Jose Canseco And The Power Of Twitter

Jose Canseco loves Twitter. Although he will take extended breaks here and there. He always comes back to it, because those two were made for each other. Twitter uses Jose for cheap entertainment, and usually it's a one-way game where Jose continues to give and give, but things changed recently. Jose used Twitter and went from being unemployed to being paid to play baseball in one of the best party cities in North America. How did this all happen? Let's go through things.

Never give up your dream .I love baseball and I dream about playing again in the majors .just (cont) tl.gd/frsq8r
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

Jose shared his dream of playing baseball again, hoping the Twitter world would notice and he could get back in the game that he loves. But instead of just hoping it would happen, he decided to spice things up to make sure that people would notice.

I fight for the truth and the right to play baseball
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

This is another amazing tweet from an amazing man. Jose Canseco fights for two things in this world. The first is the truth, which seems pretty reasonable. The second is the right to play baseball, something that I do not remember was a great struggle for revolutionaries throughout history. I don't think anyone is stopping Jose from playing baseball, but it would be quite a scene to see him at an old sandlot diamond and people chasing him off, as they said they didn't want his kind around here. He would assume it was for steroids, but in that small town, they probably just hate people who were on The Surreal Life and/or Celebrity Apprentice.

Life is not worth living if you can't try difficult things
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

Baseball is difficult at any age that's y its the greatest
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

Jose takes it to the extreme, by saying life isn't worth living if you can't try difficult things, followed by saying that baseball is difficult. Ipso facto, if you do not let Jose play baseball, you are basically committing murder.

Do you haters need a hug think possitive and you will never hate again and good things will happen (cont) tl.gd/frtcag
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

This isn't an interesting tweet, because Jose has about a thousand that talk about haters, but it became interesting when he followed it with this tweet.

This is my baby chapstick . lockerz.com/s/182802536
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 11, 2012

I was so terrified to find out what his "baby chapstick" meant. It's not just me, baby chapstick could mean his dick, right? I mean, it's extremely self-deprecating, because chapstick is small enough, so baby chapstick is just sad. I reluctantly found out what it meant, and was very pleased that it was just his dog. And if you're asking what this has to do with getting him back in baseball. Hell, I don't know, but sure enough, the next day he drops this bomb.

Back in baseball I knew I would play this year you just gotta believe in your dreams .
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 12, 2012

And that's all it took. Just insinuate that you'll kill yourself if you don't get something, give your dog a name that could also describe your penis, post a picture, and boom, you're playing baseball again. Not only that, Jose is going to be playing for a team based in Cancun. Outside of trying to cheat on his girlfriend with college coeds on spring break, what will Jose be doing?

Never been to mexico before except border towns where i had some issues .can't wait to see mayans and there ruins they were badass
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 12, 2012

Um, who wants to be the bad guy? Anybody? Well, I guess I'll do it. As far as I know, there really aren't Mayans anymore, so I hope you aren't counting on hanging out with them on your journey. Little known fact about the Mayans, they aren't around anymore because the Spaniards took away their right to play baseball. Huge ritualistic suicide after they all wrote in their diaries how hard life is. Tough break.

But thanks to Twitter, suicide threats, and small dogs named after small dongs, Jose Canseco is back in baseball. Best of luck, Jose.

Jose And Ozzie Canseco Pull A Switcheroo...Or Do They?

It has been quite a while since we last checked in with Jose Canseco.  Between him putting people in their place on Celebrity Apprentice, talking shit to A-Rod, and warning Chuck Liddell that his girlfriend is a scam artist, it's tough to come up with a lot of interesting tweets for his followers.  But fear not, Canseco fans, Jose was back at it this weekend to provide entertainment for all to enjoy.

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

let's see who is smart enough to figure out what happened at the boxing match

Boxing match?  The only notable boxing match I knew about was Pacquiao vs. Mosley (because I saw the commercial 100 times this weekend), but that isn't until May.  Wait a minute...you don't think...no, he couldn't have...but maybe...was Jose Canseco in another celebrity boxing match this weekend?  Only with Jose could the answer be both yes and no.  

Jose was scheduled to appear in a celebrity boxing match this weekend in Miami.  According to "news" reports (I put those in parenthesees, because I'm not sure if you consider MSNBC, The Miami Herald, and ESPN news sources), Jose sent his twin brother Ozzie to pose as him for the celebrity boxing match.  The switch was figured out when the Jose that showed up did not have Jose's tattoos and looked smaller than normal. I hate to break it to you, boxing promoter, but these tattoos aren't real.

This promoter must be a real dumbass.

But let's say this is true, that he really sent Ozzie in his place, I would have no choice but to no longer consider him the most awesome human being around.  Instead, I will have to put him in another category, because it is unfair to compare mere human's awesomeness to Jose's.  He attempted to pull off a trick that was made famous by The Killer Bees and perfected by the Olsen Twins.  I can't even begin to put into words how awesome that is, but I know that nothing could ever compare to it.

But is it the truth?  Well, that's a little tougher to know for sure.  Let's look at the evidence.  Jose followed up with these tweets

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

is anyone out there smart enough to figure it out or are you all a bunch of hateful morons

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

how can you haters being so ignorant it's amazing

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

I am still waiting for an intelligent scenario

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

by the way e s p n is owned by major league baseball of course they are going to lie

It's clear to me that a bunch of idiots thought that these "news" stories were facts.  But it's just ignorance that would make people believe this.  Nobody could even come up with an intelligent scenario, because they are brainwashed by ESPN.  And don't get caught up with the MLB owning ESPN, because he was not speaking in literal terms.  But MLB has ESPN by the balls, so ESPN will follow MLB's plan to destroy Jose Canseco's life for exposing the truth about steroids in baseball.  And here is yet another piece of evidence.

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

Be very careful with Damon feldman who runs celebrity boxing he will not pay you if you fight for him

How would Jose know that Damon Feldman did not pay him if he wasn't even there?  The ignorant hater response would be that Ozzie could have just called Jose on his cell phone to tell him about not getting paid.  Unfortunately, that argument is unlikely.  I highly doubt Ozzie can afford a cell phone.  

And finally, Jose's most brilliant tweet of this ordeal.

@JoseCanseco Jose Canseco

just remember the media is write 20 percent of 50 percent of the time

Does this mean that the media is only right 10% of the time?  Maybe.  But more likely, it means that the media only does what one would consider writing 10% of the time.  Coming from someone that is writing his THIRD book, I think anyone who isn't a total hater will give credence to his opinion. 

If there's one thing that Jose stands for, it's the truth.  So why would he deceive people?  Can you explain that one to me, Mainstream Media?  No, you can't, because no matter how much you haters lie about him, Jose will rise above it all to show us the truth.

UPDATE: Jose's side of the story revealed.

-Joe

P.S.  I e-mailed Jose to get his side of the story.  Since we have a ton of mutual respect for each other's work, I'm sure he will try to get back to me, but things are crazy right now so he was unable to respond at the time of publication.  I will be sure to post Jose's response when he finds the time to e-mail me back.

P.P.S.  To help prove Jose's remark about the media, this may be the dumbest article I have ever read, and it is in one of the most well-respected newspapers in the country.