Iowa Basketball and the NCAA Tournament

Recently, I've had a few posts about Iowa wrestling. It's always fun to talk about Iowa wrestling, as they are always one of the top five teams in the nation. Iowa basketball is far different. Although they spent some time as one of the five best teams in the nation, they have come back to Earth. Actually, they've crashed back to Earth. In fact, it seems that they've crashed through the Earth to a bottomless pit where they just keep falling and falling...and falling. But let's get excited and talk about Iowa basketball.

Iowa has basically been the same team for 2/3 of the season. The only weird part about that is they were the same team in the first third as they have been in the final third, but they mixed in 1/3 of the season where they destroyed everything in their path and looked like a legitimate national title contender. If they are that team for the tournament, they're going to set the world on fire. If they are the team that they have been at the beginning and end of the season, they might win one game, but let's face it, they'll probably find a way to lose their first game.

And oh, man, does this team LOVE to find ways to lose. A common theme in losses is getting cold for a while, digging themselves a massive hole, somehow catching fire and taking the lead, only to fall apart in the final few minutes. I saw this in person when they played Notre Dame in Orlando, and it is also how they got eliminated in the B1G Tournament. But don't worry, they can also lead an entire game, only to blow it at the very end. The most egregious example of this is their game against Iowa State. A prominent theme in nearly every loss they have had this season is a total lack of contributions from their bench. Fran McCaffery loses faith pretty early in anybody from the bench unit outside of Dom Uhl, and the starters get fatigued which leads to a very up-and-down performance that inevitably is down at the worst possible moment.

And that's really what the NCAA Tournament is going to come down to: Bench play. The only game where Iowa actually got good bench contributions and lost was their second game against Indiana. If the bench can give them solid minutes, they can give anybody a run for their money. Uhl is the star of the bench, but that's really not saying much. Ahmad Wagner is the only other guy that can compete inside, but he has limited upside because of his lack of size. Baer is the best bench scorer, but even that praise only really tells you that he's inconsistent but at least he's always willing to try to make something happen. Christian Williams had one nice game, and the backup shooting guards have looked lost all year, so maybe they're ready to break out? There's four seniors in the starting lineup, and I cannot imagine Iowa not being one of the worst B1G teams next year.

And about that starting lineup, it really has everything that you would want. Woodbury and Uthoff give them length, Uthoff and Jok give them shooting, Clemmons acts as a stopper for the opposing team's best perimeter player, and Gesell is the facilitator. That's a really strong mix of talent.

So, as long as the starting five performs with Uthoff and/or Jok catching fire, one of the other three stepping up to put in double digit points, and getting contributions from the bench, they will be a very dangerous team. That's what middle of the season Iowa did, when they won 10 of their first 11 Big Ten games, and the only game they lost was on the road at Maryland, and even then, it took Uthoff going ice cold and Jok leading the team in points with just 14.

But that's a very optimistic viewpoint. The negative, or realistic, viewpoint is that Iowa will continue to find a way to lose and get bounced from the tournament in their first game.

But I'll take the former. Iowa cruises to a national title in basketball, just a couple weeks after Iowa wrestling wins the title this weekend.

Hey, a boy can dream (even if he is a 31-year-old boy), can't he?

The Florida State League: Where Nobody Shows Up And Dreams Come True

As a former employee of a minor league team, I am a huge proponent of minor league baseball. It's cheap, it's fun, and you get to be outside in (usually) nice weather. That's a pretty good combination. These minor league games don't have the crowds you would see in the majors, but most places still average a few thousand a game. Weirdly, most places does not include the Florida State League.

Going to games in the Florida State League is like entering into a weird alternative universe where baseball is as popular as darts. It is a ghost town at these games, as they are attended sparingly, and not much goes on besides baseball. It's probably an old sportswriter's wet dream as it is baseball without any sort of flash or showmanship, just plain ol' baseball.

Now don't get me wrong. Baseball is fine. But it can be a little slow, and it could use a little something extra to fill in the gaps. So why doesn't Florida support minor league baseball? I mean, it's full of old people, and old people love baseball. But these Floridians are spoiled, as they only like to go to Spring Training games where they can see fancy major league baseball players instead of the gritty, young hustlers working their way up the ladder.

So nobody shows up. I mean, not nobody, but probably around 100 people. And these people are missing out, because it's kind of amazing. It's this wonderful ghost town where, even though it is not major leaguers, great baseball is played. And considering the home team always throws the ball in the stands, every kid gets to go home with a baseball that was given to someone who they think is larger than life. And yeah, maybe that guy will never see Double-A, but there's also the chance that he's a future All-Star. Hell, a third of the kids get to go out to the field for some goofy minor league baseball contest.

You can hear and see everything. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I enjoyed it. A kid got six foul balls at a game. SIX. Another brought a glove, and had a player toss him a ball. One little girl got asked to race the mascot, and her Dad's reaction displayed joy that many have not felt since they were a child. It was amazing, because the little girl was unsure about doing it, but her Dad was so genuinely excited that she had to go for it.

When I started writing this piece, I titled it, "Minor League Baseball in Florida Gave Me a Preview of the Apocalypse." It wasn't catchy, but it seemed apt at the time. After I thought about it for a while, I realized that even though it wasn't well attended, there was still a lot of life at these games. From an outsider's perspective, it looks dead, but upon closer examination, it's actually kind of wonderful.

Let's Break Down Jose Canseco's Time Travels

So I have definitely been reading the articles on Vice.com from Jose Canseco, and although they have been good, they have not been at the ridiculous level that I am used to from Jose Canseco. That all changed yesterday as Jose may have written the greatest article since writing began. Not only is it incredible writing, but there is also a scientific breakthrough in there. Yep, Jose knocks baseballs and scientific theories out of the park. It's simply amazing and definitely in need of a breakdown.

I time travel all the time and have been for the last 20 years; it’s real simple.

Yeah, idiots.

But there are rules: You can’t travel to the future, and you can’t change history—but that’s a good thing because you wouldn’t want to wake up in a different future or past, as the case may be.

And you can't play by your own rules when you time travel. Try to change the future or past, and your license to time travel could be revoked.

The only way to time travel is in your dreams, subconsciously.

God damnit, Jose. That isn't time travel. I mean I don't wake up from a dream where I hit a game winning shot in Chicago and then save the president in DC, and announce, "Guess what I did last night. Teleported!" Although maybe I should.

To do this you must know how to control your dreams. For example, I constantly ask myself, “Am I dreaming? Am I dreaming? Am I dreaming?” If you condition your mind to ask that question every half hour while you’re awake then, after a while, you will ask it even in your dreams. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll be time traveling in no time at all.

I really want to start doing this throughout the day. Just going through mundane tasks and asking people this question. I could be at the grocery store, and the woman could tell me it's $43.61, and I'll just look her dead in the eye and say, "Am I dreaming?" When she responds that I am not, I will just casually respond, "I know. I'm just conditioning my mind for time travel. No big deal."

I first learned the art of time traveling during my first divorce. My heart was broken, I was depressed all the time, and I just couldn’t take the pain. Somehow I realized that the pain subsided once I entered a dream state.

"Honey, you can have the house and the cars. Please, just leave me the time travel."

Now I’ll do things like say, “I want to see my mom,” and boom, my mom pops up and I’m in the past. I can talk to her. I can hug her. It's very emotional. My dad just passed away about two years ago, and now I see him this way too. 

Wow, Jose is actually using his time traveling abilities for really noble things. Good for you, Jose.

Or I could say, “I want to go back to high school.” Boom! All of a sudden my dream shifts to when I was in school and I had this huge crush on a cheerleader named Dawn Alba. I always wanted to go up to her and say hi and tell her how much of a crush I had on her, but I was so shy that I just couldn’t. When I time travel I’ll see her there and literally walk up to her and kiss her; you can pretty much do whatever you want. You can even fly to different spots, zooming through the air.

Yep, that is what I was expecting. Time traveling to kiss girls, riding in limousines and jetsetting to exotic locations...wait, Jose's time travel is basically Ric Flair's life. I honestly can't think of another person that I would want to emulate if I were time traveling.

You have to be careful when you first develop the ability to control your dreams, which largely relies on controlling your emotions. It can become kind of wishy-washy if your confidence outweighs your talent. For instance, let’s say you want to summon your favorite pet from childhood, or from another point in your life. If you can’t control your dreams properly, your cuddly kitten or loyal dog could turn into a wolf—or if you’re really unlucky a werewolf—and start attacking you.

Wait, if that kitten or dog turns into a werewolf, wouldn't that be changing the past? Or when Jose loses confidence in himself, do safe animals turn into monsters? Let's go with the latter, because that's a way better story.

The only way I will ever be able to play in the major leagues again is through time travel, but for some strange reason it’s the one thing I haven’t been able to do. Either the bus leaves without me, they won’t let me into the stadium, I’m late to the game and miss it, or something else happens that prevents me from playing. It’s starting to really weird me out.

It's because Ric Flair never played in the majors, and you can't stop envisioning yourself as Ric Flair. Problem solved. You're welcome.

The other night I had a dream in which Dan Duquette, the GM who signed me to the Red Sox, wouldn’t let me play because of a “technical issue.” I looked at him and said, “Listen, I want to play tonight.” He responded with something crazy like, “If you want to play, go get me vanilla Dippin’ Dots with chocolate syrup on them.” I searched everywhere for the stand, and when I finally found it and bought a cup of Dots I immediately fumbled it and dropped it to the ground. I was like, “Oh my God!” but at this point I was really determined, so I kept trying until I finally got one back to Duquette without dropping it. Then he started making all of these other crazy excuses for why I couldn’t play, saying, “Now I want this, and then I want that…” It was insane.   

Good God, man. you're an expert in controlling your time travelling and you can't walk and carry a cup of Dippin Dots? Like, maybe, you could justify dropping it once out of excitement and slight carelessness, but it seems like you dropped it at least four times. Honestly, after Duquette saw that, he probably didn't trust you with a bat in your hand.

I’ve had a similar dream about Tony La Russa and others—no one will let me play inside the goddamn ballpark. It’s the one time-travel dream I can’t control, and I have it at least five times a week. It must be a subconscious block.
I’ve even seen myself as a child during some of my time-traveling experiences. Every once in a while I’ll try to make myself leave a mark on certain structure. Every so often I’ll visit the location the next day, when I’m awake, but nothing’s ever there.

Hum, I wonder why that is. Could it be that you aren't actually time travelling? Nah, that's definitely not it. Forget I said anything.

Sometimes I’ll even tell myself, as a child,  “Listen, when you get to the majors, never do steroids.” Of course, that never works, because I still am where I am.

Jose, you tender poet warrior. All you want is to be loved. I want you to know that you have my backing, and I hope you keep time travelling until you can experience the big leagues again...or at least a WCW Title run.