The Andrew Dice Clay of the Alt-Right

I was scrolling through Twitter a couple weeks ago when I found something funny.

@ultimatederek @KrangTNelson hey fuck nuts, that's my woman and trust me... the sex is amazing. pic.twitter.com/wpMcUaDAY3

— 🐸Grant J. Kidney🐸 (@GrantJKidney) December 28, 2016

I had no idea who this person is, but the fact that he is arguing on the internet is never a good sign. Also, if you have to explicitly state that the sex you are having is the good sex, um, methinks the lady doth protest too much.

But since I was on the road traveling back to Florida after the holidays, I had some time to waste so I looked at this man's profile, and I was very happy that I did. Here is his profile: I am the Andrew Dice Clay of the #AltRight. http://

Oh, hell yeah! The neo-nazi version of DICE is exactly what I am looking for. I mean, the jokes would be on point.

"Muslim? What kind of guy you think I am? More like muslher, OH!"

Or, "Immigrants? More like ImmaGet me a fence and build a wall, BADA BOOM!"

Plus, the nursery rhymes would be amazing.

Hickory Dickory Dock
The only black life that matters is the Rock

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
All lives matter
Especially Blue.

But he didn't have any of that. His website was a bunch of nonsense that isn't even worth resposting. Like, it was offensive in its stupidity, but not so offensive that it was even funny ironically. It was just lazy and tired. I mean, I could do a better job of being the Diceman of the AltRight, just by being lewd, ignorant, and adding some rhymes. It's not that hard.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to her cupboard
Unfortunately, her cupboard was bare.
She must have run out of food stamps
And great Americans simply don't care...
Get a job, you lazy broad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a message for Allah
Jill says you can lick my ass
Jack said it'll only cost a dollar, OH!

Aw shit, I think I just became the Andrew Dice Clay of the Alt-Right. God damnit.

The Genius: Not Just Macho Man's Brother

The Genius is a wrestler where many fans remember the character but forget the details that made him great. Part of this is that The Genius, Lanny Poffo, was the brother of Macho Man Randy Savage (or Randy Poffo if you need the real name). Still, The Genius was not just Macho Man's brother. He was actually super entertaining and came up with some incredibly memorable promos where he truly personified his gimmick. I must also admit that I have an affinity for any outrageously arrogant wrestler, as I tend to most identify with those guys.

I mean, just look at his very first promo.

There is so much gold in this that it is hard to unwrap it all. Obviously, all of the rhyming is incredible, but he manages to use four different languages during it while still keeping it coherent enough for the mouth-breathing WWE fans. This is the guy's first promo, and there is not a wrestling fan out there that wouldn't have thought he was great, or had the exact opposite feeling and wanted his teeth rammed down his throat. I haven't even mentioned that cunning is a word that we should all use a little bit more.

As great as that was, just imagine using the first half of his second promo as a pickup line.

"Behold the world's smartest man, so masculine and proud.
The epitome of genius, amazingly endowed."

I mean, right at this point, you're going to have the bartenders busting out mops to clean up the floors, but just in case there are some other issues, you can continue.

"A one man wrestling (may want to replace this word with studly or hunky) renaissance, just let your heart rejoice.
And bathe in all the luxury, of my poetic voice."

At this point, the girl may have her shirt off and is probably trying to get after your goodies as you have made her made with ecstasy.

So, yeah, The Genius was amazing, and this is only looking at his career before he even debuted in a WWE ring. Once he did that, he was solid, and, oh yeah, beat the most unbeatable wrestler in the history of wrestling, 1980s Hulk Hogan.

The Genius wasn't the greatest wrestler in the ring, but he was pretty entertaining as a shitheel, just an effeminate bad guy who thought his brains were more important than brawn. He was a total coward and totally wonderful. Although he had a victory over Hulk Hogan. After Hogan's feud with Mr. Perfect ended, he kind of faded away, when he should have had a run as a heel in the Intercontinental Title picture. He at least deserved a little more push.

If The Genius was friends with Hulk Hogan instead of Macho Man's brother, he would have had a 20 year career. Part of that stretch would have included a run in the Dungeon of Doom and also a period of tagging with Horace Boulder, but it still pays pretty well.

Lanny Poffo will mostly be remembered as Randy's brother, but he was pretty great in his own way, and it doesn't take a genius to see that.