The Andrew Dice Clay of the Alt-Right

I was scrolling through Twitter a couple weeks ago when I found something funny.

@ultimatederek @KrangTNelson hey fuck nuts, that's my woman and trust me... the sex is amazing. pic.twitter.com/wpMcUaDAY3

— 🐸Grant J. Kidney🐸 (@GrantJKidney) December 28, 2016

I had no idea who this person is, but the fact that he is arguing on the internet is never a good sign. Also, if you have to explicitly state that the sex you are having is the good sex, um, methinks the lady doth protest too much.

But since I was on the road traveling back to Florida after the holidays, I had some time to waste so I looked at this man's profile, and I was very happy that I did. Here is his profile: I am the Andrew Dice Clay of the #AltRight. http://

Oh, hell yeah! The neo-nazi version of DICE is exactly what I am looking for. I mean, the jokes would be on point.

"Muslim? What kind of guy you think I am? More like muslher, OH!"

Or, "Immigrants? More like ImmaGet me a fence and build a wall, BADA BOOM!"

Plus, the nursery rhymes would be amazing.

Hickory Dickory Dock
The only black life that matters is the Rock

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
All lives matter
Especially Blue.

But he didn't have any of that. His website was a bunch of nonsense that isn't even worth resposting. Like, it was offensive in its stupidity, but not so offensive that it was even funny ironically. It was just lazy and tired. I mean, I could do a better job of being the Diceman of the AltRight, just by being lewd, ignorant, and adding some rhymes. It's not that hard.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to her cupboard
Unfortunately, her cupboard was bare.
She must have run out of food stamps
And great Americans simply don't care...
Get a job, you lazy broad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a message for Allah
Jill says you can lick my ass
Jack said it'll only cost a dollar, OH!

Aw shit, I think I just became the Andrew Dice Clay of the Alt-Right. God damnit.

Why Do People Hate Toe Shoes?

I love my Vibram Five Finger shoes. I just want to be up front about that. If you do not know what those are, they are the toe shoes. I have never started a conversation about my shoes with someone, but many people have asked me about them, and I tell them how comfortable they are and how I enjoy running in them and basically doing anything in them. Most people who talk to me seem very interested in the shoes.

But then I go on the internet. And the internet fucking hates toe shoes. I have seen otherwise reasonably people rant and rave about how only douchebags wear the toe shoes, and how they are even bigger assholes if they wear them when they are just out and about, because, god forbid, you find a comfortable pair of shoes and use them for everyday activities.

I remember seeing Crocs for the first time and thinking, "Wow, those are some really stupid looking shoes. I will never buy those." I never thought that anybody who wears them is automatically a douche, and I never really gave it a second thought, because I really don't care what people wear on their feet. Yet, I constantly see people ranting and raving like a bunch of lunatics on how anyone who wears Toe Shoes should go kill themselves, and at some point, it becomes a little much.

I love my Vibram Five Fingers. Maybe you're one of those people that hate my shoes, but you know who else hated toe shoes? Hitler. That's why the Nazis wore boots. So, if you want to be a Hitler loving, toe shoe hating, Nazi, be my guest. But they're super comfortable, I go running in them all the time, and most importantly, when kids see my shoes, they think I am a super hero. This means they won't care if I try to sleep with their Mommy, and that's pretty badass.