The Book of Mormon - A Review

I love Mormons. This is almost entirely due to soaking, but still, they're absolutely fascinating to me. Do they believe in some weird stuff? Sure, but that's true of all religions. Hell it's true of any belief system out there. So you may scoff at the idea of American Jesus, but I counter that you can't spell Jesus without US, which may make him the most American of all.

Although it seems as if everyone knows, The Book of Mormon is a musical. When it came out, it won like every award out there for musicals (They're called Tonys, possibly named after my father). Musicals sound very lame; I understand this, but this one was written by the guys from South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who are not only very funny but who grew up in Mormon country, so they know what they are talking about. This lead to me, for the very first time in my life, being excited about going to a musical.

Now, I must warn you that if you tell anyone that has already been to Book of Mormon that you will be going to it; they will freak out. Every dang person I talked to lit up like it was Christmas morning at the mere mention of this musical.

As for what I thought of the experience, the first thing that excited me were the Mormons standing outside to give us information on JesUS (I'm guessing they omitted the part about black skin being a curse for being evil). But I was shocked when some Mormon dude asked if I wanted to take a picture with a "real-life Mormon," like he was in Times Square dressed like Spiderman. Come on, Mormon, you ain't a dang unicorn; you're just a bland looking white person. Growing up in Iowa, every picture I have looks like it was taken with a group of Mormons.

Anyway, the show itself is great, and it made for a great date night. Although I know about the religion, I didn't know much about the musical itself. I kind of thought it would be more historical and focus on Joseph Smith, and although it touched on that, I was pleasantly surprised with the angle they took for the plot. I laughed my face off throughout the entire thing, and I was still a little jealous of the girl in front of me who was having laughing convulsions towards the end where I thought we may have to call an ambulance.

I had done plays, I had even gone to the ballet, but this was my first musical, and I would definitely go back for more. I used to be gritty, but my evolution (or devolution) into a fancy boy is nearly complete. I think I'm okay with that.

My First MLS Game

I went to my first MLS game this past weekend as Orlando City SC took on FC Dallas. This writing is probably the first time I have actually gotten the team names correct. So, as you could probably guess, I am not much of a soccer fan.

Even though I'm not a soccer fan, I am enough of a sports fan that I have at least enough knowledge to carry on a conversation about the sport. Because of my limited knowledge about soccer, I decided to look up the rosters of the two teams to see how many guys I knew. The answer was one. Kaka was on Orlando City, and I only knew him from my days of playing FIFA 2002. I remember Kaka being awesome, so I was pretty excited to see him play. Of course, I found out when we got there that he had a red card in the previous game, so he wouldn't be playing. You really dropped the ball on that one, soccer.

Still, there are good things about attending a soccer matchup. The best thing about soccer is the size of the players. As someone who stands just 5'9", I enjoy that I can relate to players who are actually my size. Also, since soccer isn't a real sport, their total lack of athleticism also makes them easier to relate to...just kidding soccer fans. They are real athletes, as was evident from this 5'4" guy on Dallas who was quick as shit. With a guy that small and that quick, I decided that he was my favorite player, so congratulations on that Michael Barrios.

But to me, soccer is a game of almost-exciting moments. You'll see a guy streaking down the field with the ball, but he won't be able to get the ball centered in any meaningful way, so there isn't really any legitimate shot at a goal. You'll see a big pass down the field that gets intercepted by the defense and slowly moved in the opposite direction. There are the occasional moments that lead to shots on goal, but those are almost always missed, so you're left waiting for a climax.

Basically what I'm saying is soccer is the sports world's version of soaking. There's nothing wrong with that, but since I am an adult, I have a finite time for sports, and soccer just isn't going to make the cut for me. Still, it was a fine experience, and I would recommend giving it a try. It's a good chance to get outside and soak in the sun; just don't count on climaxing.