Me the Key to Happiness

The other day I took Casey The Dog to the park so we could both get some fresh air and stretch our legs. Casey had adoring fans all over the park who thought she was such a good looking dog, so cute, and so sweet; three compliments I never receive myself.

After talking with how cute Casey was to a mother with her two small children, they walked away as Casey stared down a squirrel. When she got bored with that, I turned around and a small (definitely under 5 feet tall) Asian woman appeared out of thin air. I had pretty good sight lines all around me, but somehow she snuck up on me.

She was smiling and seemed friendly, and yes, I understand that typing that sentence makes me sound like I'm talking about a stray dog, but weird shit happens to me, so I've learned to embrace it. I'm an incredibly approachable person, because I'm 150 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal, and I rarely wear underwear. So my new friend struck up a conversation with me.

Although she had a heavy accent, she was committed to teaching me. And teach me she did. I found out that the key to happiness is a simple phrase that, if repeated, will take all of your troubles away. We went over this phrase together repeatedly, and I wasn't sure if we were ever going to part ways, or if I was going to just keep chanting Nam-Myo-Ho-Ren-Ge-Kyo until the end of time. But she had such a happy demeanor, I really wasn't anxious to get away, no matter how many times we repeatedly went through the phrase. I was achieving inner peace.

Finally, Casey The Dog saw a squirrel, and we were forced to part ways. When I turned around, she was gone, leaving me with nothing but this card.

Why Perfect Isn't Always Best

I have been married for nearly two years, and things have been great. I love my wife a whole bunch, and unless she's playing some sort of long-con, she loves me a whole bunch too. As I mentioned earlier this week, I am not my wife's type, but this also made me realize that my wife isn't really my type either. As a single guy, there is no way I would have described my wife's traits. This will surprise no one, but I would have given a very shallow and idiotic response if somebody asked me what I wanted in my future mate. The things I thought were important do not match up with my wife at all. Had I been asked to create a future wife in a lab, I would have messed it up so bad and probably would hate my creation within a week. Here are all of the characteristics my wife does not possess that single me thought were important.

Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is very important to me, as I fancy myself a fairly witty individual. My wife has a good sense of humor, but she does not find me funny. She doesn't laugh at my jokes, as she usually just rolls her eyes and calls me an idiot. I want that approval so bad, but she is very rare to give it out. She is far more entertained by me just saying and doing random things, which is a pretty nice thing. Still, as a single guy, I would have thought that I would have needed a girl who found everything I said to be hilarious (because it is), but I will admit it does feel good when what I say actually does make her laugh, as I crave that approval. Even when that happens, she is still quick to point out that I'm an idiot.

Height
I'm not a tall guy (5'9"), so I definitely have a Napoleon complex in nearly all aspects of my life. This is what partially led me to train in mixed martial arts. I knew I couldn't be bigger, but I have always wanted to feel bigger. It seemed logical to find someone shorter than me so I could at least have a decent height advantage on my mate. I thought 5'6" was about max height I would go for. Instead, my wife is about half an inch shorter than me. I have a height advantage, but just barely. I did make sure that she wore flats for our wedding, so I could at least have a height advantage on my special day. I never thought I would end up with a lady that tall, but at least I have a chance of producing a child that is 6'0" tall.

Age
I definitely thought I'd marry someone younger than me. That seems to be the traditional way of doing things, and it seemed good enough for me. Of course, the world is a-changin, and my wife is a year, a month, and a day older than me, so she's basically ancient. I never let her forget this fact.

Nice
Now don't get me wrong, my wife is a nice person. She cares about people and is unselfish, which is all well and good. However, I really wanted someone who would build up my incredibly high self-esteem. Instead, she is there to beat me back down to reality every chance she gets. It is very easy for me to get lost in my own cockiness, but she is there to remind me of any and every fault that I have. I really thought I would find a girl who was there to constantly be in awe of me, but it's probably best for the entire human population that I have someone to keep me in check.

Cooking
Growing up, I thought that my woman would cook and clean (and yes, I thought of them as a possession at that time). My wife does the latter, but she did not come equipped with the former (she has made tremendous strides). But I'm actually kind of happy that I do the cooking. This means that I always eat what I want to eat. If I feel like steak tacos, I can have steak tacos. If I feel like ground turkey tacos, I can have ground turkey tacos. Chicken tacos? Yep, any time I want. I really like tacos, but I also like other stuff, so I can whip up a Chicky Chicky Parm Parm, a whole beef brisket, or deep fry some things for funsies. I want to eat what I want to eat, so by doing most of the cooking, I get to do that, and that is pretty awesome.

Party Girl
This was by far my dumbest inclination. I used to be young and dumb and figured I would want to get wasted every weekend, and my significant other should be ready for a life of hard partying. Now, I am way more into fitness and would rather not feel like shit in the morning. I am a special occasions drinker. If something big is going down, then I'll party hard, but if it's just a regular night out, I'll gladly be the designated driver. There is no beer in our house, because I don't really care for casual beers; water and milk are good by me. My wife does party more consistently than me, but we're pretty cool just hanging out with the dog and going out for non-drinking nights out. I know that sounds uncool, but it makes us happy, and I'm not too worried about living out what someone else thinks we should be doing. I'm glad my wife is a chill lady.

Seduction
Now, I didn't want to be seduced, but I wanted to take pride in my ability to seduce my chosen target. This did not happen. I had to use the classic tight rope act of wearing my wife down without getting arrested for harassment. I walked that tight rope to perfection, but I wouldn't say she was ever seduced, more worn down with logic of letting her know, "Hey broad, we should be together." I would like my wife to be amazed at my charm and seduction skills, but I made it to the end goal, and that's all that really matters.

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So I've tried to put a positive spin on the fact that my wife does not possess the qualities that I thought I wanted in my mate, but just in case that isn't clear, I wanted to point out that my wife is super awesome. I mean, she is totally, 100% out of my league. Also, she has the one attribute that I wanted above all else.

Happiness
My wife makes me happy. Honestly, it's tough to point out specific characteristics about my wife that I love, because things don't stand out, it's just that I really have trouble finding fault in any of her actions. And that's what it comes down to. Being with her is easy. I don't have to try, but she still thinks I'm cool to be around, and I thoroughly enjoy our time together.

And that's the whole point of this. None of these qualities really matter. If somebody makes you happy, and they feel the same way about you, hold onto it. My life is better sharing it with someone that I really care about, and I got lucky and found someone who is dumb enough to genuinely care about me. That's really neat (Also, nothing wrong with being single and happy; it's way better than being with someone who doesn't make you happy). As always, just try to be happy and everything else will take care of itself.