Nobody Can Possibly Be Mad About This

Anytime my hometown of Davenport, Iowa is in the news, it is for something shockingly stupid. D-Port Represent! The most recent example is no exception as we have an argument over free speech or hate speech. You can check out the full article here, but I can also sum it up fairly easily. Local man has too much time and snow on his hands so he builds a snowman who is both chainsawing and gunning down Bernie Sanders and a random democratic supporter. Also the attacker has a can of Busch Light, because of course he does; it’s Iowa. 

On top of that, he put up a political sign, “Hesseltine 2020” just so everybody knows who did it. 

And, of course, people are outraged. Someone might see the military snowman, down a 30 of Busch Light and chainsaw a democratic presidential candidate in half, I guess? It’s all so stupid. It reminds me of Iowa Hawkeye fans getting mad because Stanford made fun of Iowa during halftime of the Rose Bowl. Like, nobody could actually be mad about that, right? Yet, somehow people are. 

And Donald Hesseltine openly admits that he is just trolling people. Here are some of his quotes:

“I put it up there to mess with them.”

“It’s just to make people cry I guess.”

“They’re crying so I win.”

Okay, let’s take a moment and recognize that, “They’re crying so I win” is a slogan that could probably sell millions of dollars worth of merchandise. 

But it’s all just so stupid. And since everyone in Iowa knows each other, I do need to point out that Donnie was a friend of mine in high school, and I would have no issue grabbing a beer with him if I was back in Iowa. But he’s clearly a troll; he’s always been a troll, just doing shit to make people mad, and I think he would even point that out himself. He is doing nothing to hide the fact that he thought it would be funny to make people mad, and people are still getting mad about this stupid shit which turned something that maybe 100 people would have seen into something that millions of people have seen. 

So, please, don’t get mad at the snowmen, because they have different political opinions than you. Just ignore those men of snow and focus on...literally anything else. 

D-Port Represent!