Garage Day 2016

With the mold issue that we had at the house, we really didn't feel like staying inside and getting terribly sick. We also couldn't go far, because we needed to be there to let people in to work on the house. This led to a great compromise, Garage Day 2016. A day spent in the garage with my wife, while celebrating my dog's ninth birthday.

Since our house was full of mold, we really didn't have the option of staying in the house. We were hoping to do a beach day at the local dog friendly beach, but we had to stay at the house in case someone actually came over to work on it. This seemed like it would be a huge bummer for Casey the Dog, but Casey may have had the best birthday ever with Garage Day 2016.

Garage Day 2016 led to constant throwing of the ball for her. She could take breaks as she pleased, but we were always there waiting when she wanted to resume chasing her ball. I mean, it was either that or have conversations with my wife, so of course Casey got plenty of attention. What also helped was a mid-day rainstorm that cooled everything off for a while.

So I sat and chatted with my wife while throwing the ball for Casey. We never talk this much during the day, just because we have things to do and don't want to just sit around all day. But when forced to sit around all day, it was actually pretty nice just hanging out and conversing. I mean, it's not like I forgot, but it really reminded how well I get along with my wife where we could just chill and chat it up all day without getting bored.

Occasionally, we would take turns walking down to the community pool to take a dip and cool off. Since the community has archaic rules that do not allow pup dogs, we'd spray Casey off with the hose, which she didn't love at the time but probably appreciated being cooled off a bit. Overall, this plan lasted from about 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM. It was A LOT of garage time.

Finally, at 4:00, the amateur mold specialists that were coming in and out of our house said they were done for the day. The problem was by no means fixed, but it was at least better than before. Oh, and since we made them pull up a bunch of carpet so they could actually dry it and what was under it, we had to move our couches to the kitchen which meant that it was impossible to make a meal. So we did the only thing we could do and followed Garage Day with a good ol' fashioned brewery tour where I was the designated driver so my wife and pup could party hard.

Unfortunately, Garage Day 2016 took a toll on the old pup, and she literally just lied down to pass out by the time we made it to the second brewery (lightweight). She was so tired looking that a guy who also owns a weimaraner thought we had given her Benadryl to tire her out, but no, we just did it the old fashioned way of play all day. At that point we called it a night to head back to our mold house. Casey the Dog had a good long sleep that night, and overall, I'd say that Garage Day 2016 was a huge success.

I can't wait for 2017, this time, preferably, without the mold.

The Book of Mormon - A Review

I love Mormons. This is almost entirely due to soaking, but still, they're absolutely fascinating to me. Do they believe in some weird stuff? Sure, but that's true of all religions. Hell it's true of any belief system out there. So you may scoff at the idea of American Jesus, but I counter that you can't spell Jesus without US, which may make him the most American of all.

Although it seems as if everyone knows, The Book of Mormon is a musical. When it came out, it won like every award out there for musicals (They're called Tonys, possibly named after my father). Musicals sound very lame; I understand this, but this one was written by the guys from South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who are not only very funny but who grew up in Mormon country, so they know what they are talking about. This lead to me, for the very first time in my life, being excited about going to a musical.

Now, I must warn you that if you tell anyone that has already been to Book of Mormon that you will be going to it; they will freak out. Every dang person I talked to lit up like it was Christmas morning at the mere mention of this musical.

As for what I thought of the experience, the first thing that excited me were the Mormons standing outside to give us information on JesUS (I'm guessing they omitted the part about black skin being a curse for being evil). But I was shocked when some Mormon dude asked if I wanted to take a picture with a "real-life Mormon," like he was in Times Square dressed like Spiderman. Come on, Mormon, you ain't a dang unicorn; you're just a bland looking white person. Growing up in Iowa, every picture I have looks like it was taken with a group of Mormons.

Anyway, the show itself is great, and it made for a great date night. Although I know about the religion, I didn't know much about the musical itself. I kind of thought it would be more historical and focus on Joseph Smith, and although it touched on that, I was pleasantly surprised with the angle they took for the plot. I laughed my face off throughout the entire thing, and I was still a little jealous of the girl in front of me who was having laughing convulsions towards the end where I thought we may have to call an ambulance.

I had done plays, I had even gone to the ballet, but this was my first musical, and I would definitely go back for more. I used to be gritty, but my evolution (or devolution) into a fancy boy is nearly complete. I think I'm okay with that.

My Review of Top Golf

I'm in my 30s, married, a dog but no kids, so I basically live the most boring existence imaginable to the outside world. Now, this works great for me, as I love just hanging out during most weeks, as I love my wife and dog (sometimes not in that order) very much, and I'm a pretty chill dude so hanging out, getting my ass kicked at an MMA gym and going about my day are good days for me. Plus, although I'm chill most of the time, I do it big with things like WrestleMania, Grapple on the Gridiron, and the Rose Bowl. Still, my wife needs to be involved in activities, so both of us are always keeping an eye out for possible date nights. That is why I was very intrigued when my buddies mentioned Top Golf being a cool place and me realizing that there was one only about a half hour away. So, I ditched the dog, gathered up the old lady, and went out to show my wife what a dominant golfer I can be.

Here's the thing about me: I was probably made to be white trash. I don't really care about my appearance, to the point that I have gone out to meet people with my wife and had blood stains on my shirt...multiple times. I don't care about the nicer things in life, because I'm really not that picky. That being said, I'm always surprised when I go to nice places. Golf places have to be nice, because golf people somehow all act like they went to Duke. They're entitled douchebags with racist undertones, so they need to pretend they're fancy. The nice thing about Top Golf is that it is really nice, but had a variety of people there that made it not as pretentious as most places that appeal to golfers. I saw grandparents hacking away with their grandchildren, dudes just out drinking beers, and I also saw a lot of people who looked like they were cosplaying Rory McIlroy, so yes, there are still douchebags there.

Still, a three story driving range with electronic targets to keep score add some necessary excitement to the game of golf. After acquiring player cards, they sent us up to the third floor, because they could tell that we were a couple of swing...er, ball...eh, that doesn't quite work, how about club aficionados, yeah, that'll work. Anyway, we go up there, slide are card in and let the games begin.

Now, I had one strategy going in, and strategy is a word I use very loosely, because I wanted to smash golf balls. Grip it and rip it as the fellas on the links like to say. On my second shot, I sailed the ball 250 yards with just a slight hook to the left. It was a beautiful shot. Unfotunately, the deeperst target is 215 and slightly to the right from where I was, so my ball sailed over, and I got zero points.

On my wife's first attempt, she missed not the ball not once, not twice, but three times as she struck out in golf. She then hit a little dinker that manged to get near one of the targets and get her 4 points. I would say that this was the story of the day, but she actually got better as the day went on and hit everything straight as an arrow. I usually slice everything, but on this day, I hooked everything, and we were one of the furthest boxes to the left, so it was not my day to score points.

I got my ass handed to me. I found every way to miss the targets, and she just kept hitting them straight as an arrow towards those targets and kept putting up points. It was super aggravating, but instead of changing my strategy, like an intelligent person, I just kept gripping tighter and swinging harder, and hooking that ball violently to the left.

Luckily, Top Golf is not just golf, as we also got ourselves some BMs (Bloody Marys), and they had a pretty extensive bloody mary bar, so I decided to live by the motto of "Treat Yo Self" and had some celery, some bacon, a pickle, some Tabasco, a little Worcestershire, pepper, and Lawry's to really bring my BM to the next level. Also, since drinking was involved, I can just claim my wife is an alcoholic and has a higher tolerance than me, and that is why she kicked my ass so badly.

So, yeah, I got my ass handed to me by my wife in the competition (and I never let her win, so I am not even going to attempt to claim that), but it was still a good time. Oh, and next time, I'm going to be totally focused on my wife's annihilation, and no Grandparent, dude, or even a cosplaying Jordan Spieth will be able to save her.

I'll probably get destroyed again.

My Review of the Shrine Game

Since the Rose Bowl was the last game, come to think of it, only game I attended this college football season, I was left with a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Luckily, I had one last chance to watch college football players compete against each other as the East-West Shrine Game was just down the road from where I live at Tropicana Field.

Now, this is not the Senior Bowl, which has a ton of the top Senior talent from all around the nation and some likely first round picks. This is a leftovers game, but that doesn't mean there weren't some intriguing guys on the field. The most notable name was probably Keenan Reynolds, who set the all-time NCAA touchdown record, but he didn't play. I would guess the next most notable name was Vernon Adams, Jr., quarterback of Oregon this past season. Still, the guys I was most interested in seeing were Iowa safety, Jordan Lomax, and former Iowa quarterback (with his final season at Michigan), Jake Rudock.

Overall, I would say that Lomax looked solid, as he made a few tackles and seemed to do well in coverage. There are a lot of rules to simplify things in these All-Star games, so there isn't a ton of room for a safety to stand out outside of being in a good position for a quarterback's mistake. Lomax is a guy who is going to have to shine on special teams to get a shot at the next level, but he has the tools necessary to succeed there.

As for Rudock, well, uh, it was not great. He technically lead the East to all of their scores, as they had an interception that put them deep in the West's territory that ended in a field goal, and he was still the active quarterback when the defense got an interception that they returned for a touchdown. He is going to be accurate, but he just doesn't have the arm strength to be a viable candidate to be a professional quarterback at the next level. He was a Pre-Med Major; he's a former college quarterback; I think he's going to be fine.

But the star quarterback, and really, the star of the game was Vernon Adams Jr. I'll admit that the only game I really focused on from Oregon this year was when they got beaten badly by Michigan State, a game that Adams was not 100%. He was definitely 100% for this game, as he straight tore things up on the field. Adams is an interesting prospect, as he is very athletic, but relatively small for a quarterback, standing just 6'0" tall. In this game, he showed abilities to make plays from the pocket, and definitely showed that he knows how to move around and make plays as well. His 93 yard touchdown pass will get the most highlights, but it wasn't his best play, as he did a good job of avoiding the rush before finding a guy that was wide open. It was much more impressive to see him scan the field from the pocket and find the open man in the rhythm of the play.

In an All-Star game, it's tough to stand out if you're not a skill position guy, and I'll admit that I was only focusing on the big aspects of the game as opposed to trying to breakdown the footwork of offensive linemen, so Adams was really the only guy who seemed to stand out. Brandon Doughty was getting some buzz, but he failed to impress when he took the reins of the offense. Joel Stave performed exactly how you would expect Joel Stave to perform.

More importantly than what happened on the field was what was happening off the field. CLOWNS. Lots and lots of clowns. I've never been a big clown guy, but I gotta admit it; these clowns added a lot to my entertainment. I mean, sure, they did some clown stuff for entertainment, but even more fascinating was when they were just a bunch of dudes hanging out in full clown gear. One guy even had on a football costume with shoulderpads and a football on a string that he would use to trick people. Does he use that year round, or is this his only time of year to shine (or Shrine, if you prefer)? Anyway, I would love it if football got rid of cheerleaders and replaced them with an army of clowns. There is no way that ends badly.

The East-West Shrine Game is not the Senior Bowl, but it's got $15 General Admission tickets, and there are worse ways to spend a Saturday evening, especially if you can convince your wife to count it as a date night.